First Date at Chicago Fire: That time my Tinder Date CRIED

I met the guy on Tinder. He had a nice bio, a nice smile, and cleverly quipped with me over text. The intellectual chemistry was fairly smooth and (with heavy peer pressure from my friends) agreed to a date with him fairly quickly. He seemed entertaining enough, and he certainly got my jokes.

We were to meet at Chicago Fire, a restaurant and bar in Midtown that I had always wanted to try, but had never gone to, so I was pleased over the location. Although when I got there I realized it was within a block or two of Rick's Dessert Diner... a special place for Daniel and I, and also within walking distance of Daniel's apartment. It threw me off, and the non-nonchalant vibe I had been trying to fake to myself crumbled as I sat and cried in my car for a bit. I hate dating in general, and I hate the pressure that comes with meeting new people- jumping through hoops, unconsciously trying to impress each other- even if you don't really like them there's always some level of posturing, and of course the nerves. I also always felt like I was cheating on Daniel. This should have probably indicated I hadn't taken enough time for myself before attempting the dating scene, but I was getting so much flack and pressure from my friends about how I needed to "move on" that I felt that I had to start going out, even though I was pretty much crying every day, not eating, and felt horrendously depressed. It might have been a wise recommendation that I attend group therapy, but this was the best idea my friends came up with. "Use them for free drinks and get even for all the men that have screwed you over," they said. But I won't let them pay for my drinks unless I'm interested. So that doesn't usually work in my favor.

This guy was intelligent, kind, educated, had a good job with the legislature... it had potential- why not? I didn't really ask many questions about the future or what he was interested in or looking for and tried to just go with it, which for me is pretty off the wall and out of character.

I walked the two dark blocks to Chicago Fire and pushed the heavy door open into the restaurant. At first I didn't see anyone appearing to be waiting for me, or anyone obviously sitting alone at the bar, like a date would be. I knew he was  already there, so I was a little confused. Then, from a dirty table covered in plates and half eaten pizza, an extremely vertically challenged man waved me over.

My date had apparently commandeered a used table.

I awkwardly perched on a stool in front of some other person's half eaten pizza crust and smiled at my date... and tried not to stare. A large wound of some kind seemed to be protruding from the middle of his forehead.

...What the hell was that?

I smile. We shake hands. "So you must be very full from all of these pizzas! Exactly how many other dates did you have before me?!" I start needling him right away. Trying not to stare. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

He makes some jokes about the line of Tinderellas that preceded me in the restaurant.

I keep glancing back and forth between his face... and that thing on his forehead.

Is it is a zit? A massive, gigantic zit?

I lean on my hands and try to look away... and not put my elbow in the marinara sauce on the table.

This is already so awkward. 

The banter is quick and witty and entertaining, but already I have thought a thousand times, What the hell is he thinking? 

Finally a waitress comes and clears the table.

It's so dark in the restaurant I just can't get a look at the massive tumor on his head. It's a zit right? A giant big bite? Why doesn't he acknowledge it? Just own it! Doesn't he know I'm avoiding looking at him simply so I won't stare?

Suddenly the conversation turns. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but our witty banter suddenly shifted to a serious discussion about his family. I pause. I had already been struggling to keep up while I invented various stories about the massive tumor in the middle of his face. He leans his face into mine and... launched into specific detail about each member of his family's psychiatric history...

I clear my throat. I nod empathatically. I too, am wildly guilty of the over-sharing. Everyone knows this. Perhaps he hasn't realized he's starting to tread too far. I make a joke and try to help him back pedal. He shakes his head and plunges farther into stories of electric shock treatments and suicide attempts and people being committed to various asylums. Mmmkay.

"You just can't save everybody." No, looney date, sometimes you can't.

Now he was discussing his maternal side of the family. Surely he couldn't have too many more relatives?

"That must be very difficult for you,"I hear myself saying. I sip my beer. He shows no sign up stopping so I better pace myself.

Suddenly I hear a bizarre choking noise. I glance at my date. I had been trying so hard to not look at him directly so as to avoid wondering about that THING on his head.

He was crying. CRYING. The man was openly weeping at the table. He had begun talking about a cousin and had just lost it.  I glance at my iPhone. I had been on this date for 36 minutes. My date was sobbing at the table. WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROPER PROTOCOL FOR THAT?

He continues sniffling and sobbing, babbling on about his mentally ill cousin. I have no idea what to do. DO I PAT HIM? HUG HIM? What if the tumor is contagious? A tear splashes to the dirty table. I have no idea where to turn my gaze. The sauce covered high top. The zitty tumor, which now curiously looks like it might have some dried blood in it. My date's tear-stained face. I admire my hands. I've always thought I had such pretty hands.

"We all have our challenges,"I hear myself saying.

