The Road to Chicago

For the last three years I have been applying to the lottery for the New York Marathon. Each year, no luck. 

This is how I ended up running Paris in 2017- you only register, no lottery. NY was still a dream though, so I continued to enter the lottery and applied to run as a charity runner in 2018. I eventually decided to try and start apply to other World Marathon major races and applied to London for 2018, (no luck), and Chicago, 

In the Fall of 2018, I found out I was accepted to Chicago 2019!

Given my injuries and six months of not walking last year, I started training in January. Also given my total lack of accountability when I tried for Paris (I literally went on six runs before the race.) I decided to set a fun goal: 

26 races leading to the 26.2!

So far I have run 17 races! Chicago will be the 26th. 

I am following the Hal Hidgon Novice 1 plan, and all is going fairly well, although if anything my pace average is worsening. Given how hot Sacramento is, it's getting pretty difficult to train. How do you run 10 miles after work when it's 105 degrees outside? I am still in PT, a full 18 months after my injury. My calves are "extraordinarily" tight and it's part of my plan to stretch them by standing on a book six times a day, including while I am at work. So far, nothing works. I think the one thing that has come out of training is that I have gained confidence that I can do anything. It's not scary to run a Half marathon. I know I can do it- I'll just walk. I can interval. It's okay! A 5k isn't that far, and it'll be over pretty fast. All races end and there's beer at the end and you get street cred. I like it. 

The running list so far!

1.) 2/23 Almond Blossom 8k, Ripon, CA 1:16:17 Average pace: 15:07

2.) 3/2 Donut Dash 4M, Sacramento CA 58:14 Average Pace: 14:15

3.) 3/9 Bok Kai 5K, Marysville CA 42:51 Average Pace: 13:16

4.) 3/16 Run to Get Lucky 5k Corvallis, OR 41:51 Average Pace: 13:11

5.) 3/17 Shamrock PDX 8k Portland, OR 1:14:38 Average Pace 14:45 

6.) 3/31 A Run & Walk Through History Cemetery 5k New Orleans, LA, 46:34 Average Pace 14:30

7.) 4/9 Hippity Hop, Plumas Lake CA, 44:00, Average Pace 14:09

8.) Salmon Run 10k, Grass Valley CA, 2:18:58 Average Pace 19:35 (Trail)

9.) Eugene Marathon 5k, Eugene OR, 42:29 Average Pace 13:06

10.) 5/4 Coloma River Run 10k, Pilot Hill, CA 1:54:31 Average Pace 17:49 (Trail)

11.) 5/4 Beer Week May the 4th be With you 5k, Sacramento CA 50:03 Average Pace 15:57 

12.) 5/13 Yosemite Half Marathon, Bass Lake, CA 3:32:06 Average Pace 15:29

13.) 6/9 Run to Squaw 8M 2:09:06 Average Pace 16:11

14.) 6/30 Mare Island 10k, Mare Island, CA 1:32:24 Average Pace 14:03

15.) 7/12 Scoot Scoop 5k 46:45 Average Pace 14:55

16.) 7/20 Peach Festival 5k, Marysville, CA 42:25 Average Pace: 13:04

17.) 7/28 Biofreeze San Francisco Half Marathon, San Francisco, CA 3:32:07 Average Pace 15:24

Scheduled:

23.) 9/15 Clo Cow Half Marathon

24.) 9/29 Napa Half Marathon

25.) 10/12 Chicago Marathon 5k- Maybe!

26.) 10/13 Chicago Marathon

Sorting out races 18-22!

I'm still working on my weight. I ate well for a full year, with intention, avoiding plastic and processed foods, but enjoying treats here and there (mostly neopolitan pizza fridays!) but a year of that and no binge eating just made me maintain my weight. I gave up and tried Slim Fast for a month and lost 8 pounds. I'm back to mostly healthy eating and just maintaining again. So I'll probably go back to something else. It's frustrating. Not looking for guidance, just venting. 

Sacramento Beer Week 5k PR

For the last 7 or so months I have been going to a once a week running club called Sloppy Moose! We do a 5k every week at a local brewery and then hang out and drink beer after! I have met some nice people, including a random guy who seems to be hanging on me a bit, but he seems nice enough!

