Torts grades are out

I've been processing this for 24 hours. Our Torts grades came out, a full MONTH ahead of schedule on Tuesday night.

Unforunately, I did not pass.

I got a C+ on the final, and an overall C, 73.3% in the course. I needed a B-, or 77% overall grade in the course.
So, what does this mean?

I need an overal 2.3gpa, including my summer school courses from last year. Currently I am hovering right under a 2.0. That's a huge gap.
In order to pass now, I'll need a straight B in my other two classes (Contracts and Professional Responsibility [Ethics]) . I'm thinking that's pretty unlikely. I may possibly get a B in Ethics, but I felt like I got a pretty solid C walking out of Contracts. So... that doesn't work.

After meeting with the Dean today, i have discovered I am not eligible to petition to move forward on probation. You are only allowed to enroll on probation ONCE, and this year was apparently considered probationary.

One freaking bad move after another. (In regards to summer school...) I should have recognized that everything going on with David I should have waited. But... I just wanted to be in school SO BADLY because of how humiliated I was at Western and everything that happened there.
I'm in a much better mental state now than I was in a year ago ( for sure, since a year ago I was in the fetal position in the shower crying over David.) and a much better student. But not good enough.

So, I have to sit and wait it out, wait for the grades to come in, 1 down, 2 to go. They will come in sometime in the next 2 weeks. Then, depending on what my grade is, in a worst case scenario, which is the most likely at this point, is I will be out of Lincoln, and needing to make a decision about my life as a whole.

Frankly, if I'm not in law school, I don't have a clue what to do with my life. I know I want a graduate degree. So...? But is any grad school going to take me at this point with these blemishes on my record now? And what degree? i don't even know what I would apply for. I looked at Sac State's website, and it looked like they required a 3.0 in your last 60 units for most of the degrees that were in any way remotely interesting to me. But I don't know if I have that because Sac State got rid of the old web program that kept track of our grades and I don't know what I had. I know my overall was a 2.9 or something. Maybe Government. I'll need a copy of my transcripts and I'll need to take the GRE exam first. I'll be out of school at least a year.

I feel lost and kind of confused. I hate being back here again. No direction. Nothing positive to say or look forward to. Don't know what I want to do with my life.

And somehow people have still said to me in the last few weeks that they envied me. WHY?

The other option, is to study and pass the the baby bar in october and just re-apply to Lincoln, since I already know the first year material. (If I were a 1st time 1st year, I'd be fine right now. Ecstatic even with my grades.)

I don't think it's fair that I should be held to the prior law student standard of a 2.3 when I didn't receive a full year of instruction at Western and was only there 3.5-4 months. Sigh.

I have to wait for the grades and see what's what. In the meantime. I dont know what I am doing.

180's

I crossed over! I am officially in the 180's, barely!!! 189.8 WHEWHOO!

ME AND THE KIDS

Just another day with me and the kiddos. I decided it was time for a family picture so when we were outside for Recess I put the camera on a table and took this on the timer. Don't we look like TRIPLETS?! No one will know they are adopted. Because we are all white with red hair, SEE?! TRIPLETS! Yisserree bob!

Ok, and just for fun, this is me in my new workout outfit. I've been wearing it for a few weeks (I went down a size in the stretchy work out clothes) I have this thing where I MUST work out in tank tops, and if they are loose they bother me because you can see my sports top/bra thing so it needs to be fitted. And then my shorts, I can't wear normal shorts because I'll get a heat rash and if I wear pants i am too hot. Nobody seems to sell work out capris anymore so this is what I am doing now.

I am mad though because I am up a pound today. Pooh.

My friend Michelle graduated from Sac State today, and I met her family in the stands at Arco Arena and watched her graduation for the whole two hours (Whewhoo for chairs and air conditioning!!) and then had dinner with her family and friends at the Broiler Restaurant in downtown Sacramento.

It was uber-fancy, so I must tell you about my meal.

Appetizers of fried kalamari (ick) and bleu creese, crustini, dried cherries, bread and butter.

Then, we started with a baby spinach salad with glazed walnuts, mushrooms ( icky), bacon, and bleu cheese with a balsamic vinagrette. Tasty.

Main course I had filet mingon, with colcoceee (something) mashed potatos, and baby bok choy. The filet was awesome, the mashed potatos were stunning and the bok choy was new to me and was just fine.

Then we finished with marble chocolate/vanilla cake, fresh strawberry filling, and coffee. (Decaf for me, with cream, no sugar.)

Then my friend Michelle and I and her friends Kate and Larissa who I hadn't met before gabbed in the parking garage for almost FOUR HOURS until well after midnight, at which point when we tried to go- the garage was LOCKED!!! SERSIOUSLy. We almost called 911. THere was only one way out and there was this floor to ceiling gate. But then someone heard us talking and someone in the kitchen of the restuarant or something came out and turned the door on and let us out. PHEW! Scary for a minute there.