My date sucks some snot back into his nasalcavity.

I try not to gag.

The waitress wizzes over with the check. "Split it?" My date says, suddenly recovered. Praise Jesus.
"Suuuuure." I respond, hesitatingly.  But shouldn't I get the beer for free as compensation?

"So, would you like to come back to my place? Or maybe grab another drink at the bar next door?"
"What?" How is this hell not over yet?
"It's only 9:40! I can make you a drink at my apartment around the corner, or do you want to go next door?"
"Uh, we just met, I don't usually hang out at my friends houses until I've known them for at least a few months."

I am so thrown by the invitation back to his apartment. Is he seriously asking me back to his house? Like.. for a hook up? Am I being punked? I scan the restaurant with sudden suspicion.
 
"Well I live right across the hall from my sister, so girls usually like that! Plus we have this open door policy, so-"
"Wait, what?"
"An open door policy! You know, she can come in whenever. "

"You mean, she like... walks in on you? With dates?"
"Well, I mean, yeah, that's happened."
"Isn't that... awkward...?"
Long pause "Well, I mean... It can be. But my dates still usually really like it."

"Uh...." I stare blankly for a minute...Okay, so I am just going to go with this... "So, since you guys basically live together, do you ever just like... open your apartment doors and make like a big apartment together?"

"What do you mean?"
"You know, like just open your doors, and like, seal the doors open with tape. Close yourselves off from the world!" ....Like Flowers in the Attic.
"I don't get it."
"Hmmm." Maybe he isn't that witty.
"Bar next door?"
I glance at my phone. It is 9:43pm. I have been on this date since 9:04. If I left right then, it would totally feel like I was ditching the poor crying tumor guy. I mean, the snot hadn't even totally dried off of his face yet. He's clearly never going on another date in his life so, can I write this off on my taxes as a charity donation?  "Uhh, I guess." A mercy-drink if there ever was one. I picked up my purse and rolled my eyes as I followed him out the door.

Now the advantage to going to the horrible dive bar next door was a giant SPOTLIGHT highlighted this thing on his head the second we slid into a booth in the back. I could finally see what in the hell this thing was. STITCHES. He had flipping STITCHES going across the middle of his face. At least a dozen of them. WHAT THE HELL?

We got a couple more beers; I took a couple of sips and I went to the restroom. Sitting on the toilet, I collapse my head into my hands. Shit. There's no way I can drink any more of that beer I just ordered. I had left it unattended with the crier and if I was ever going to get roofied on a date this was for sure the one. Shit. I'll just pretend I'm drunk instead of actually getting drunk. As soon as I came back I slid into my seat and got ready to go hog wild.

"SO."
"So?"
"What exactly happened there?" I point to the stitches.
"I was wondering when you were going to bring that up."
"Why not just volunteer the information yourself? Isn't it more awkward not to?"
He shrugs. "I had a cyst drained. It was the size of a golf ball. It really wasn't that big of a deal, but they had to wrap my entire head in gauze the day I had it done. Wanna see?"
"UH, YEAH."

He busts out the photos. It looks like he had brain surgery. Nothing is visible except his mouth and his bug eyes.
"My friend took me out bar hopping afterwards. Just for the reaction. Best night of my life."

...Yeah I bet.

"Well, my cat needs his insulin shot." I am so loving my cat at this moment.
"Your what needs his what?"
"Oh did I not mention? Yeah I have like 3 pets. All are super high maintenance. The cat has to have that insulin shot right on time or he might die. So I have to get going."
"Oh. I was having such a good time though. I thought you might want to go to my apartment after this."
"Uh.... Well, the cat though."
"Oh. Well. Can I walk you to your car?"
"Oh, I am good, I am right there, thanks so much!"

Then I ran out of the bar, darted around like 5 other cars to make sure he didn't follow me, circled the block like 6 times to again make sure he wasn't tailing me, and then sped home and locked all of the doors. And windows.

So what's your best worst date story? Because this was pretty good for me. 

Crashed Hardrive Recovery Horror

Late last summer, right before I found out about Matt, I had a hard drive crash on me. It was a 500GB hard drive and it was FULL, completely FULL of client and personal photos.

Luckily, there were only a few images that hadn't been backed up, most were just edits that were totally replaceable and I could do over myself.  (From two specific portrait sessions shot a couple days before the drive crashed. The negatives were all backed up, but not the edits I had done.)

I took the drive to a few places to try and have it repaired, not initially realizing the depth of the issue initially. I called the manufacturer first for help, then called a private tech to look at it, then went to a few computer shops. Each place gave me worst news than the last.