This week I did a 5k race for Beer Week and I even PR'd! So exciting! The race people got a nice shot of me jumping too!

They ran out of shirts, so I got to wear my Oregon shirt, but I was totally okay with that anyway!

 And because I was wearing my Oregon shirt, I got randomly introduced to other Oregonians! Like this guy with this awesome tattoo! I loved it!

 Free with registration! Donuts and beer! YES!

 Also, funfetti cookies. Not so good for the waist line!

 There I am! Official time, 38:10!!!! The record still stands! So exciting!

Race Report: Beat the Blerch Half Marathon (My First!)

I finally did it, my first Half Marathon! I signed up for this thing months in advance because it sold out just hours after registration opened up- they even had to add extra days on the tour schedule because so many people tried to register. It was a little insane!

The night before the race, I picked up take out from Jack's Urban Eats and headed over to Daniel's to hang out. Urban fries (sweet potato fries covered in blue cheese dressing, blue cheese crumbles, spicy chili oil, red pepper flake and parsley!), mac n cheese and I think I might have had salad or something in there too. lol But I think my bottom line goal was to just have carbs. It was my excuse to eat badly after our crappy week and all of the junk food put me in an AWESOME mood and I felt great. I chowed down on the couch and did a little happy dance and Daniel just laughed at me. We hung out and talked and watched tv and cuddled a bit and then I headed home for a full nights rest before the race!

Saturday, November 14th I drove over to Raley Field in West Sacramento and lined up to the tunes of "Circle of Life" (yes, from the Lion King) and did my very first 13 mile run! I had basically stopped training for the race when Daniel and I started dating in September, so I was a wee nervous about how this was going to go, but I was still fairly optimistic because the course had an incredibly long time limit- something like 6 hours because there was also a full marathon also going on at the same time. I had picked this race specifically because it was a theme race and a fun run. All of the aid stations were stocked with nutella, birthday cake and "magical purple drink." The course also had couches for people to crash out on in case they wanted to quit! If the race hadn't been coming to Sacramento already, I would have flown to Washington where the race originated to take part in the main race. I did get to see the creator, the author of The Oatmeal when he was posing for pictures with people, which was fun and I got to take pictures with the Blerchs. (People in fat suits who chased us on the course route!)

Pre-Race Selfie!

 The Oatmeal!

These are BACON WRAPPED MARSHMALLOWS. (I passed...)

We ran a large portion of the course together, running alongside the river, crossing over Tower Bridge, weaving through Old Sacramento and Downtown and Midtown- I realized I was going to be running super close to Daniel's house and wished I had warned him so he could have come out and cheered for me! I ended up snapping him a picture of me waving at him instead as I passed nearby and we texted throughout the race. After I passed by his house (literally we live that close to each other) and then headed over into Discovery Park.

Waving Hi to my Sweetheart from a few blocks over, and yes, I was wearing fancy earrings. lol

My pace was pretty consistent, around 14 something minute miles, which was pretty great since I hadn't trained and was run-walking. I also had to take a few time outs because my sock rolled down pretty early on in the run and my heel started bleeding which stressed me immensely. I was able to find a first aid station though and got some band aids, although it was a pretty big bummer because my skin was sweaty and the band aids wouldn't stick. I tried to make due but my heels was pretty raw by the end.

Running through Discovery Park was the sketchiest part of the course and I for sure saw people having sex in the bushes along the river. I also very nearly saw a homeless fight start to break out going over one of the bridges, but it calmed down really quickly. This lady was telling this man to not mess with her, and I was thinking, yeah, I would not mess with you either!

After I got into double digital mileage I really started losing steam and sort of wanted to die a little. I started texting Daniel more and he was sending me encouragement and telling me I could do it, and I was so close! I stopped and took a bathroom break and accidentally stopped my time on my iPhone and lost about a .25 mile on the screen which about killed me! At the later aid stations I started getting a little more desperate and I switched from using my Gu and shot blocks to taking some of their birthday cake, and the electrolyte drink hoping it would help with my crashed out stores. I think it actually did help a little- probably the sugar, or maybe just having something different after all those miles of the same thing? I had never actually gone that far in training, not even close.

