JUST CALL ME FATTY !

Having an uncontrolable gut feeling, I weighed myself last night.

Two hundred and twenty stinkin' pounds. That's a new record. 10lbs gained in 5 days. No wonder I was suspicious. It was like a freaking pink elephant stuffed down my pants!

So I just got off the phone with the gym. Actually, I just hung up on them for the 3rd time. This time I gave up. Frankly I can't afford to join and as I am having these strong feelings towards terminiating my employment with my current employer so I can stay home, I am thinking this is probably a poor finanical choice.

However, I weight 220 pounds. ( 215 this morning.)This is not healthy, damaging my self esteem and makes me want to turn the lights out when I snuggle my boyfriend. Not to mention the overwhelming insecurity that has begun to creep up on me as I hear no reassurance from him that all this additional "Emily to love" is not bothering him. I now outweigh him by 15 pounds. I will squash him. I should just throw in the towel. Except that, that would hurt, and I really would like some more junk food to calm myself down before totally giving up.

So Class is in one hour, and if I can stop screwing around on Blogger.com instead of writing my briefs, then I will give the gym another call and give everything another shot.

I need to figure out a solution for my money issues. I wish my dad could help me but i just cna't ask. I don't want to work next semester, it's a bad idea. But how will I afford to live? And if I quit now, I have no way to pay off my credit cards. Baaad idea.

I need help.

AND THEY RAN AND RAN AND RAN.

To where? Portland. Pour qoi? To escape our mundane, ho-hum, permanently acadamicaly intertwined lives or boredom and torture.

AKA: ...Our two year anniversary.

We had fun. It was really nice to be able to get away. I, personally also had the advantage of spending a work and school free day in Sacramento, catching up with an itty bitty handful of friends. But friends, nonetheless. For someone who has always abhorred company and adored solitude, I shock myself with my need for social activity of late. But to reason the notion, I am completely isolated, am scolded or humiliated by those I DO interact with and otherwise lead a totally miserable life, beginning August 20-something and hopefully ending December 14th.. along with my school semester. Perhaps if I TRIED in school (rather than typing up this diddy of blog...) I would be less depressing when describing the wonderful world of law school. Since this voluntary torture involving little effort, a lot of depression and many failing grades, I have craved my old life. My old life meaning: Sacramento, an odds and ends collection of friends, familiar shops, routines, a lovely work environment and much higher gross pay, though not hourly. If only.

But I digress.

Back to Portland. The land of strip clubs and trolls ( aka homeless people) and shows advertising "FEMALE IMPERSONATORS!!!", and doughnut shops happily advertising, " The magic's in the HOLE!". They too were situation next to a strip club. Despite the obvious land and population of Demmi's David & I had fun. It was romantic and intimate. We had a great ( bank-breaking) dinner complete with Titanticesque ( aka Edwardian Era) decor and fancy outfits for us both. Twinkle lights adorned every street off Pioneer Square and Christmas trees were in the process of assembly. It was lovely. Although we ran out of things to do once deprived of our hotel suite ( hee, hee) and the rain chased us up and down every street in search of lunch, I still would have liked more time together, more vacation time in general, and a longer sense of escape from my current dismal reality.
I am saying PHEW! to myself because my browser closed before I posted this! But it "recovered" most of my post by digging through my internet history and pushing a little button on the Blogger site. Again I say, PHEW!

Now, as Davy is quite opposed to photography, and even more opposed to any reference to himself on the internet, I decided that in order to preserve our lovely romantic trip I would have t simply grab the hand of the fellow walking alongside me, set up some portraits with a timer, much to the fellow's chagrin, and then to protect his identity as I did not obtain a photo-release, I have hearted out his face. :) Hee Hee.

I am still incredibly irritraited. My blogs are still showing at the dumb web address, and the cool address still has my stuff on it, links to my picture and profile, yet has no blog. ARGH.

I am also irritraited with the guy behind me, you is chomping gum like a psychotic cow with fresh cud, and my boyfriend, who is a bit neurotic about getting a full 8 hours and won't let me sleep in on his couch ( let alone his big boy bed) on a week night when he has to go to work in the morning! Ee-GADS! What is wrong with the poor fellow? Who wouldn't want their girlfriend in bed with them? And if there are others like him out there, in Neorosis land, surely those people wouldn't have issue with loving girlfriend bunking down on the couch. Seriously now. Come on.

Him.

So apparently I, the loving girlfriend, will be bunking down at El Coucho Casa de Carmen. Whatever. But it irritaites me to no end that he:
1) Will not discuss it.
2) Threatens to take away some other perceived "privlige" eg: going to San Francisco for the day, just the two of us.
3) Get pissed.

If a relationship is give and take and compromises should be made most of the time, with other times where one perosn " wins" totally and other times the other, but bascially so it come sout even in the end, then why does he think he has an exemption?

You cannot function without a full eight hours. I cannot stand driving 40 extra miles round trip to return home and leave again the next morning, to sit in traffic all day and loose a whole day of my weekend. Therefore, it must be had that You sleep eight hours while I leave for Sacramento Thursday night, instead of Friday afternoon.

The solution?
a) You leave the door unlocked, I sleep on the couch.
b) You give me a key, you keep the door locked, I let myself in and sleep on the couch.
c) I sleep on your porch until you get up and let me in.
d) I sleep in my car until you get up and let me in.
e) I bang on your front door and screen until you get up and let me in.
f) I bang on Carmen's door until she lets me in.
g) I get a room.
h) I wake you up and tell you to fuck yourself. Then I snuggle you all night long to piss you off and drive you nuts.

This is it. You have a requiremnt, I have a requirement, now let's meet halfway. All you want is to get 8 hours, all I want is somewhere to lay my head from 4am-8am.

What's so difficult and aggravating about that? And why wouldn't you believe me? Have I EVER not kept my word? No. Never. You have to learn to trust sometimes