HELP! I need somebody, HELP!

I am trying to find this darn blog that I can't remember the name of!!! lol It's a big blog, a popular blog, lots of readers and followers.

I'm pretty sure it's a food blog, but I could be wrong. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm not even really sure what the blog is about- which obviously makes finding it through googling alot harder!

I just have this pictre in my head of this blog that I liked and I can't even remember what it was! Likely either food, or homekeeping. Maybe someone can help! The top of the blog is very colorful, I think it shows a picture of a retro kitchen. The background color is white. There is a woman, the writer of the blog in a svelt, form fitting 50's-60's style dress and high heel pumps. I think she's got her hand over her mouth like "Uh oh!" and one foot popped up in the back. I know this is totally random but anybody recognize this? I want to say it has something like "In a cupcake!" in the name, but when I google that, I'm not finding it... I also had the name Lulu pop into my head too but I can't find anything that way either! And it's been so long since I was on the blog it's not in my history anymore. Anybody?

"Coffee Date" Dress (A Frock by Friday)

Funny considering my last post was about my first date at a coffee place and this project I'm working on is called "Coffee Date!"

This week I am participating in the "Frock by Friday" challenge/group project on my favorite sewing website, Grosgrain! I have never made a dress before, but have really been wanting to for quite a few months now- made a really bad attempt a few months back- it did not go over so well. (That may be what happens when you just make it up as you go along. lol)

This time, I am following along with a new post every day this week with instructions from Grosgrain, and I downloaded the pattern for free as a pdf from Bruda Style. I had to print out the pattern, tape it all together and then cut it out, but it was just fine! I barely screwed that part up at all!

What's great about this, is that Grosgrain is doing this to help us less advanced, or beginner, or first time sewers how to put a dress together. We're all working on the same pattern and can leave comments each day when we get confused or stuck on a step. I feel like it's just as good as a sewing class so far and I am pretty proud of myself!

I have the skirt pieced together, but I just wanted to take a picture of the top so far. What do you think?

The pattern we are working off of was a free download, which was great. Bummer is, it is a pattern designed just by some random person- they made the pattern themself, which is totally awesome, but there were a couple of (easy to fix) mistakes. The problem I am having is that the top is way too small. Now, the lady who writes Grosgrain had the exact same problem and she is teeny-tiny- but she's breastfeeding, and commented that she is bustier than usual. Well, I am bustier than the average gal, and I think that's the problem. Because of my bust, it's making the top really short. So I left a comment on Grosgrain to ask her for advice on what I should do. It barely makes it over my chest. I really don't want it to look like am empire waisted dress when it's supposed to be a traditional a-line dress! LOL

Also, this pattern is sleeveless, but so many people asked to make sleeves that Grosgrain made or tracked down a sleeve pattern for us, but since this is my first dress at all, and I am just barely making it through as-is AND I have huge arms, I figured I would save that challenge for the next dress. Which I already bought the fabric for. lol The next one is red. I'm going to use the same pattern as a base and then modify it, which I think I will be able to do just fine on my own since I've got something to jump off of. For that one I am going to do 3/4 length sleeves, hopefully a boatneck, and hopefully some cute pleating/ruffles on the bottom. We will see how the rest of this goes!

First Anniversary

Well, here we are! We have had a topsy-turvy year and maybe it hasn't been a continuous relationship, but today is the anniversary of Matt & I's first date. (Cue "Awwww"'s)

We started talking/chatting the previous February, but we didn't manage to get together until one year ago today, April 27th. It was a Monday and we planned to meet at Starbucks. He had just gotten back from a guy's trip to Hawaii with a married guy friend from college, but I think his sunburn was just about gone by then.

I remember on the morning-of that I was running around trying to get ready, and after months of just texting, he suddenly starts calling me. Like over and over again! I am trying to get ready boy! He kept teasing me and trying to get me to hurry up because he got to Starbucks HALF AN HOUR early! And ok, Emily runs on "Duggar time" if you know what that means. I think our date was like 11am in the morning too... Imagine Emily being conscious at all at that hour being that I work from home. Right... It could have been UGLY! Lucky for Matty I set the alarm!