Coming into the finish was VERY exciting. We ran across Tower Bridge, down the street, behind Raley field and then finished ON the field. I smiled big like Runs for Cookies always says to do and got great pictures! I was very proud! I had really hoped Daniel would be in the stands waiting for me- I had hinted as such but we hadn't made actual plans to do so. So while I hadn't exactly expected it- I had hoped, and I was a little bummed I came into the stadium alone. It really made me miss my Oregon running friends A LOT after such a huge achievement.

 

 

 We got free downloads of all of our photos with our race registration but I never looked at them on a computer so this is all I have!

 

The food station was set up right at the finish, which I really appreciated because I didn't have to fight anybody for the food! I got potato chips and a banana and water and plopped into a seat to have a few bites of everything before hauling my butt up all the stairs to head out. I got pictures with a Blerch, and posed on one of the couches with a big jar of Nutella while I texted Daniel. He actually had come into West Sac to run some errands and was waiting for me over at my house, which was right near the stadium. So I headed out and met him back at home and he picked me up!

We went to In N Out for a celebratory lunch- burger for me, double-double for him, I think, and we both skipped fries and then ran around to some motorcycle shops a little further from town looking for a part to fix his bike from that accident back on Halloween. It was really fun to watch him nerd out with shop owners and listen to him talk about stuff he often knew more about that they did (he knew how to modify his bike to make other parts work on it) and one guy, the place he ended up ordering the part from said he must be on the online forums a lot and we both chuckled a bit. The nerding out was just cute to me and I said so. I wish we took a picture!

I was really sore and tired after the race so after shopping Daniel took me home and tucked me in and he went home to work on homework. Sunday we had plans to prep me for a (pretend) deposition he had at school. Busy weekend!

 

Not bad at all for my first time!!!!!!!! I'll have to come back to include my splits! But for my first time, without training, I am totally happy with my time. :)

The Hot Buttered Rum Run 12k (#14 of 14) Grief and Mourning

It was our very last race of 2014!!! November 30th, 2014 in Vancouver, Washington! The grand finale to all of my and Sarah's hard work all over the state of Oregon- we wrapped up our big adventures just over the border! I honestly didn't do much to train for this race other than walking the dog regularly, but I did finish the race!

 

The big stop in the middle was waiting outside the bathrooms for a lady I ended up bonding with. I promised to wait for her, and I did! It was very cold and by the end I was pretty much walking all of it (or it felt like it). I was just so cold and tired! And it was so windy!

 

 

This race was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. On the Thursday before, my friend Natalie who I had known since kindergarten, and who had lived around the corner from me all of my childhood- her mother died from brain cancer. I felt numb. I had messaged my parents on Wednesday night letting them known Sandy was going home on hospice if they wanted to go see her- the family was asking for visitors. But Natalie posted on Facebook Thursday morning that Sandy was already gone.

 

My best friend Kristin's dad Jerry had already died in August, and that had been so overwhelming I had just gone into "helper" mode. Another good friend whose mom died too young had helped me make goody bags to entertain all of the kids at the funeral so the grown ups could just focus on taking care of themselves, and I had just tried to pitch in and help wherever I could. Jerry always treated me like a spare kid- even added me and labeled me on Facebook as one of his children (a loving act I didn't feel I could acknowledge without upsetting my parents, but one that endeared me to him forever.) Sandy dying unleashed those feelings much more so. That was Thursday.

 

On Monday (before Thanksgiving) I had been at school talking with the program assistant in the office and said goodbye and walked out of the building to go home. My phone beeped with a text message from my friend Kristin, Jerry's daughter. It said, " Did you see Kelly Dorn died."

 

My brain talked to me like it was a separate entity from my body. I heard it say, "Do you want to go to your car and be in private when you react to this? Or do you want to go back into the office and be with people? You have about 20 seconds to get where you want to be, and then it will be too late."

 

I met Kelly Dorn in 7th grade. She was a really good friend. She was a fellow wedding photographer . She asked me to shoot her wedding actually (I was booked though; something I will always regret), and came to me for advice regularly. Kelly came to my birthday parties, was a confidante, and signed my year book every year. We sang in choir together, took craft classes and had dozens of mutual friends. Her best friend Barbara was another mutual friend. Kelly used to read this blog. Kelly knew all of my secrets.  

