Emily's Adventures in Wonderland

I withdrew from law school today. I got C's. For me, a C isn't going to get me a degree. I feel really confused. I don't know what to do now. I don't have any direction.

My friend took me to the book store and made me flip through career books to help me figure out what I like or am interested in.

While doing that i remembered that I really wanted to be a librarian once upon a time.

So I went home to see if I could track down a Master's in Library Science program.

The closest school is in San Jose. That's a couple hour drive from here. That won't work.

So then I looked at the programs for English, Education, Social Work, Sociology, Public Policy & Administration and Marine Science. I am so not into any of their programs.

I emailed the head of the department for Government. I was feeling really overwhelmed 2 seconds ago and I just now remembered I emailed the department head for Government and that makes me feel a little better because I forgot.

I really don't want to write a thesis. I don't know what to write about. I don't know what kind of a job I would want after I graduate.

I got so ....whatever, let's stick with 'overwhelmed'... I got so overwhelmed that I started looking up the credential programs too, for both Multi-subject (elementry school) and single ( jr high and high school). I already took and passed the CBEST a few years ago as a back up plan in case law school didn't work out. That test should still be good, I would think anyway. But then I started looking up all the stuff I have to do to get in the program and could I really picture myself teaching again anyway and I started feeling overwhelmed again.

Then I was looking at jobs online and instead of being excited about being able to work normal hours and find something reagular to do, I felt ... overwhelemed and anxious and disinterested.

I don't know what I want, I dont know what I should be doing, or perhaps I am just not ready to be thinking about all of this but I am really FREAKING OUT in not having a direction.

I will need to tell my family what happened soon, but I want to have a plan when I do so, and I dont have one.

I am a big mess. :(