Kristin's Visit

OK, I know this is six months late, but better late than never, right?

Kristin came to visit me back in March, I think to do a whole lot of shopping, and eating! Our two favorite activities for sure!

One of the things we did was we went to this burger joint that was featured on the Food Network, and got so popular because of the spotlight on Diner's Drive-In's and Dives, that they are expanding to two more locations- even thought the original location has been sitting there for like 20-30 years!

they are famous for their big burgers, and cheese "skirts." It was amazng, and I ate every. single. bite. Wow. Look at those burgers!!!

A Second Update

I just realized my latest post doesn't make total sense, because I left you hanging last time. Matt came over that day in August, and it was like nothing was wrong. We went to get him a caffinated drink because he had a headache, and went for a little walk, and we went to PetSmart with the cat (he even rode in my car!) and walked him around on a leash, and we picked out a new pet fish, a red betta named Marlin. Actually, Matt picked out one fish, and picked another, and we held both up to Tootie and let him choose which fishy he wanted for a baby brother. He picked Matt's fish, of course. Everything was fine. He told me I was his best friend. He was optimistic about us, and said that he just needed to try and think about the situation differently and maybe he could cope with the stress. He came and visited again in September too, and that was great too. Everything was fine.

And we broke up, over the phone, basically over the long distance thing again. He just can't handle it. Doesn't want to do it. Doesn't want to even try. Just not capable.

So that was it.

Just Plain Old Not Happy

So, you knew it was coming, or some of you already knew it happened, but Matt and I finally actually broke up. We have been broken up for one week- it happened last Monday. We actually never even finished the break up conversation, we got half way through it and he had to go because he was doing an overtime shift at a Cal Trans site. He said he would call back when he could, but never had time. We texted some on Tuesday, and I tried reaching him Wednesday without success, and finally just sent him a final text message, "Be Safe. Good Night. I love you." And that was all I planned on doing, again.

Saturday I did this wedding in Sonoma, in the Napa Valley. I was sitting on the sidewalk outside the bride's room photographing the rings and the bridal bouquet, when my phone started going off. I had a text message from Matt, saying his dad was back in the hospital.

I didn't know how to respond... We're not really together, even though we didn't finish our talk, and so I didn't know what my role was supposed to be. But I didn't want him to feel like I didn't care, because I do.

So I said I was really sorry, and asked what happened, and he said he didn't really know, just that one side went numb and he was on his way over then. So I told him it sounded like a stroke again to me, and that I was really very sorry and to let me know if he needed anything. He said Thanks, and I sent him one last one and asked that he keep me updated.

I haven't heard from him since, so I don't know what's going on, and I am worried. I love him, and I worry about him. Nobody takes care of him, and he just takes on everyone else's stress. It's not good for him. But it's not my place right now to intervene or participate in this... At least I don't think so... I just don't know.

I didn't ever get an update on the situation, so I did decide to give him a call this afternoon and check in. I just left him a voicemail message that I was thinking about his dad and wondering if he was ok, and just that... I was thinking about them.

So it's the middle of the night, I'm laying here thinking about him, and worrying about his dad, and just missing him SO much. I just really do love him, and just can't help but hold on to that so confident thought that I have had these last 5 months we have been together that he is the right person for me. And I feel lost without him. I am handling it very well actually... thanks to my medication probably. But right now, I just feel like part of me is missing. And I don't know how to find it again, and I don't know that I will ever get it back. And that is what makes my soul ache.