 

When Kelly delivered her daughter 4 years before her death she was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition (PPCM) Peri/Post Partum Cardiomyopathy. Her heart functioned like an old person's. With careful care and monitoring she could live awhile, but Kelly didn't have great coping mechanisms with the stressors in her life and probably shortened her life because of it. Her husband came home from a late shift at the hospital and she was gone. She had been home alone with their daughter at the time. It was the first night their daughter ever slept through the night without climbing in bed with mom and dad. Ever. Tender mercies.

 

The day I found out I stared at my phone for a second, and then turned around and ran back into the law school. I wanted to be with people. I didn't want to do this alone.

 

I burst back into the program assistant's office and said "My friend died. Close the door."

 

Another student was in the office- a student whose parents had passed away a few years ago and she reached over and closed the door. They both looked back at me wide eyed- horrified at my words.

 

Then I lost control.

I hyperventilated.

I sobbed.

I shook.

 They tried to put me in a chair or on the floor and tried to get me to slow down my breathing until I just started crying that everybody dies, and why does everybody have to die? 

 

I don't remember much about being there. I don't really remember anything else about the rest of the day. Sarah picked me up at home that night.

 

Saturday I ran Hot Buttered Run, and I ran it with this shirt I made.

The front said, "You are so dear to me." And the back said, "Jerry, Sandy, Kelly."

 

About halfway through the race a woman struck up a conversation with me about my shirt and I told her about all three of my friends who died, and we talked about them for the whole second half of the race. I cried off and on, but I finished.

 

And that's all that really was important about that day.

 

 

One Mile Treadmille Test Day #2

On Tuesday of this week I mentioned I was trying to improve my running speed by doing 1 mile running tests on the treadmill every few days. Previously, my race PR had been 11:51. I had never ever run remotely close to that while training, so it was very exciting to me, but I can't maintain that pace, or beat it. Until now!

So on Tuesday I did my first test and I brought my time down to 11:27. I was THRILLED. I had started to think my time wasn't improvable. I'm so excited I found something new and simple to try that requires little effort (catering to my lazy personality) and is giving me immediate results!

Today I had a pretty busy day. I am getting ready to head on a trip, my friend will be staying in my house so I had to clean, I've been dealing with some fairly serious legal issues that I had to work on, and I was experiencing an unprecdenteded amount of facebook drama with both family and friends- both of which were upsetting and distracting. Beyond that, I also had class and had to pick my friend Sarah up at the airport. She was supposed to come in on Tuesday, but her flight was diverted in the last 30 minutes of the three hour flight due to FOG! (Isn't that awful!?) She missed two extra days of work, on her own dime (damn United, they didn't even pay for the hotel!) until they could get her back here today/Thursday. She spent two days in a crappy Denver hotel room staring at the walls and eating take out.

Anyway, I rushed to try and get out to my complex gym before I had to take the dogs on a short walk around the block and then head to my swing class! I didn't really have time for my 5 minute warm up walk, so I just walked a couple of minutes while I fixed my ponytail and got my music ready. As soon as I had it, I cleared the machine, hit QUICKSTART! and bolted. I ran so much faster this time, it was amazing. I had so much more confidence that I could make it and I pushed myself much harder. I kept looking at the machine speed and thinking, WOW, am I really doing THAT?! The first time I was keeping around 5.3mph, but this time I just bumped it to 6.0mph (around a 10 minute mile/at a 1 incline) right away because 5.3 felt so easy. I did have to take my walk break much sooner- around the 6:20 mark (Tuesday I made it all the way to 8 minutes), but I took a shorter break and got my speed back up again. I took another walk break around the 9 minute mark.

I was a little worried with the two walk breaks that I had slowed my time too much, so I really pushed myself at the end, and was, again, STUNNED at my time:

An 11:18 mile?! That's so crazy for me! Also that I beat my time from Tuesday by 9 seconds?! Crazytown! I'm so excited!

I do have to say, I am well aware that running on a treadmill is much easier than road running, and also that the miles can be short. That said, I made a point to run on the same treadmill both times so far, so I'm hopefully the distance is at least consistent even if it's not quite a mile. I am also ensuring I'm staying at least a 1 incline. All of that said, this is doing so much for me. It's reassuring me that I have more potential in this body of mine. It's also giving me instant gratification in my training. Rather than working a YEAR at C25k and only getting through 4 weeks of it (and wanting to die every second of it), I feel totally gratified in just competing against myself. I also don't always have time to run, but taking out 15 minutes to do a mile test is pretty easy and I still had time to walk the dogs!