I wore green loose fitting linen-type cargo-ish capris on bottom and I can't remember what I wore on top now! :-O I think it was a shirt and sweater. I know I had on flip flops and had recently had a pedicure from when I was visiting Kristin in Utah- Matt specifically commented on my fancy toes, so that was easy to recall!

Matt and I talked on the phone while I drove to West Sac to the Starbucks on Reed Avenue by Ikea. Ironically, this was also the Starbucks in which I shared my last beverage and ate my last dinner with my ex-boyfriend, and where I had studied so many hours and was stalked by that horrid man when I was in law school. At least I managed to pave over this site with some more positive feelings!

He had asked what car I drove, so he was all prepared when I pulled up and got out of his truck and met me on the sidewalk the second I stepped up! He appeared like, out of nowhere I remember. I think he had a red shirt on, I KNOW he had lightwash jeans on, and the HORROR- blindingly white sneakers!!! Yelch! And his jeans were like, somewhat tucked into the tops of his shoes! It was awful! LOL Good thing he's cute! I have no idea why he dressed like that when we first met because I have learned he has great taste. He has like every collared shirt Express ever made and I've only seen him wear this great pair of dark, fashionably loose/comfy jeans since. He sort of looked like his closet threw up on him at this particular moment, but you know... I dated my very unattractive ex for three years, whom I referred to as "the ugly cowboy" for the first six months of our relationship. Emily knows that love is blind. LOL

The first thing I commented on was how skinny he was. He seemed miffed. then he accused me of fancy toes. the battle was ON!

We chatted in line, he got a white chocolate fluffy iced mocha with no whip (he said he couldn't afford the calories, LOL) and I got hot fruity blueberry tea with splenda. You know, that was my beverage of choice in law school because it has no calories and is cheap but still exciting because it is all blueberryish, but I think our first date might have been the last time I ever got it. Hmm! I remember my tea was too hot and I had to take the lid off to let it cool. Matt nervously shook his iced drink after basically every sip, which just made me more and more relaxed and calm because I could see how nervous he was.

At some point I had to use the restroom, and when I think of this, I still totally cringe, because for some reason, I just flat out said, "I need to pee." The second the words came out of my mouth I wanted to die. Why did I have to be so crude!! I was so embarrassed. Why couldn't I just say I needed to use the ladies or use the powder room or something like a real lady would! Ugh, the horror!

We talked for around two hours, mostly about his job and criminal justice type stuff. Finally we left! And that was it!

Except the second I pulled out of the parking lot he called me to tell me I rolled through the stop sign.

I said it then, and I still maintain my original statement: I DID NOT!

lol

Things sure do change quickly around here!

In my last personal post, I told you about how I had been struggling with how I should plan out my future since it looked like Matt would be relocating to Oregon after his stint at FLETC in Georgia. And guess what? He's thinking he might not go now! lol



What will I ever do with this man? lol



He's informed me he just has this strong gut feeling that it's not the right choice. That's all he could give me.



With every decsion he makes... I understand him more and more. I don't know why, but he's just starting to make sense to me! lol



I was and am surprised about this new development, and it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I was quite upset when he told me he was accepting the job with ATF because he would be gone so long, move so far away, and would potentially lose all of his backpay from the CHP. But then, as I always do, I got used to it, accepted it, and embraced it. I even designed my own "I love my Apecial Agent" t-shirt! And I ordered a ATF zip up sweatshirt! Here's a picture:





It says "Alcohol, Tobbacco & Firearms: Who's bringing the food?"

lol Obviously I got it just to be funny.


lol So now, what am I going to do with my new clothes?! lol


I looked up the return policy with Cafe Press and I've got 30 days to return them, so I guess Matt has 30 days to decide whether he is taking this position or not!