So here is a picture of me and Michelle at the arena after she graduated. Tomorrow I have a short wedding, and then sunday I have a long wedding. Pooh. Okie dokie, nighty night :)

ONE YEAR

One year ago yesterday, this first picture of me was taken. I know it's not a good picture of my body, but you can see my face at least. I weighed 233 pounds. (I'm in the middle in the blue shirt, my niece Rachel is standing in front of me)

This picture was taken yesterday. I weighed in at 192 pounds this morning, which is 41 pounds in total lost.

One year ago TODAY David and I broke up. I have gone through today "ok" I guess. No tears, no break downs, just a headache, a bath and a couple of naps. I have been REALLY tired with this weird schedule I started staying up until all hours of the night studying and getting up early- I can't seem to break the habit. I was so tired this morning I felt like I had the flu- my body ached, my head hurt, I was shakey- yuck. So I don't think all of that was about David but I suppose it could. I started to get upset when I realized that today, like I did one year ago I went to the Ikea shopping center- David and I went there, and then to dinner, and then for a walk, and then he took me home and then we "talked" for several hours. So when I realized I had inadvertently headed to the same spot, just to run an errand I started to get upset but I stuffed it.

I am unhappy ( in that respect) and I miss him but I guess I am getting better. Sigh. I'd give anything for a hug.

THAT"S IT!

School is over! I took my last final, I feel good about it! YAY! If my instincts are right, I really, truely, honestly have a decent chance of passing first year this time. (verge of happy tears) Maybe, just maybe. There's a chance, and right now it feels like a GOOD chance. I tried hard, I really did. I suppose I could have tried harder, I wish I had, so there wasn't any doubt, but we will just have to see. So I am excited about that. And now I am officially on a 2 week school vacation. YAY. I'm going to be working pretty much the whole time, but it's a homework-free zone at least. I am soooooo tired.

You have to help me be excited about the year being over, because I had a really awful time after the final tonight.

The mean guy and the mean girl were mean to me. (Did ya see THAT coming? Ha, ha, right, why am I suprised?) Why can't these people leave me alone? Isn't avoiding you enough? The mean guy yelled at me, and called me names and made fun of me. He had been drinking. But that doens't make it ok.

I cried the whole way home.

Also, the mean girl was saying awful things about my friend- gossip-untrue gossip- and I asked her to stop, Hey you know she's my friend, I'm not comfortable talking about this with you. She kept harping and harping.

DEEP SIGH. I am really tense. I haven't had anyone treat me this way since elmentry school. I really would like some advice. I need help. If i pass my classes, I am going to be spending even more time with these people, I need to find a solution.

:(

Anybody who reads this ever have an opinion or advice? :(

EEE-GADS!

Jim-Bob & Michelle Duggar just announced they are having Baby #18! YAHOOOOOO!

Seriously, I adore this family. They are crazy, but I love them!!!

http://www.duggarfamily.com/

I stepped on the scale


this morning and....



I am 40.4 pounds down in total.





YAY!

WISH ME LUCK

My first final is today at 6:00pm, and this is the begining of the end of my first year of law school, and what will determine what direction my life heads in from here. If I don't get to the two B- and one C+ final course grades that I need, I will be cut again, and this will be all over. So everybody cross your fingers (and your toes), pray, chat, meditate... whatever you do to make sure that what I have done to prepare for this day is enough to carry me through, and that in six or so weeks from now I'll be happily posting as a second year, with the MERE 2.0 required minimum gpa requirements ( Oh, GOD, the GLORY of a 2.0!!! Rice and Beans to 2.3's!!!!!!!!!)

I am calm, I am nervous, I am scared, and lastly, I'd REALLY like to be able to take Amelia Mae (my kitty cat) to my final so I could snuggle her right up until "the end."



She seems to sense this and has been clingy and sitting next to me or on my lap- climbed in the shower with me this morning.



It's 9:04am. Nine hours on the countdown. Phew. Wish me luck.

MY CAT REALLY IS A FREAK

 

Ok, #1, my new favorite song is "Lovely Tonight" by Joshua Radin. I found it on a wedding photographer's blog for a slideshow and I adore it. Go download it. I love the sound. It's fabulous.