I'm so excited!

Running Goals

In 2014, I raced a grand total of 14 races and around 60 miles. My year end total mileage was around 700. (Map My Fitness stopped recording most of my work outs- not sure what the glitch is- it recorded my 12k/7 mile races as only 2 miles, for example...)

I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but there's more I want to do. I've had a lot of trouble improving my paces, for example. My worst race was around 53:00 minutes, which was my Runs for Cookies 5k last January. I was really proud though, because I had run the entire first mile. (In over 15 minutes). My best time was around 38:00 minutes, which was in early fall. I'm consistently hitting around the 40 minute mark (Between 39-42 minutes) but I haven't PR'd in a long time now, and I'd like to try something different to try and improve.

I've been working on the Couch to 5k program since last January. (Yes, an entire year) Because of my trouble with my knees, I've just taken my time and haven't pushed myself too hard. I have truly followed the program in that, if a week felt too hard, I repeated it... over and over. I'm up to week 4 now...

When I did C25K in 2008 or so, I pounded through it in 6-8 weeks and I felt amazing. I also messed up my knees and was banned by three separate doctors to never run again. And I didn't, until 2012.  (You know you're a "real" runner when you do it against doctor's advice...)

Part of what I think the problem is is that I've been 100% being doing road running. I don't like road running much. I really prefer the treadmill. I love going to the gym and people watching and watching tv, and being able to stare at my speed on the 'mill while I do it. It's a social thing for me. Also, when I had a gym membership, I always made myself do weights afterwards. Without a regular gym these last 18 months, I haven't done any weight training in all that time. I went with my friend to the Provo Rec Center at the beginning of December and did a little bit of weights there and was so happy! However, I find it phenomenally boring to do at home, and I have no clue where the dumbbells I have are, anyway. (I can only imagine how the lack of overall body strength affects me in running.)

So this was my idea: Run ONE mile, 5-7 days a week on a treadmill. (I wasn't sure if I should do it every day, and then I missed today, so would 5x a week be good?) My goal would be to run the ONE mile as fast as I could, and try to beat my previous time. My PR mile record before my New Year's Eve race was 11:51. So my goal was to beat that. I headed to my complex gym Tuesday morning to run my ONE mile.

I brought my ipod for music, and I walked for 5 minutes as a warm up. Then I cleared the machine and cranked the speed to a whopping 5.3mph. ;)

I was able to maintain that speed for I think 8 minutes, which is a really, REALLY long time for me. (In a race, my goal is to run the first 5 minutes and I don't always make it.) I took a quick break (walking, with the timer still going) and then cranked it up some more, and then got some adrenaline flowing and tried to finish strong.

My mile time was 11:27, even with a walking break!!! I was THRILLED!

So my goal for next next is 11:27 or better.

I did 5 minutes ( actually might have been 10 as I sort of spaced out walking, I was TIRED!) of cool down walking, and then I did the weight machines that I knew how to use.  I missed today, but my goal is to do the same thing at my apartment gym tomorrow.

Let's see how this goes!

Food Stuff and the 25 Pound Difference

I've been having a darn hard time with eating the last few days- and I mean that in two ways.

For one, I've had the flu the last 10 or so days, which means that I was having a hard time even hitting 1200 calories because I just wasn't hungry. I couldn't even smell my food and there was no fun in it. I might have been enticed if someone had delivered me Happy Meals (my beloved "sick" food item... Yes, I know that makes no sense, but it's a sort of comfort food item from childhood, so it all kind of works around!) but since there was no delivery person available (still single over here) and also I'm broke, that was not in the cards. Hitting 1200 at a minimum was carefully planned and I made up at least half the calories per day in cookies. Kid you not.

The other side of this is, while I am still definitely sick, I am no longer running a fever and got up and ran errands today. I felt good yesterday too. Where did that lead? To me wanting to binge all day long. Granted, I'm not doing horrendous... but I logged 1900 calories in food yesterday and I gave up logging today at 1600 because I couldn't even remember all of the things I had bit, nibbled and tasted all day long.

