Emily's Adventures in Wonderland

REALLY AWFUL WEEK

I got my Criminal Law grade back, and I got a C, which is not a passing grade. I had been hoping for a B+. I got a 75, a 70 and another 70 on the essays. I had gotten a B- on the midterm so I was really optimistic about the final before I took it. Only 50% of the class passed the class! 36 people passed out of 75, that's it!

So I flipped out all weekend long, and basically sat at Starbucks for three days straight studying.

What I decided (or rather what I am saying to people, I feel totally unconfidant about this) is that I have already paid tuition for the full semester. Being in law school is all I want to do with my life right now, I want to be a lawyer. So what in the world am I going to do with my life if I don't do that? I am not satisfied with just having a Bachelor's degree, I'm just not. I want a graduate degree, but what on earth would I do if not be a lawyer? What would I tell my family? My siblings don't even KNOW I am repeating my first year, I just never told them; I was too ashamed.

My friend Colette, who is a whiz at Excel and I ran all of the numbers on everything and if I get an 83% on the finals for both TOrts and Contracts I'll get a B- in those courses, and then I'll have to get a C+ in Professional Responsibility (Which is a terrifying prospect) and then my overall gpa will be a 2.34, which is basically the minimum I need to pass first year. So there is hope, technically. It's just very unlikely that I could get grades that high. I mean, it's law school. You work your butt off to get a C. Seriously.

And somehow I am going to get B's. This is so not going to happen. But I am going to try really hard and maybe I will luck out.

This Saturday is the Barrister's Ball, which is basicallly the law school prom. I have never been to a dance before, so I had been REALLY excited to go. I love everybody I go to school with and going as a big group of friends sounded like lots of fun, and I'd get to finally experience the whole prom thing.

THen all this crap happened at school...

I am not excited to go to prom now. Because these two people are probably going together which will just rub in my face how alone and how lonely I am and how much I miss David. I have gone back to crying alot for him. I was good for awhile, like a couple of months! And now, I texted him a few days ago ( no he didn't answer) and I am crying in the car and randomly around town. LIke at Target. Pretty sure I was teary at Target and I KNOW I cried at Starbucks.

And then my ex Matt has been kind of sort of flirting with me, which is confusing. He would not be a good person to get back together with. But then he is my friend and he lets me talk about David and how I feel with him and doesn't get tired of that. So I can't just like stay away from him because he's the only guy friend I really have... AND I trust him. But he's not good with dating stuff.

And then I haven't lost weight in 3 weeks now I think. Today is my weigh in day, but I am pretty sure I haven't lost anything this week either. I am down to a size 14 ( I can universally button the pants, but depending on the cut the 16's look better. But most of the pants are falling off me. Skirts and pants look ok in 14's, shorts and capris I can button but they look RETARDED.


I am on Week 7 on my running program, which is almost the end, YAY! The last two running program days I have had, I have run for 25 minutes straight, no walking! So that's good. BUt my belly is just hanging there still and no pounds are coming off.