He doesn't have any new offers other than what I've already mentioned, but that doesn't mean he won't get more. It's totally possible he could get offered a job with ATF much closer to home- like in San Francscio, which would be great- way closer to home, to his parents, to me. I don't know if that's what he is thinking in the back of his head or not, but it's a possibility.

I was driving around a couple of days ago and I was overcome with this flood of memories of when I used to drive out to Fairfield to meet Matt for lunch in our early days of dating. I think one week I drove out there 4 days in a row. Each day I went out he would fuss over me for driving so far and get a puppy-dog look on his face and say how wonderful I was for doing that. Then he'd say how worried he was about me driving out there, the gas, the miles on my car... lol He always paid for my lunch and gave me some hugs and kisses so it felt like a fair trade to me! He still has never once let me pay for anything. Never! Even when he came last week to visit and we walked around the corner to get something to drink he wouldn't let me pay, and wouldn't even let me bring my purse so I "couldn't try anything." lol The gentlemen in him is cute.

Anyway, thinking about those days, last spring.., he was so, so happy doing his job. He never had any discontent or worry when he worked out of the Fairfield office. He saw his folks every other weekend, he got lots of daytime shifts... He was happy there. Meeting him at work, (checking him out in his super cute uniform!) sharing a meal and chatting was so fun. I loved that. Our second date, we met at Kinder's (a BBQ place near his office) for lunch and we shared a hug for the first time! I miss that. I gave him some Kinder's BBQ sauce for Christmas (they sell it, it's so good!) but it's just not the same. The pace of his life here was just completely different.


It makes me sad.

There is still a possibility he can go back to the CHP. He hasn't heard from them yet. He had expressed to me quite bitterly that he didn't want to. But he loved his job and if he went back his life wouldn't have to undergo any of these massive changes. It's the simplest solution. I wonder if he is hoping again that that door isn't quite shut yet...

The one year anniversary of our first official date is on Tuesday, April 27th! :)

Reester Eggs (updated)

I got this recipe from the"Never Growing Old" blog, and I gotta say... making the double batch is probably wise... or not if you're dieting... lol Because they are soooo good!

Here is the recipe link to NGO's blog and here are my pictures from the ones I made at Easter!

Recipe for Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs: http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com/2010/03/creamy-peanut-butter-eggs-mmmmmm_23.html

Here is the recipe pasted in below from her blog, but I have added in my notes and changed things here and there, but there are pictures on NGO's blog of the process as you go along if you need it!

Single Batch Recipe

3/4 pound butter (3 sticks) (do not use margarine) Room Temperature
2 pounds Powdered Sugar
13 oz. Marshmellow Creme
2 lbs. Peanut Butter (Jif seems to taste the best)
2 1/2 lbs. Chocolate Coating Disks (see below)



Double Batch Recipe
1 1/2 pound butter (6 sticks) (do not use margarine) Room Temperature
4 pounds Powdered Sugar
26 oz. Marshmellow Creme
4 lbs. Peanut Butter (Jif seems to taste the best)
5 lbs. Chocolate Coating Disks (see below)

These directions are for the double batch!
Once the butter is soft, use electric mixer and beat the butter and 1 pound powdered sugar on medium speed until creamy.
Add the 26 oz. marshmellow cream.
Beat with mixer on medium speed until mixed.
Add the 4 lbs of Peanut Butter
Beat with mixer on medium speed until smooth
Next add the remaining 3 pounds of powdered sugar a pound at a time... take your time, it's going to be a little thick.
Lay wax paper on cookie sheets. Shape mixture into oval eggs. Place on cookie sheets.
Put cookie sheets in refrigerator for several hours or freezer for 45 minutes. They have to be really cold before you can dip them in the chocolate.
After they are cold, melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Or, heat the chocolate at 30 second intervals in the microwave. Stir every 30 seconds until the chocolate looks glossy. Be careful not to burn it!
Once the chocolate is ready use a skewer, a stick, a chopstick, SOMETHING thin and pokey. I forget what I used. I might have used a fork and careful covered up the poke holes by laying the egg down on that side. I might have scooped it instead of stabbing it too.
 Dip one egg at time...let the excess drip off.