The bottom line was the mechanics of the drive itself had worn out and it couldn't boot up anymore. In order to recover the data from the drive, it had to be disassembled in a "clean room" in a lab. The private tech told me to watch it with who I took it to because he had seen people get quotes as high as $10,000 for that kind of work. He sent me to a couple of underground people he thought might be able to help, but unfortunately, they didn't have the capability to do it safely. (At least they were totally honest and upfront about it.)

After I finished doing all of that running around I exasperatedly threw it on the couch and washed my hands of it. (Plus my finances were in REALLY bad shape. I didn't even have income to pay my rent, let alone some huge repair bill. I was living off my life savings.)

Right around that time, I found out everything about Matt. Then you know, I'm like checking myself into like, psychiatric day care facilities for myself. Awesomeness.

Somewhere in here during the drive crash,  one of my clients/familiy member of a friend notices some pictures are missing from her wedding set. Oh, weird, right? So I go back through them, and guess what? Like, 100 of her pictures which were on that darn disc didnt load on to her website. And they weren't back up before the site crashed. Whereas everything else on the drive had been loaded online so it was backed up. Even if I hadn't burned DVD back ups of everything, I at least had everything stored online on the client's websites. Or so I thought. Well, now there were pictures missing. And they were on this flipping drive.

I went through my computer, recycle bins, memory cards, the website, other client's websites, everything I could think of looking for those darn pictures. And ACTUALLY I did find some of them. But they weren't the pictures the bride was referencing. I found pictures from the wedding in the recycle bin and on a memory card (even though it had been months some how they were still hanging around randomly) but not THOSE particular portraits, which fantastically enough happened to be the posed family and friends portraits. Ugh.

By this time I'm shooting weddings every weekend, in therapy at least 3 times a week and on enough medication to tranq a horse.  I so could not handle all of this. The drive got put on the back burner while I tried to figure out what to do.

Periodically I've called placed and looked up places but alot of places want to ship the drive off to labs in the midwest and it really freaks me out that something woudl happen to it. Not to mention all of the horror stories I've heard. From all the people that have already looked at it, I've already been assured over and over again the data is perfectly fine and safe and can sit there forever like that, it's just the machine that poo-pooed.

As we got closer to the holidays, I got another email from another bride who got married in 2009 and who we did a little trash the dress session the day after her wedding in Carmel. She was going through her master discs and websites and... guess what? The pictures were missing. We both started on this frantic search through everything before finally figuring out those freaking pictures are on THAT drive too! Are you KIDDING me? What's with all this stuff springing up after the fact?

Uggggggh.

So, things have calmed down some, and I am not as out of my mind as I was a few months ago (although I think we all know things aren't great!) so with some encouragement from my friend I got back on the horse and tried to work on this fiasco again.

I revisited the places I had researched the last few months, picked a couple, talked to them all, narrowed it down filled out some paperwork and finally got the darn drive down to their offices for diagnostics exams. They claimed it would take like 2 days.

Here we are a week later I finally get an email back. (Hello? What kind of customer service is that? I think I picked the wrong place!)  Well, diagnostics are done, they're going to recover it, but they won't start it until they have my go ahead.  Because, you know, I have to approve the cost and all.  They gave me a quote.

Are you ready for this?

Are you SURE?

Positive?

...

No backing out now, right?

Are you with me?!





$2,036.00


ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!

I think I'm having palpitations. I emailed him back to clarify exactly what they would be recovering for that amount. (It better be the whole freaking drive and not just the 100 missing pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!) I'm going to die. Earlier today I ran by the boarding facility for the dog, and I kind of made peace with everything for the cost anyway and that it was going to be okay and it would work out fine. Then I got a load of this number. But you know at this point, I kind of want to just chuck my credit card across the counter and be like WHATEVER! FINE! Charge me $2,036 to recover these missing 100 pictures. It was my fault for not double checking these two websites. WHATEVER! You gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta get the pictures back somehow, and how else am I going to do it? These people got the power. They have my drive, they're going to get it back so I have to do it.

But holy FREAKING COW.. how on earth am I ever going to pay that off?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's just so much freaking money, I just... just... I mean... Uhhhhhh?? There's nothing you can do about it.  You just throw the charge card at them and pretend it never hapened. I mean, what else can you do, right? It's so much, it's like, you can't... you can't even connect the dots intellectually to what that even MEANS. It might as well be a million dollars.  I just bought a brand new laptop with a 500GB hardrive, 4 years of McAfee, 3 years of warranty and home repairs service from Dell, yadda yadda yadda. $500. Are you KIDDING me?

I'm gonna go throw up now.

I need your help.

