Heartbroken

When I got into this relationship, I instinctively felt that this was never going to happen again, that I wasn't going to be hurt or heartbroken again because this man loved me so much.

I was wrong.

I haven't seen or talked to him since a week ago Saturday in that parking lot when he said moving was a possibility- and then the following Tuesday got word he had decided to go. The question then for the last week has been, are we staying together or not?

I was unsure at first, but then adamatly felt we could work it out. Because this relationship is SO special. But Matt has given me every indication he can't handle a long distance relationship. He has stopped telling me he loves me. He said it on his own over instant messenger on Thursday, but the only other times I have heard it since then is when I say it on the phone- and he mumbles it back, like he is being forced. He says it so uncomfortably that I do feel that he doesn't want to say it, and therefore must not feel it anymore. I don't know how you could fall out of love so fast after what we both felt we have... It has only been a handful of days since he told me he was in love with me, and how happy he was that I knew I wanted to marry him... And now he doesn't show me any affection at all... I don't understand what is happening.

My therapist group leader lady said he is doing this to self-protect, that he may not even be aware of it.

I wrote him a letter on Sunday night, a long one, pointing out all the reasons why we should stay together, and how much I loved him. I've said my peace...

He is having a bunch of co-workers over today to help him move. I asked if I could come help, or feed the guys some brownies, but he never even answered.

Tomorrow we are supposed to spend the day together. He had said he wanted to come over and visit, and he wanted to go to dinner. I have been dreading this day all week because i know we are going to break up. Because if we weren't, why wouldn't he be acting normally? But the thing I don't understand even more, is that he said he planned to see me again before he leaves on the 30th. He said he has the 29th off. If we are breaking up tomorrow, why would we see each other again after that? I love him, I wanted to marry him, I heard the sweetest words in the world from him... I can't see him. I need to get this grief out and work on getting better again. I am so angry with myself for thinking that I wasn't going to get hurt again. More than ever, this makes me not want to get back out there and date again. If this is what it is like when you have really found someone who is so perfect for you... then... why do it?