You can make your eggs alittle fancier if you want by drizzling some of the excess chocolate over an egg that has already been dipped. My first batch I did that, and the second, third and fourth batches (ahem) I heated up white chocolate, dyed the chocolate some Eastery looking colors and drizzled that on top to make it look pretty and festive.


Some extra tips:
You can't heat all the chocolate at once, it cools too fast...(and you can't do all the eggs at once, they heat up to room temp too fast) ...while the chocolate is heating, put the eggs that you didn't dip back into the refrigerator or better yet, FREEZER...take one tray out at a time..keeping the other trays cold. You can use a paper towel to wipe off your tool after each dip. (I didn't do that though) The colder the egg, the easier it is to dip.

I made a few changes to the recipe, and I was really happy with the outcome. I tried doing closer to the regular way on my second batch, but I think I still prefer my altered recipe.

In addition to the peanut butter, powdered sugar, butter and marshmellow fluff for the filling, I also added a bunch of wheat germ. I didn't measure, but it might have been as much as half of the standard size jar. I just kept adding it under the dough was firmer, but still clumped when rolled. I think the wheat germ really helps mimic the texture of a real reese's and also adds a bit of healthiness to it too. If I make these again, I will also add fiber powder to it too... can never have too much fiber! LOL

The second change I made was with the chocolate coating. Instead of using chocolate melting discs, I used nicer chocolate and just added some vegetable oil while it was melting to get it to the right consistency.

I made a batch with cadbury dairy milk and hershey's chocolate bars, and dilluted a bit down with the cheap "almond bark" brand of chocolate to stretch it and save some money. I did another batch, also with the almond bark brand chocolate, and that other brand of chocolate... not toblerone... Ferrera? Not Ferrera Roche... Whatever the brand of chocolate which makes the chocolate bars in the shapes of oranges? That brand, I got a couple of oranges, but they were plain chocolate flavored. I think those made the best ones, but all were delish. I can't say enough about this recipe- it's awesome!

Peace

I don't know how or when or why, but at some point recently, all of the stress and confusion I've experienced in this relationship with Matt... just faded away. It's just mostly gone. I have no doubt that he is the right person for me, and I am the right person for him. We are totally in love and just crazy about each other. I don't know how things will work out; I can flippantly say, maybe they won't work out. But I don't believe that. I believe it will. I just can't put my finger on it, and I wish I could, because I could articulate my feelings so much better if I understood this. I think slowly over time, my insecurities just kind of faded and maybe I just really accepted that there are things in our lives right now that we cannot control. I can't control what happened with our jobs, I can't control our families health, nor can I control either of our emotions or emotional health. The only thing I can control is my reaction to those things. And, I have chosen to celebrate those things worthy of joy... no matter how big or small.

Matty got a fantastic new job working as a special agent for the federal government. It is awesome. The only unawesome thing about it is he will be shipped off for training in the south for about six months. It's going to be hard, but, I think we are better prepared this time for the separation.

After training, his post is going to be in Portland. Pretty far. We haven't figured this out yet, and we do need to have a talk to figure out what we each want to do. Matt doesn't want to live together until we get married (just like as roomates), but I'm not very willing to move to another state where I don't know anyone, and then not be with my partner.

I also have some choices to make about my education. I am going to continue on with a graduate education. In what, I have no idea. The two two contenders are currently a.) law school or b.) a master's in social work. An MSW has been in the lead in the last few months, but since Matt got that job, suddenly an MSW just doesn't seem good enough. Does that make sense? He's a federal agent... married to a social worker? No.... A federal agent, married to an attorney? Now that sounds better... But do I want to go back to law school? The longer I am out of school the more I doubt my intelligence and my capabilities of being successful in law school. But why? The only answer I have for that is insecurity, and the erosion of my stamina due to my depression... It's hard to believe that you are capable of being a dedicated, hardworking student when it's exhausting to just go to the grocery store.

