ONE YEAR

One year ago yesterday, this first picture of me was taken. I know it's not a good picture of my body, but you can see my face at least. I weighed 233 pounds. (I'm in the middle in the blue shirt, my niece Rachel is standing in front of me)

This picture was taken yesterday. I weighed in at 192 pounds this morning, which is 41 pounds in total lost.

One year ago TODAY David and I broke up. I have gone through today "ok" I guess. No tears, no break downs, just a headache, a bath and a couple of naps. I have been REALLY tired with this weird schedule I started staying up until all hours of the night studying and getting up early- I can't seem to break the habit. I was so tired this morning I felt like I had the flu- my body ached, my head hurt, I was shakey- yuck. So I don't think all of that was about David but I suppose it could. I started to get upset when I realized that today, like I did one year ago I went to the Ikea shopping center- David and I went there, and then to dinner, and then for a walk, and then he took me home and then we "talked" for several hours. So when I realized I had inadvertently headed to the same spot, just to run an errand I started to get upset but I stuffed it.

I am unhappy ( in that respect) and I miss him but I guess I am getting better. Sigh. I'd give anything for a hug.

STILL WAITING IMPATIENTLY

My grades won't come out until the middle of March. So I am still waiting. I will be waiting for a long time!

I worked really hard on my contracts papers this week for my legal writing class, but I guess I still don't totally understand the material, but then again for the life of me I could not pay attention in contracts class tonight. Bleh. I'm trying.

I am watching a special on the LDS church. I like it. It is fun for me. Yes, I have a little obsession. No, I can't help myself. It is a good show. I still haven't made it to the Institute of Religion to post flyers for wedding photography. I really want to do an LDS wedding before I "retire" from wedding photography, but I just don't know that I have the time to add any more clients to my plate with school and everything. There has to be a limit. But hopefully I will still get to to do ONE, maybe if I am lucky. The Sacramento Temple is small but it is so pretty and I bet they will have great flowers in the spring.

A boy I like at school likes my friend. It is annoying me. I told a lie and said I was ok with it. Then I told her the truth and it is sort of making things tense between us. I had to watch her and him text message each other under their desks during class tonight and it was very annoying to me. I miss David alot. I just wish there was somebody who liked me like that. You know? I am lonely, but I am not really ready to move on. And I was talking to two of my school friend's tonight about the whole thing and they were pretty much yelling at me about how I obviously was ready to move on since I have this little crush, but I think obviously I am not ready since I am choosing to fixate on someone who is not interested and who is not a good match for me anyway. I miss David. Alot. Did I say that already? lol I miss him so much. I haven't talked to him in a long time. But how do you stop loving someone? I don't think I will, it's just a matter of finding more people to love I guess.

I have a new outside cat. He's my little buddy. I was calling him Penelope because he's so girly looking but then after a few months I found out he is actually a little boy! LOL So then I was calling him Peter. But he loves me, and I am starting to love him, and if I adopt him, his name will have to be Berlioz (bear-lee-oh-s) so I have all of the cats from the Disney Artisocat's movie. Marie (My Mary), Toulouse (Toulouse, aka Tootie) and Duchess (I call Amelia Duchess Amelia). If I adopt Peter and call him Berlioz then I will have a complete set of kitties!!!

Here is a picture of Peter the fluffy girly boy cat.

AND THEY RAN AND RAN AND RAN.

To where? Portland. Pour qoi? To escape our mundane, ho-hum, permanently acadamicaly intertwined lives or boredom and torture.

AKA: ...Our two year anniversary.

We had fun. It was really nice to be able to get away. I, personally also had the advantage of spending a work and school free day in Sacramento, catching up with an itty bitty handful of friends. But friends, nonetheless. For someone who has always abhorred company and adored solitude, I shock myself with my need for social activity of late. But to reason the notion, I am completely isolated, am scolded or humiliated by those I DO interact with and otherwise lead a totally miserable life, beginning August 20-something and hopefully ending December 14th.. along with my school semester. Perhaps if I TRIED in school (rather than typing up this diddy of blog...) I would be less depressing when describing the wonderful world of law school. Since this voluntary torture involving little effort, a lot of depression and many failing grades, I have craved my old life. My old life meaning: Sacramento, an odds and ends collection of friends, familiar shops, routines, a lovely work environment and much higher gross pay, though not hourly. If only.

But I digress.

Back to Portland. The land of strip clubs and trolls ( aka homeless people) and shows advertising "FEMALE IMPERSONATORS!!!", and doughnut shops happily advertising, " The magic's in the HOLE!". They too were situation next to a strip club. Despite the obvious land and population of Demmi's David & I had fun. It was romantic and intimate. We had a great ( bank-breaking) dinner complete with Titanticesque ( aka Edwardian Era) decor and fancy outfits for us both. Twinkle lights adorned every street off Pioneer Square and Christmas trees were in the process of assembly. It was lovely. Although we ran out of things to do once deprived of our hotel suite ( hee, hee) and the rain chased us up and down every street in search of lunch, I still would have liked more time together, more vacation time in general, and a longer sense of escape from my current dismal reality.
I am saying PHEW! to myself because my browser closed before I posted this! But it "recovered" most of my post by digging through my internet history and pushing a little button on the Blogger site. Again I say, PHEW!

Now, as Davy is quite opposed to photography, and even more opposed to any reference to himself on the internet, I decided that in order to preserve our lovely romantic trip I would have t simply grab the hand of the fellow walking alongside me, set up some portraits with a timer, much to the fellow's chagrin, and then to protect his identity as I did not obtain a photo-release, I have hearted out his face. :) Hee Hee.