Boyfriends, Engagements, Weddings and not being single.

 I've kept this blog since 2006 and honestly I wish I had tended to it more the last few years. I truly enjoy reading blogs (yes, I still read them- mostly http://www.runsforcookies.com) and I also appreciate the time capsule they provide. 

I always intend to update on everything and then I never do! I will wrap up my Chicago Marathon Race Recap (a year late) soon, and post that. In the meantime, I am no longer single and that deserves a post all on it's own. 

The trauma of Matt has been long lasting. I still have difficulty meeting new people, feeling safe around men, and for some odd reason, still experience significant fear around answering the front door. It's just hard. I haven't unpacked all of the "whys" especially after ten years. August 2020 was the 10 year anniversary of the day I found out- and today is the 10 year anniversary of the day I found my sweet beagle Charlie! I'm glad to replace a terrible memory with a happy one. 

Scooting back a little further in time here, a year ago August (August 2019), I went on a date with a guy at a local bar. We met for a beer. I had been training for the Chicago Marathon and had run the OakTown Half Marathon that morning. I got my credit card stuck in a gas pump not once but twice that day and went to the date without even showering. I was a hot mess. But I still remember walking up the street and making eye contact with Ben sitting at one of the outdoor high top tables. His face was memorable. 

I had been taking dates to this new little corner bar all summer and the bartender/owner now knows us so well. Because of my crazy day, I had a lot to talk about and my first date with Ben was something along the lines of 4 hours. (Not my record, but pretty good.) He popped into the restroom at some point and the owner Steve came over and commented "this one seems like it's going better than the last one." The last date I had brought there had been this weird skinny climber who kept trying to hold my hands with his cold clammy ones having wholly unearned the privilege. 

Ben and I went out three times the first week- Tomato Alley, Urban Roots Brewery + Tomato Alley again, and I think a baseball or soccer game. Somehow Ben crammed in dates with two other women that week, but had deleted all of his apps by week 2, and was introducing me to his mother and sister after 10 days. 

Frankly, I wasn't prepared to commit that quickly and meeting his family totally freaked me out. I had never met anyone's family before! The visit went just fine though (they had flown in from Arizona randomly) and his sister said at the end of the trip she could see me being her sister in law. Again, this was after 10 days of non-exclusive dating. We were literally out with his sister showing her Sacramento one night and while she was in the restroom Ben was hassling me to be his girlfriend. I refused under those circumstances but later gave it up and committed, I think right after they left. 

Three weeks into dating I got offered a job in Oregon. By that time, I already knew Ben was probably it and declined the offer. I didn't want to leave when we were so new. 

We had dated a month and went to Yosemite for the weekend so I could do a 20 mile training run for the marathon. We had a great time. We never ran out of things to talk about. He was a dreamer, and emotional and supportive. He listened when I talked and was interested in everything about me. He was wonderful. He had traveled some hard roads, collected too many degrees, and had just moved to Sacramento from the Pacific North West. A Chicago boy, he had kind of lived everywhere. I traveled on my own a bit in the fall (Canada, China), until he realized it was part of the deal and he agreed to go backpacking across Poland with me in December. We did Auschwitz, Krakow, Warsaw, and a couple quick stop overs in Oslo and London. New Year's we spent together in London on Primrose Hill, watching the fireworks. 

2020 we went to visit his family for "Chrismukkah" (his family is Jewish, but his mother was raised Cathlolic so there is quite a bit of blending!) and I got to see some of his old haunts in Arizona, where he had done his first undergrad degree. 

We started talking about buying houses around this time and by February, we were ready to go through some open houses. We both fell in love with the first house we walked into, and ended up buying it. We went through half a dozen houses but the first one was the dream house in our budget. Technically I bought the house on my own, but I wouldn't have felt brave enough to do it without his support. I wanted to make the decision together. Home buying was dramatic and our realtor was terrible. Our house needs a new roof and there's probably $15k in repairs that need to be done, but it's a beautiful little piece of earth and I'm grateful for our own space and to not worry about landlords. I'm also so grateful we moved when we did- we moved in March 13th, the day before the Shelter in place order started. I'm so glad, despite all of the terrible things that happened this year that I got to quarantine with Ben. 

Spring and Summer mostly involved working from home and I was really laying the pressure on Ben about getting married. I felt despondent over it. I turned 37 this year, and I had given myself a one year deadline to find a partner and have a baby before it was too late. July was that deadline for me and Ben didn't seem ready at all. I deleted my pinterest boards, cried for weeks and got depressed. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was mourning the possibility of being a parent, but I didn't want to lose Ben either. 

Our dating anniversary was in August, and... he proposed. I had no idea. Before I had deleted all of those pinterest boards he had found the perfect ring for me, found a photographer and really just did everything I could have thought of to make it special. 

Four days of being engaged we had our date, our photographer and a couple days later I had my dress. We eloped 9 weeks to the day from the day he proposed. We are married now. I am not single. It's the weirdest, wildest ride to me on. I'm so happy! Being with Ben feels natural and like we have always been together. We drive each other nuts, but I'm so lucky. He is a wonderful person and we love each other. 

Our next step is to working on trying to conceive, which so far hasn't been working out. I suppose that's really why I wanted to start writing again. I need a place to capture everything I have been feeling. I hope I can start to do that again! In the meantime- here's to us.