#2. Clearly my cats are freaks. Here I set forth the evidence.

a.) Two nights ago Tootie got up at 3am and "killed" a bag of cotton balls. He dragged it all over the house, and sprinkled hundreds and hundreds of shredded cotton balls all over the house. Now my theory is I hit a bunny ( my first road kill incident- I cried! I fel tawful for the baby bunny :( ) and I think Tootie was traumatized by his Mommy being a bunny killer and he acted out the murder (Peter Cottontail=Rabbit=Bunny=Cotton balls) LOL Ok I am kidding, but seriously he made a HUGE mess. See pictures of huge mess. When he finnished doing this, I guess he got hungry because he then got a bag of baked pretzels OUT OF THE CUPBOARD and OPENED THE BAG and ATE THEM. Not kidding. No one believed me. WHich brings me to part b....

b.) I am up late working and I hear a noise, and here is Tootie, walking out of the kitchen with ANOTHER bag of baked pretzels. He carried them around in his mouth, ripped open the bag and ate them.

Therefore, my cats are freaks. And I have proof!!!

Additionally, for your viewing pleasure, here is Tootie trying to dig a HOLE in the mirror, and hiding in a pile of blankies.

:/

ON BEING ANGRY

So I told that girl what her boyfriend had done to me. (Humiliating me in public, calling me names, laughing at me, putting me down for my family, called me trash, said everything I said was garbage, inferred I was promiscuous [I AM NOT!] in front of a group of CLASSMATES in addition to excluding me, putting me down, throwing garbage in my face, mocking my friend's, taking pleasure in other people's pain, etc.)

and she initially handled it will. I had no intention of telling her anything, ever, but she said something about me ignoring him or being rude (WHICH I AM NOT! I am always polite, just not overly friendly, nor do I initiate contact. We are not friends, why would I?) and I got mad and I just exploded on the phone. I literally could not hold the words in my mouth. They just flew out of my mouth and I was telling her everything before I could stop myself and I knew it was a mistake.

See, because he's her BOYFRIEND. Of course she will take his side, do everything she can to minmize the situation, belittle my feelings and then make me out to be psycho for being so angry. She's his girlfriend. Of course her loyalty is to him, and not me.

Even though I know these things and expect nothing less from her, I am on the flip side absolutely LIVID that she would not be 1.) angry with HIM 2.) hurt for ME 3.) and DUMP HIM because clearly, he is not a good guy. Good guys don't act how he acts. HELLO!

She suprisingly handled it well, thanked me for trying to leave her out of it the last few months, and thanked me for telling her the truth. She didn't minimize the incident where he called me "trash" too much, but overall tried to explain away his actions. Which I tried really hard not to be angry about. You can't explain away behavior like that. He's just a ... well you know....[ INSERT ANGRY ADJECTIVE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

He is not a nice person. There are NO excuses. PERIOD.

But I did apologize for bringing her into it, told her I hoped I hadn't hurt her in any way and that I really did understand that her perspective of him was totally different from mine and that it always hurt me when people said unkind things about David, because David was my partner and therefore an extension of myself. So if you said something about him, you hurt me, because I chose to be with him, and therefore that was an insult to me, because I chose to be with that person- or "a person like that." Like if I said he was a jerk, then she looks bad because she's dating someone whose a jerk.

So anyway, things seemed ok, or fixable. But then I was on my way to my favorite Starbucks to study and drink tea, and she texted me and asked for directions! So she would be there too. So I gave her directions. Then she said her boyfriend was coming too.

I was so mad! First of all, I go to that Starbucks EVERY DAY. I have told a select few about it (the inside is open 24 hours so I can study all night if I want) and we study there. I go there because I HATE going to school to study because he is ALWAYS there. Therefore, I go to Starbucks to avoid him. And he is NOW GOING TO BE GOING THERE TOO!

So I went right back home, and she texted me again and said that "everyone is mature enough to deal with us al being here." So of course the inference is that if I don't go I am immature.

I will tolerate being polite to him at school but I am not going to voluntarily socialize with him and have him be up in my business. He really hurt me. He is and was really awful to me. I talked to him about it, and it got worse. So I don't ever want to be around this person again because he is clearly not an adult. So anyway, I went home.

Then I was mad because she inferred I was immature if I didn't go. Which I think is really poopy.

And she was like, well lots of people at shcool don't like each other and they get along just fine. You are belitting my HATRED of this guy who insulted my FAMILY, ME PERSONALLY, my BELIEFS and my FRIENDS and my LIFE AS A WHOLE, to just "not liking him?????" WHAT?!


Look, I am not a rude or unkind person. So I may really hate him, but if I walked into a store and saw him there, I'd say "Hi" give him the head bob, and be polite because that's what you do. I am not going to sit in Starbucks across the room from him for hours and hours and ignore him. But I am not going to be in a social position where I have to HANG OUT with him or STUDY with him either!


I AM SO ANGRY! And now I am sitting at home watching tv instead of studying, which is what I would be doing if I were at Starbucks. I am furious. Somebody help me!! I want to cry I am so frustrated.