Last weekend I went out with a bunch of friends and ended up being their designated driver while they went bar hopping. One guy had stupidly given his car keys (their only way home ) to a friend so he could leave early. So I got sucked into babysitting everybody since I was sober and had a car. Don't get me wrong, it was fun , but also trouble. ( more on this later.) I ended up running into K in the bar, who had had way too much to drink and kept babbling about defending the honor of our cohort. (It was pretty funny.) This creepy guy, who looked like Channing Tatum, wouldn't leave me alone and kept trying to put his hands on my arm or my back. It was gross. I finally got up and told K the guy was bothering me and K got in his face and took care of it. At school on Monday, K spotted me sitting in our department office and we chatted for awhile about the weekend. He asked me to lunch but I didn't realize what he asked me before I was already saying I needed to meet with someone in the office. So he left... And when the program assistant came out to check on me, she was all raised eyebrows and winks about it. I blushed and denied everything, of course!
I had a pretty rough day today. I had a pretty rough week actually. As you may recall, I got poison ivy back on August 2nd when I was on the east coast. I turned out to be super allergic to the P.I., and was in and out of the doctor's office 4-5 times and had an endless supply of prescriptions. So far, it looks like my skin is going to scar. It's not bad, but I hope it keeps fading.
Anyway, the doctor put me on prednisone to help things along, and she put me on an extremely high dose, and an over 5 week regime. The prednisone actualy made me feel great. All of the body ache and arthritis symptoms I usually have totally went away. I PR'd at both the Eugene Marathon Race, and at the Scandia-Fest 5k as well. It really helped me get my body to a normal functioning level. I even started unpacking from my move- over a year ago. I cleaned and sorted laundry- it was amazing! I love prednisone!
Unfortunately however, prednisone is a steriod and there are consequences for taking it more than a few days. One of the consequences in panic attacks. Another consequence is your adrenal gland shutting down, or diminishing production levels. This messes with everything from your period (hello two week cycle) to really awful things like anxiety and depression. I started experiencing side effects so the doctor prescribed me Ativan to deal with the anxiety, which worked just fine. She also wanted me to wean off the steroids a little faster, and I did. But the problem with that was, weaning off too fast doesn't give your adrenal gland a chance to get back in the groove and it can trigger a depressive cycle, which is exactly what happened. I have found myself sobbing while running, crying in the grocery store, and experiencing full blown panic attacks at home, including staying up all night wracked with paranoia. It's been a party. And also like a very uncomfortable flashback to 4 years ago right after I found out the truth about Matt. (see sidebar). The cure is to bump up the prednisone for a day or two and go back to slowly weaning off. Which I am trying to do, but I am a bit of a forgetful person, so I typically recall I didn't take prednisone that day when I find myself yelling at the dog and crying while jogging past some cute little family on the logging trail. Pbbbbt.
Now that you're caught up to what's been going on, I bring you to today. I was having depressive symptoms from the prednisone/withdrawal and didn't want to eat or talk or do anything, but felt very lonely and just BLAH.
I just felt crappy today. I cried in Trader Joe's, I cried in PetSmart, I whined incessantly on my training run. It was poopy. I needed SOMETHING. My friends have not been the greatest about returning my texts and it was making me feel like a needy chick texting and getting no response. (And hurt my [wildly hormonal] feelings.)
So... around 10pm I texted K and said I was in need of cheering up and could we do anything sometime this week?
He answered right away and we quickly made plans for a "Midnight BBQ" tonight! I thought that was about the cutest thing I'd ever heard of. I brought a squash from my mom's garden and a bottle of wine my friends brought me back from Arkansas and drove over. He was coming from a friend's house where they had been watching the Oregon v. Washington game (we won 38-31 I think), and we walked to the grocery store together for a couple things before settling down to chopping, drizzling and BBQ'ing! K made penne pasta with grilled eggplant, red onions, yellow squash, and andiulli sausage. He was critical of his cooking but I thought it was great. We talked and drank and ate and had a lovely time. I felt so much better just to have company, and he is of course a great host! We also saw an R.O.U.S in his yard (Rodents of Unusual Size) and he talked me into going out there with a flashlight and trying to pet it. I was obviously unsuccessful, but had the pleasure of watching the giant 20 pound rat hop like a bunny across the grass, which I felt made it all worth it!
I left his house just before 3am, and he very nicely walked me to my car ( a good three blocks up hill), where we loitered around for a bit more talking. He was obviously tired, but we kept talking.. And I kept thinking in my head, JUST KISS ME ALREADY! But it didn't happen. So my mind circles back around to "We are friends," and "Stop thinking about your friend like that! It's weird!" And yet we had extended conversations, again, about dating, and what we are looking for, how lonely we are, and while going through photos of the students in our department he told me he found me attractive (I was so delighted I of course forget everything else we were talking about and can't regurgitate the conversation for you. My bad. I was busy blushing and coming up with a "cool" comeback to the compliment.)
(....Pretty sure my "cool" comeback was a smile and a thank you and a subject change like it was NBD).
I drove home with a HUGE smile on my face though, because I just felt so cheered up. It was nice to spend time with a "friend," one on one, and have a nice conversation and just be taken care of. I tried to sit outside with him while he was cooking (at 1am...) and he didn't want my butt to get cold on the concrete so he ran and got me a chair- and then sat on the concrete himself. My drink rarely got to empty because he kept it full and paid attention to my needs! He walked me to my car without prompting (unlike the idiots in my cohort), sent me home with one of his precious glass jar water bottles, and was overall, just NICE. I like him. I just wish I understood it. I don't really have friendships with men so I have no idea how this is supposed to go.