Tomorrow I want to make a plan to eat decisively all day. I will try to consciously get up and eat breakfast, rather than laying in bed whining to myself. I am hoping if I eat more earlier on, it will make a difference in the late night snacking. I'm also hoping it doesn't rain tomorrow. The humidity from the rain made it near impossible for me to run yesterday and I turned home after I started having an asthma attack. (Something which hasn't happened in years and I was totally unprepared for.) If it's not rainy and not quite so humid, my hope is I can make another attempt at a training run (1 year in and I'm on Week 4 of Couch to 5k...) or at least a long (4-5 mile) walk with the dogs.

The last few weeks have seen a decrease in my physical activity- mostly due to weather and being over-scheduled, but also some changes in my eating. I developed some weird problems this fall and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It seems like I've developed something similar to acid reflux, although I wouldn't quite label it as that. When I eat particular foods, I have gotten a very fast- and intense- stomach reaction which mostly leads to me throwing up. With the help of a friend, we figured out raw tomatoes were a huge trigger point after I vomited up my entire dinner from a great sit down restaurant we went to in Bend after our Cosmos 7K race in September. Probably about 15 minutes after I had finished eating and we had gotten into the car I had to pull over and run in a gas station to be sick, and was sick the whole way home afterwards. (Sarah drove). It was really awful. I've tried to avoid raw tomatoes since, but have also had trouble with high-fat foods, or things that seem like they would produce gas. If I eat even a little too much, my stomach bloats and I have excruciating pain unless I head it off with a gas pill- I'll throw it back up. It's made me a lot more contentious of portion size and pacing myself while I'm eating. I haven't been to the doctor and at this point, don't plan to. It seems that with behavior modification I don't have a problem and I'm not interested in allergy testing or going on any medication. My suspicion is this has something to do with the dietary changes I made when I started dieting this year and maybe I gave myself a sensitivity or something. My gut says (har-de-har-har) that it will go away with time, or I'll figure out how to manage it.

These things said, I've done really good on my weight this fall, and my one year total loss is just over 25 pounds! That puts me squarely half way to my goal weight. On the one hand, I'm thrilled and so excited I have gotten down this far. On the other... I know it's at about this weight I usually get stuck, and then end up gaining it all back, so I also feel a little paranoid. What makes this time any different than the other couple times I've been down this far? (2004 post-college and 2010 post-Matt are the only times since junior high my weight has been in this range.) Another thing... both previous times at this weight (181/182) I was around a size 10. I'm currently a size 14. I find that wildly disappointing. This weird 30 year old puberty I went through where everything seemed to shift around seems to have left my belly hanging out in the cold. That is a HUGE bummer. Especially since I have been exercising, it's not like I don't have muscle mass... Apparently my belly doesn't care what the rest of me is doing, I guess.

So, my plan is to keep running down these next 25 pounds. I'm hoping it doesn't take a whole additional year to get there, but if I make it at all, it will be amazing. Just to even lose 3 pounds before the new year would be amazing... I'd be in the 170's, I'd be the weight on my driver's license (made up when I put it there in high school... Truly, I picked a random number. I probably weighed 210 at the time.), and I'd also officially cross over from "obese" to "overweight" on the BMI scale, which is something I would be proud of, regardless of the reliability of that measurement. 170's and below are really unfamiliar territory for me, as when my weight was that low before, it only lasted a few days or weeks before I rebounded. (Again, I'm nervous) I'm also really excited though, too. I'm hopeful those smaller pant sizes are more forthcoming in the pounds to come!

Here I am so far, as of 6-7 pounds ago. The "before" is from my sister's wedding and the dress was not flattering and I returned it afterwards. My clothes in the second picture are much more form fitting since I had just finished my 12k!

**Edited to add this second set of pictures. I'm wearing the same top in the before/after, but different pants. It's sort of startling to me how LITTLE difference there is after so much work and time.. but I do see the difference. I just kind of have to squint and cock my head to the side a little... ;)

Cosmos 7k Race Report (#12 of 14)

Race #12 of our 14 in 2014 Race Series. Time: 1:00:12

This race was all drama, and the course was definitely short, but I loved it. I flew back very early in the morning from a wedding in California, and because my flight was delayed, I had to drive straight from the airport 2.5-3 hours (no memory of how long it was anymore!) to Bend, Oregon. I was supposed to be able to go home to Eugene first, and then Sarah was supposed to drive, but my flight was so delayed I might not have made it. We decided to drive separately, and Sarah's boyfriend Mitch ended up driving her the two hours to Bend, dropping her off and going back home.

