For the record, I've said to her repeatedly I am totally fine with "losing."
Because no matter what the judge decides, I'm not really going to lose. I won the day I got my suit filed. That is the day I won. The day a public record was begun of the things this man has done.
This is why I want to go to court:
1.) I WANT TO TELL MY STORY.
I want to stand up and speak in an articulate way and speak about the outrageous things he did. I want to be heard. More specifically, I want to be heard by a person of authority. That is how our society works. The biggest person I can "tell on " him to is a judge. Ta-da! Even if there is limited (or no) case law to back up our biggest torts, someone with authority will know he sucks as a human being. I win again.
2.) I WANT TO CONFRONT HIM.
I never got the chance in the house, or in the hours leading up to that moment to confront him with all that he had done. By going to court, I get to stand there and talk about all of the crap he did and he can't say a damn thing. NOT ONE THING. The only person who can interrupt me is the judge. Which is fine, because we'll already have my story written out for him ahead of time. But I'll get at least a couple of minutes to stand there, be put together and call him an asshole, in a polite, legalese type of way. (A tortfeasor. THIS MAN IS A TORTFEASOR YOUR HONOR! Okay, I won't, but I'll be thinking it.)
3.) CREATING A DETERRENT
Thus far, Matt has had really no reason to not do this again. He kept his job, his wife decided really this was no big deal (they were pregnant again within 2 months) and basically, he wasn't punished at all. The bottom line is, you can do anything you want to anyone, and you'll suffer no consequences.
Until now.
Matt, you messed with the wrong lady.
Hell hath NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED.
I want to make sure he does not do this again. I want to create a deterrant and a motivator for him to not ever, EVER do this again to any living creature. I want him to recognize in that pea-sized brain of his that what he did was WRONG WRONG WRONG and he cannot do this, and IF he does this, he will regret it. If nothing else, he will suffer the annoyances of arguments with his spouse, the financial burden of hiring an attorney, the pain of driving to court and the humiliation of having his actions listed out in public. Hopefully, this is enough.
If it's not, there's always LIFETIME. Or, I hear you can publish your own books on Amazon now.
4.) PROTECTING OTHER WOMEN
This is what is most important. I want to create a public record of his actions. Granted, Matt used a fake name with me, but when I looked him up, he was clean as a whistle. Hopefully next time he won't be so dumb as to use a fake name and a fake name tag. If he uses his real name, and tries to victimize another woman, I want her protected him. If she gets on google, I want hell to open up and for him to be swallowed whole. A couple of weeks before I filed my citizen's complaint, someone else apparently filed a federal lawsuit against Matt for violating their civil rights. (It's called a 1983 violation). It's common, I think with police officers, but I think it's less common for someone to actually file the lawsuit. This now comes up as a search result even though the person was not successful because they, too had a loser attorney. (He had a disciplinary action from the bar on his record- I know, I checked). But it's there. I want this on there too. If he tries to go after someone else, if she does some digging, I want her to be able to find this. It may not come up easily, but I want it to be there. I want to protect other women from being harmed like I was. I may not be able to send him to jail, but maybe I can still do something. This hurt me so much at first to hear, but it is probably true: I was not the first and I was not the last. He is a sociopath. There will be more. And if I don't speak up, who will?
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These are the reasons why I want to go to court. If you notice, none of them have anything to do with winning money. That would be nice. And I do believe I have the right to be restored to the position I was in prior to his fraud. However, that's not my primary objective. As long as I get to stand up in court, I'm good. We've got to get him served, and I've got to hold it together in the hallway for probably hours beforehand before our case is called. All cases are set for the same day of the week and the same time, so they'll probably have 20 cases set for the same time, and we'll have to sit there together, and I will have to not freak out. That's going to be hard. So far, my mom has said she would come, my NA has said she would try to take the morning off work. I wish you all would come and be with me too. The more people there, the better. I would give anything for you all to come. ANYTHING. I don't want to be there alone.
4 comments:
I think that if for nothing else, I think you being able to see him and tell him exactly how you feel (in a safe environment) is going to do you worlds of good. I think (and I could be wrong), but I think that being able to go there and see "your Matt" and the "real Matt" as the same person is going to help to put a lot of closure on your feelings. You can see "your Matt" for who he really is IN PERSON and I just think that it will be a huge freeing moment once you are able to express to HIM what he has done to YOU. I wish I could be there for you! I really do!!!
Thank goodness for being done with the looney attorney. You sound much more like yourself... so much more confident again. :-) So I wasn't clear in reading this... are you going to small claims still or a different court?
@Charity, I think you are exactly right and I took your comment and went into therapy and talked about it because of how right I think it is. I think that's why I keep feeling that this experience is going to help me shut the door. It's going to make it real.
@Nicole. Thank you. I'm feeling better a lot of the time, but still totally overwhelmed (with life, basically). My sleep has been awful- probably what yours is like, up every hour or two all night long. :(
I am still going to Small Claims, but in theLooney attorney's letters to Matt/his attorney, she always said we would present our case in superior court. So he had no idea this was coming. Their attorney even said we'll just file a demurre and you'll never get a chance to present your case. That's not possible in S.C. He HAS to speak, whether he likes it or not and he's not allowed an attorney. It was our plan all along.
I had an experience once in small claims court that was really crappy. I definitely am not trying to deter you from going - I just always think it's better to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Anyway, when I went into the courthouse and got on the elevator, the slime ball that I was suing in SCC was on the elevator. I got on in an attempt to be confident and brave. As soon as the doors closed, he said to me, "What is it going to take to get this case to go away?" To which I replied, "The exact amount of damages I'm suing you for." And then he opened up his wallet and showed me about $1000 in cash, pretending like he was going to give it to me, and then stopped and said in a snarky voice, "Or we could just go to court. We have more money than you do. This should be fun." It was horrible. I actually won the case, but I was pretty shaken up by the experience in the elevator. And then when we left the courthouse, they waited outside in their fancy sports car and taunted me. They were just evil, awful people. Just be prepared to run into him somewhere other than in the courtroom. I hope it doesn't happen to you that way, but I think you should be prepared for the possibility.
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