Also... if I were to go back to law school, which state am I going to go to school in? Law school is a 3 or 4 year committment depending on the program. If I don't go to Oregon and live separately from Matt up there, and I go back to school, I will be unable to move or get married for up to 4 years. That's a long time. But, if I moved up there, and went to school, that would be ok for ahwile, but I suspect that Matt (and I) would always have the goal of coming back to California... in which case I would need to pass the California bar. Rule of thumb is you should go to law school in the state in which you plan to practice. If I plan on practicing in California at any time... really it would be much wiser to go to school here because the CA bar is so much more difficult.

If I were to get an MSW, it wouldn't matter where I went to school, and if I needed to transfer, I could. Transfers are possible in law school, but it is much, much more difficult and I don't know if it's possible to transfer across state lines.

I have some big decisions to make, and I really need to talk those out with my partner; my Matty, but if anyone else has any input or advice, that would be wonderful.

My life to-do list right now is as follows:

Find a job, or volunteer opportunity where I could get a reccomendation letter from my employer.

Study for and take the GRE or the LSAT (again)

Apply to schools

Go to school.

I have been stuck on step 1 for a year. Carmen recently emphasized to me how important it was to have volunteering on my resume particularly when I am "unemployed." This is something I haven't really realized in the past, but when she said it, it really made sense and clicked with me. Since then I also heard another random person online say it as well. Hearing it from two totally different unaffiliated sources helps reinforce that in my mind.

I'm stuck on whether I should persue volunteering, or a regular job. I'm struggling finding a job because I don't have the sufficient experience at the levels at which I would like to work, and I am overqualified, and therefore not even considered for the lower positions. Volunteering would give me a loophole, but "giving up" (that's what it feels like) and doing that is emotionally draining and overall, exhausting. It also ties me to my photography work indefinietly. That doesn't make me so happy.

It was funny though, I told Matt, if I was just going to be a stay at home mom, I would totally be ok with being a photographer. Because it would be for fun...

OH! Also, one more thing. I mentioned the tattoo that Matt got a couple of posts ago. It is not as big as he made it out to be. Apparently he was trying to freak me out to be funny. lol It is not visible in a short sleeved t-shirts. Unfortunately, he does not plan on it being the last one. He wants to cover his other arm. I hate this so much... But I can't stop him, and thank goodness, working in law enforcement forbids having any visible tattoos, so he will never get one that shows. So it will just be me looking at these things, or when he goes swimming. Maybe we can hide them from my Dad forever then...

So what do you think of the facelift?

Obviously, I have alot of things to talk about concerning Matt and I... and I can see by re-reading some of my other posts that I most definetly wrote them at my point of highest hysteria and upset because I didn't even remember I thought some of those things or wrote those things, or said those things! (I am going to update the story in another post tomorrow... stay tuned!)

That is one of the things I hate about this blog! I really pour my heart out here and there are only certain people whom I am comfortable knowing every corner of my soul... so not very many people have access to this blog! I would like it if I could just have a fun family blog where everyone could check out and see what is happening at my house, and update it regularly, etc., but the truth is, when I come here to write, I am coming here to get some things off my chest so I can be relieved of the burden of carrying them with me. I am so very grateful to have this portal to do that, and also that I have people I trust with those innermost private thoughts and feelings.

Eventually we will come to the day when this IS a family blog (please, please, please!) and I will need to figure out a way to hide all of my old posts from everyone else in the world! But until then, it's just a small circle of friends here. I usually leave comments on other people's blog under my photography blog profile, but if I randomly leave comments for you under this profile- know that even if you haven't written me over here before, I am saying you are welcome here by sharing the link! (In case anyone was wondering, or being scared off by the above paragraph!! LOL)

Anyway, small circle of friends here... what do you think of all the work I did on this blog? It took me hours and hours, but I finally got it updated to where it is in the similar format to my work blog. It's wider, new header, fancy fonts, matching colors, the disappearing navigation bar at the top, I even designed and created my own little signature for the bottom of my posts! In't it so cute? And it only took like 5 million hours to figure out how to do! LOL I am having fun just admiring my handiwork all on my own though! Ha!