This was a night race, and all women. It was very cool. It was also extremely hilly, which drove me crazy. There's no way to PR if there's going to be that many elevation changes because I struggle to keep going just on the flat! The elevation changes were around 260 feet. That's alot! All of my splits were over 14 minutes. And according to my Garmin, the course was only 4 miles, instead of 4.25.

That said, this race came with FOUR mixed drinks, a commemorative glass, and a purple tech t-shirt, which is my favorite of all our race shirts. The party afterwards was very fun!

This race also had the best swag EVER. This is everything I brought home in my goodie bag or got at the after party. I would for sure do this again!

Like I said, this trip was full of drama though. In addition to the plane problem, and the separate cars and Sarah and Mitch running late, I ended up getting sick on the way home. We had a nice sit down dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Three Sisters and just about as soon as it was over I started panicking that I was going to throw up or "have to use the bathroom." We rushed to a gas station and I ended up both vomiting and having a quakey tummy. I was really car sick the whole way home too. It was gross. It was about this time I started having a sensitivity to tomatoes and raw tomatoes started making me throw up, almost instantly. It seems to have calmed down a bit now, but the last few months I have throw up each time I forgot and ate them- within like 5 minutes. I suspect it's some kind of an acid problem and I'm also having a ton of gas and belly aches from eating uncooked vegetables. I don't really understand where it's coming from but it seems to be getting better.

Mount Angel Oktoberfest 5k Race Report (#11 of 14)

Race #11 of our 14 in 2014 Race Series. Time: 41:55

 So I'm quite a bit behind on blogging my races from this year, so I'm trying to catch up! It's hard to remember how this went when I blog so far after the fact so I need to not do that in the future!

In September, Sarah and I did the Oktoberfest 5k in Mount Angel. Mount Angel has a HUGE festival and over 300,000 people come into this germanic village that has a population of like 100 or something. It's sort of wild. I remember this being a good race, with a flat course and good weather. Afterwards we got our free beers that came with our race bibs! I just remember it was really warm, and being tired and the beer being really, really refreshing, which is not typically how I feel about beer! It was very cold though and it felt good! Then we ran around sampling food and checking out the festival. We  sampled lots of different things. It was a good adventure!

Sarah also forgot her IS (of course, because she always does!) and I had to sneak her into one of the food tents. She went through the line like a minor, while I got ID'd and hand stamped. I realized I could re-stamp her hand with my wet stamp so I can over to her and pressed the backs of our hands together and transferred my stamp to her hand so we could both get in and have lunch together. I was pretty proud of my sneakiness there!

We decided to bring home Charlie Brown the leftover sausage we got... so Sarah tied it up with her heart rate monitor! LOL

Fitness, Weight Loss & Dieting

I think I've been on a diet since I was 10.

 Taken in February.

In the 5th grade, I distinctly remember having a whispered, worried conversation with my friend Jessica Noble about our weights. Jessica was very tall, and probably a healthy weight for her height, but I was very short. We weighed the same- 100 pounds in the 5th grade. I was very ashamed and she had somewhat similar feelings, best I could gather. We confided in each other for comfort and I felt better.

Not long after this shared confession, I had a conversation with someone in my class and they asked me about my weight.  I, feeling empowered by my shared struggle with Jessica, told the girl flat out what I weighed. The girl was was horrified. (She probably weighed around 45 pounds and was actually probably underweight.) I tried to stick up for myself (aka, I was defensive) by telling her Jessica weighed the same and she looked good. Jess had been pretty matter of fact about her weight so I assumed she wouldn't mind. This little brat marched up to Jess and told her I had said she weighed 100 pounds, same as me. Jessica flat out denied it. Said she had never said that and she didn't weigh anywhere near that amount. She even denied it to me in private later on. I was humiliated. And felt alone! I often did feel alone and isolated in elementary school. Despite the fact I had good friends, I often felt abandoned or excluded, like in this scenario. 