You remember this whole fiasco with the deranged bride who left the bad review (which references me having an AFFAIR with a MARRIED MAN??!!!!) which her ENTIRE family disagreed with, including her husband? (Yeah, even her husband apparently disagreed with her and was upset with her for doing it and was totally happy and loved the pictures...) The mother in law, who is the person who wanted a photographer and selected and hired me and was the only person allowed to leave a review on the website per their own guidelines, left a positive rebuttle review and I thought I would be able to have the bride's review removed since it broke pretty much every rule they had. For some reason, they won't remove it and the only emails I am getting from the company are form letters that say, Unfortunately, this review does not fit our criteria for removal and will remain on the site. Warm regards! And has a generic signature on it with no specific person to contact and no names. I have contacted them over and over and over agian and am getting no where.

Each member takes a vow when they sign up for an account that they will leave honest reviews of vendors, and just by reading the review we know she lied because the dates don't match up- the most simple example of this is that she said it took 2.5 months to get her pictures back when she had only been married for 7 weeks when she left the review.

The first rule of the site is that you have to have a "business contract" with the vendor in order to leave a review. I never had a contract with her and had never communicated with her in any way prior to her leaving the review. She was not and has never been my client. My client is totally happy and has asked her repeatedly to remove the review and in fact, she told both of us she was going to, but didn't. I did an additional 100 edited images for them- something I didn't have to do, and the mother in law said was totally not necessary because she loved the pictures as-is but I did it anyway to be nice. The bride still never acknowledged it or removed the review or AT LEAST remove the part about Matt. Which she said she would do. It has been 30 days, and nothing.

Project Wedding is the site where she actually left the review (but PW is owned by Wedding Wire, which also owned Wedding Bee, City Weddings, and about 8 other sites, so her review is now displaying on ALL of those sites too) and that site has the following rules too:

We remove posts, biographies, comments, private messages, reviews, and any other content that contains language that is inappropriate or offensive

We don't allow posts, biographies, comments, private messages, reviews, wiki articles, and any other content that personally attack another user.

We remove posts...reviews...and other forms of communication between members that contain language that is inappropriate or offensive, his includes content that contains language or imagery that is:
Hateful, bigoted, or offensive
Defamatory, abusive, or threatening
We don't allow posts, biographies, toasts, reviews, wiki articles, and other forms of communication between members that personally attack other users.

In addition comments that may cause distress, embarrassment, or humiliation will not be tolerated.

All of these excerpts were taken from the Community Guidelines page of PW: http://www.projectwedding.com/info/community_guidelines

In the review, the woman says among many, MANY other hurtful UNTRUE disparaging things, that I was going through a "stupid breakup with a married man." This is the part of the review that sends me into hysterics. Everytime I look at it, or get a communication from the companies, which is frequently, I get REALLY upset. This company is a huge part of my business and it is HUMILIATING knowing that people can read that review and are judging me not knowing what the story it. But I don't WANT them to know what the story is, because it is none of their business and I can't handle the general public knowing what happened to me this summer. I just can't handle it. I can't. I need the review, or at least THAT SENTENCE removed. I am totally wound up and upset right now thinking about people reading it... I need it to go away and I am not making progress on my own and I need help. Can you please help me?

Obviously, the review breaks the rules on these websites. I don't know if they aren't reading my complaints or what, but it OBVIOUSLY breaks their guidelines and should have been removed right away. If you can, I would really appreciate it if you could do whatever you can to get the post removed. Flag her profile as inappropriate, email the company, flag the review, something, ANYTHING you can do, or are comfortable doing I would appreciate. I am at my breaking point with this and am contemplating removing my company profile from all of their websites- which would be a huge blow to my business, which I can't afford, and I don't even know if it's possible to do- all to get this one line removed from this review. What has nothing to do with my business and the entire review is false anyway! I am so upset. ...

Here is a link to the profile of the lady, which shows my review- it's the only review she wrote. You can make an account in about 10 seconds and flag her profile as in appropriate. That is the course of action which requires the least amount of effort.

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding/UserViewProfile?wid=083daa45f81d7567

I don't know what she did this, but talking to the mother in law and my mom, it seems that she's taking out her unhappiness in being married on me. I don't know why someone would do that, but being really young, and pregnant and newly married to someone she probably doesn't know really well and whom she had called the wedding off the week before the wedding before going through with it... the woman has issues but that doesn't make what she did okay. I think that I am confidant enough to say I had enough issues going on already before this happened. This was a slap in the face on top of it.

This is where she left the review originally, but since she did it under a guest account, they remove all of the buttons that allow you to flag it as inappropriate for some reason?????????? But maybe there is another way to pursue it here.

http://www.projectwedding.com/vendor/show/heizer-photography

I hope some of you will helpl me with this. I need help getting rid of this. I need it to go away. I NEED it to. What she said is so incredibly hateful and will be there FOREVER unless I can get some help in having it removed. I don't want this in my face everytime I try to work on my business...