Ideas?
I had a pretty rough day today. I had a pretty rough week actually. As you may recall, I got poison ivy back on August 2nd when I was on the east coast. I turned out to be super allergic to the P.I., and was in and out of the doctor's office 4-5 times and had an endless supply of prescriptions. So far, it looks like my skin is going to scar. It's not bad, but I hope it keeps fading.
Anyway, the doctor put me on prednisone to help things along, and she put me on an extremely high dose, and an over 5 week regime. The prednisone actualy made me feel great. All of the body ache and arthritis symptoms I usually have totally went away. I PR'd at both the Eugene Marathon Race, and at the Scandia-Fest 5k as well. It really helped me get my body to a normal functioning level. I even started unpacking from my move- over a year ago. I cleaned and sorted laundry- it was amazing! I love prednisone!
Unfortunately however, prednisone is a steriod and there are consequences for taking it more than a few days. One of the consequences in panic attacks. Another consequence is your adrenal gland shutting down, or diminishing production levels. This messes with everything from your period (hello two week cycle) to really awful things like anxiety and depression. I started experiencing side effects so the doctor prescribed me Ativan to deal with the anxiety, which worked just fine. She also wanted me to wean off the steroids a little faster, and I did. But the problem with that was, weaning off too fast doesn't give your adrenal gland a chance to get back in the groove and it can trigger a depressive cycle, which is exactly what happened. I have found myself sobbing while running, crying in the grocery store, and experiencing full blown panic attacks at home, including staying up all night wracked with paranoia. It's been a party. And also like a very uncomfortable flashback to 4 years ago right after I found out the truth about Matt. (see sidebar). The cure is to bump up the prednisone for a day or two and go back to slowly weaning off. Which I am trying to do, but I am a bit of a forgetful person, so I typically recall I didn't take prednisone that day when I find myself yelling at the dog and crying while jogging past some cute little family on the logging trail. Pbbbbt.
Now that you're caught up to what's been going on, I bring you to today. I was having depressive symptoms from the prednisone/withdrawal and didn't want to eat or talk or do anything, but felt very lonely and just BLAH.
I just felt crappy today. I cried in Trader Joe's, I cried in PetSmart, I whined incessantly on my training run. It was poopy. I needed SOMETHING. My friends have not been the greatest about returning my texts and it was making me feel like a needy chick texting and getting no response. (And hurt my [wildly hormonal] feelings.)
So... around 10pm I texted K and said I was in need of cheering up and could we do anything sometime this week?
He answered right away and we quickly made plans for a "Midnight BBQ" tonight! I thought that was about the cutest thing I'd ever heard of. I brought a squash from my mom's garden and a bottle of wine my friends brought me back from Arkansas and drove over. He was coming from a friend's house where they had been watching the Oregon v. Washington game (we won 38-31 I think), and we walked to the grocery store together for a couple things before settling down to chopping, drizzling and BBQ'ing! K made penne pasta with grilled eggplant, red onions, yellow squash, and andiulli sausage. He was critical of his cooking but I thought it was great. We talked and drank and ate and had a lovely time. I felt so much better just to have company, and he is of course a great host! We also saw an R.O.U.S in his yard (Rodents of Unusual Size) and he talked me into going out there with a flashlight and trying to pet it. I was obviously unsuccessful, but had the pleasure of watching the giant 20 pound rat hop like a bunny across the grass, which I felt made it all worth it!
I left his house just before 3am, and he very nicely walked me to my car ( a good three blocks up hill), where we loitered around for a bit more talking. He was obviously tired, but we kept talking.. And I kept thinking in my head, JUST KISS ME ALREADY! But it didn't happen. So my mind circles back around to "We are friends," and "Stop thinking about your friend like that! It's weird!" And yet we had extended conversations, again, about dating, and what we are looking for, how lonely we are, and while going through photos of the students in our department he told me he found me attractive (I was so delighted I of course forget everything else we were talking about and can't regurgitate the conversation for you. My bad. I was busy blushing and coming up with a "cool" comeback to the compliment.)
(....Pretty sure my "cool" comeback was a smile and a thank you and a subject change like it was NBD).
I drove home with a HUGE smile on my face though, because I just felt so cheered up. It was nice to spend time with a "friend," one on one, and have a nice conversation and just be taken care of. I tried to sit outside with him while he was cooking (at 1am...) and he didn't want my butt to get cold on the concrete so he ran and got me a chair- and then sat on the concrete himself. My drink rarely got to empty because he kept it full and paid attention to my needs! He walked me to my car without prompting (unlike the idiots in my cohort), sent me home with one of his precious glass jar water bottles, and was overall, just NICE. I like him. I just wish I understood it. I don't really have friendships with men so I have no idea how this is supposed to go.
Ideas?
2 comments:
Ok, here are my thoughts: so either the dude WANTS to be attracted to you but just feels like a friend. OR (and I think this is more the case) hes nervous about making a "move". It'll change the dynamic and thats a scary thing. Either be patient or make a move yourself. (touch his arm or hand or chest A LOT) Do you even want this to go somewhere?
My impression from what you wrote is that he is probably just being too shy to make the first move. Maybe he thinks the same way you do--that you're just friends, and he'll be rejected if he tries to kiss you or something? If it were me in your situation, I'd go ahead and make the first move (likely by telling him my thoughts) and just see what happens. (But I've been married so long I'm not at all qualified to give dating advice, hahaha!)
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