By the time high school came around, I had started restricting my caloric intake to under 1,000 calories a day. But I also had started binging, and eating in secret, hiding food, so I didn't lose any weight. I would secretly do work out videos in my room- until my mom heard the repetitive foot steps upstairs and confronted me about it. She said it was fine I was exercising, she just wanted to know what I was doing. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I denied it, and never worked out at home again. Allowing other people to be aware I was bothered by my weight was very upsetting for me. I don't know why.

When my parents were at work I would secretly run around the neighborhood, or do Tae Bo videos at my dad's house with TV on mute so no one would know. (My dad had a single story house so no footsteps to hear!) But it didn't work. (Or minimally.) I just always felt hungry, and I was alone a lot. My most striking memories from high school are of walking home (a good couple miles over hills), stopping at CVS and buying either a pint of ice cream or a bag of chips. Every day. I'd eat that for lunch in front of the TV watching Days of Our Lives and Sunset Beach. I was a shy kid, I lived with a drug addict for a sibling, and my parents weren't home alot. I didn't want anyone to come to my house, so I did my socializing at school. Outside of school, I mostly hid out at home. It was embarrassing. Our house wasn't that nice, and I was embarrassed of my family. I loved them, but I didn't want to have to explain my sister's problems, or my dad's temper, or my mother's lack of boundaries to anyone.

In college I gained weight in the dorms (of course), and by the time Spring term rolled around, I had re-dedicated myself to losing weight. I started getting chicken breasts and black beans at the DC ("Dining Commons"/cafeteria) and started trying to run/walk again. This time I was more successful and lost somewhere between 20-40 pounds over 7 months or so.

But it didn't last. (It never did.) And the cycle continued. A few times I dropped significant amounts of weight- the most striking being when I really started running (5 miles a day, very, very slowly) and went from over 230 to the 160's. (Around 70 pounds.) But it came back. It took some time, but it did. The one interesting "consequence" to getting my weight down that far was boys finally started paying attention to me. That was new, and I finally started dating- way behind the curve.

Generally speaking, I average about the same weight that I did in high school- somewhere around 200. Sometimes above, sometimes below, but that's the neighborhood my body likes to hang out in. For me, that's about a 14/16 pant size and a Large (sometimes XL, but not usually) top. It's probably good that I've managed to avoid getting even bigger, but I am not happy at this size. My mother used to manage a Diet Center, and has a degree in Family & Consumer Sciences- I don't believe she taught me wrong, but I do believe I self-medicate with food. I know that I struggle with depression, and more recently I've realized that I am a fairly anxious person. I've had issues with anxiety since childhood. But no one ever really caught on that that was the problem. I didn't really learn coping mechanisms until I started therapy Post-Matt. I can recognize when I am having anxiety now, if it is fairly significant, but I've stopped myself with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's a couple of times and thought- "Are you  eating this just because you're trying to avoid working because it stresses you out?"

The answer to that question turned out to be "yes," too.

The fact of the matter is, eating sugar or carbs gives your brain a short term dopamine/seratonin boost. For someone who naturally lacks these hormones (like me), eating those kinds of things- refined carbohydrates- puts my brain back at a "normal" level where I can deal with life more easily.

First, that's sad.

It also makes struggles with your weight really difficult. You need to have effective coping mechanisms for anxiety in place in order to avoid using food as an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication.

I have wondered if I need to be on a light anti-anxiety medication again, just for general maintenance. But I'm not super enthused about doing that. I was on meds for quite a while with the Matt debacle, and also after I left law school the second time. It was rough going. Being on meds also requires a high degree of monitoring. I know what is entailed in that process- it's very effective, but it's also a lot of work.

My inclination is to try and increase my own mindfulness with my anxiety and how it relates to food. This year, I've dropped about 10 pounds  since January (going from a high of 207, to a low of 193, and then bouncing around the 195-197 neighborhood) and that is definitely the slowest I have ever lost weight. I have two thoughts about that- it's good, slower is more effective for long term sustainability- but it's also frustrating because I'm still about the size I always am. Except I'm over 30 and every thing looks different now!

I am consistently active now, and enjoy the activities I do. I'm a lot more social, and depend on friends much more so than I did in the past. I'm also just a lot more confident person. I think those things happen with time, age and experience, but they are also the result of therapy and working out some of that childhood baggage. I want to keep working on this, and I hope that I can report some change and progress in the future.