How to Save a Life

My dad's fiance took some common antibiotic in February to help speed up the recovery from a bad case of the flu. (I don't understand why a doctor would give her an antibiotic for a virus, but whatever.) Apparently, Andrea is one of those in that .5% or whatever that had a severe reaction to it, and it shut her liver down.

About three weeks after she took the medication she was out for Sunday breakfast with my Dad- something they do every Sunday and always have. (They go to Spires at the bottom of Nohl Ranch Road right before the freeway - the 55? I think it's Nohl Ranch and Santa Ana Canyon. Been so long since I've lived there I'm rusty!

Anyway, she asked my dad if her eyes looked kind of yellow... he said that yeah, they were. Over the next couple of days her entire body turned a dark yellow and she started getting really sick.

Initially when they took her into the hospital, they thought she had this really rare disorder where your body can only process a certain amount of Iron in your lifetime and then your liver just dies. So they had all of these dietary restrictions and she couldn't eat anything with iron in it anymore. She was really freaked out and depressed and basically reacted to that by not eating at all, so that made her sicker.

Eventually they figured out she was actually in liver failure, and after a month in the hospital she finally got a transplant. Good timing too, I guess because she was losing motor control, cognotive thought... not recognizing people, etc. My dad let it slip she was having to wear a diaper too because she couldn't get out of bed and she was getting infections from her cath... Ugh. Her blood pressure was really bad before the surgery as well... about 70/40 most of the time...

Transplant was in the middle of the night on Monday and it went great! She is at UCLA's Liver Transplant Center or whatever and I guess has a big fan base with the hospital staff because she's one of the success stories. She's getting better and better every day and started eating solid food today or yesterday I think. Just a little bit, jello, etc, but she was able to do something other than IV's and the rare sip of water. What is weird about this whole thing is that apparently she has gained 5 pounds since being in the hospital, so I guess they said she is retaining a ton of fluid.

Her incision is 14 inches across horizontally and has a drain in it right now. They also had some other thing in there... forget what it's called but it's helping to hold everything where it is supposed to be and has to be removed surgerically. She has already had one surgery since the transplant and has to have one more to finish up and take the rest of the stuff out. She still has the PICC line in, and they are taking blood several times a day and monitoring her for a ton of stuff. I guess the transplant spikes your blood sugar so they had to put her on insulin to control it. It's on a constant rollercoaster so I think they are checking it every hour while they figure out her dosages.

So, it is all going good, and her memory is coming back. Apparently she can't remember the passwords to any of her accounts for anything so she is playing in my Dad's email and things until it comes back.

I think this whole thing really freaked my Dad out... and I also think that it was probably a WHOLE LOT worse than he let on. He has sent us email updates every night on her condition for the last month and I haven't really talked to him much at all on the phone because I know he is so stretched out already trying to take care of Andrea. Andrea's son Joe, who went to HS with Kristin P. and me (these are the Cockrell's who lived near Kaiser by you guys.. that is who my dad is engaged to!!), Joe and my Dad have been taking home care classes together at UCLA so they can take care of her when she comes home, which will happen in about another 2.5 weeks at a minimum, if everything goes perfectly without hiccups.



So, not the greatest story, but that's what's going on. I am pretty far removed from it, being in Nor Cal and everything, but it still stresses me, and I know I am edgy even though I am emotionally distant from it. But it does upset me because it upsets my Dad and Andrea is a very nice person, it is terrible this happened to her. Also not being able to talk to my Dad for a couple of months is a big adjustment to me!

So... make sure you stick that sticker on your license to be a donor! Remember your body is just a shell... your soul is whole whether or not you save lives by donating...