The biggest thing that happened that week, of course was Daniel got a tattoo! I had really struggled with learning to accept Daniel's love of tattoos (and motorcycles) and had reflected hard on whether this was something I could learn to accept about him. I had been working on it, internally and talking with friends for the last couple of months and by the time the end of October rolled around we were actually planning out his tattoo together! Since I was going to have to look at the thing for the rest of my life, we both wanted it to be something I could deal with and that I would like, too. I really appreciated how much input he allowed me to have in the design and he actually changed some major elements based on my feedback, which really impressed me. I had never had a man so value my opinion before, or include me. It made me feel special, and important.
The appointment was scheduled for that Wednesday and I asked if I could come to the appointment with him and while he warned me it could be a little gory, he said I was more than welcome to come! So about half through it, (and puzzling through some cryptic text messages Dan sent me through the pain) I walked into my first tattoo parlor!
It was so much cleaner than I had expected; bright white like a doctor's office with beautiful artwork framed on all of the walls. Daniel was laying down on a table at the opposite end of the room behind the counter. When I got there I asked the artists if I could go back but they said I couldn't due to spacing constraints. This really bummed me out because I had driven about 20+ miles just to watch him get it done and from the angle I was at I couldn't really see anything. So that was frustrating. I wish they could have at least walked me back for a minute to at least let me SEE how it worked at least? What was even more frustrating was after I had been leaning on the counter for about 30 minutes craning my neck trying to see what the artist was doing (I could literally see almost nothing) another customer walked straight in, got waved behind the counter by Daniel's artist and came over and watched her for a couple of minutes. That infuriated me. I did try to pay very close attention to what I COULD see, however, and to notice everything I could. From the pedal on the floor (like a sewing machine pedal) to the instruments used, to the equipment, how fast she moved and how detailed she was- I tried to make the most of the experience for me. I also just enjoyed the fact that I got to be there at all. It felt intimate regardless. This artwork was going to be on his body forever. That's a big deal.
What WAS really special and memorable about the whole experience though, and something I will never forget is when I walked in, and Daniel and I saw each other, we simultaneously had full body reactions to each other. I don't know exactly what I did- but I felt my body react to him. Head to toe I had some kind of a physical reaction. What I can say is what I saw he did. He was laying on this table (picture a massage table) wearing jeans with his shirt off, and his whole body moved and jumped- like a whole body smile sort of. The artist actually had to pull back quickly when he saw me, and then she laughed at both of us as we reacted to each other because our reactions were so obvious and so full-body. I've never had that experience before. I felt rosy and glowy and literally... Daniel's whole body just glowed when he saw me. I won't forget that. I told him that later and he blushed. His body had betrayed his feelings for me. He couldn't hide it. It was a very sweet and dear moment. Both of our smiles were very big for each other. I loved that moment. It makes my heart happy, even now, remembering that.
It meant a lot to me that he included me in the process, because to him, tattooing is a private, meditative kind of thing. So to allow me there was a big deal. When he took a break he came over and we talked and I took a picture of it and I liked it a lot. I also felt so much more attached to the artwork and keyed into everything because I had been so involved in the process. It really helped get me on board with everything. I really enjoyed it.
I really would have liked to have stayed, but Daniel implied he wanted me to go. It was some kind of invasion of his space for me to be there I guess, and while he didn't directly ask me to go, I could tell that was what he wanted, so I left even though it did upset me. I was there for about an hour, but I called a friend after a little out of sorts. I couldn't understand why he asked me to come if he didn't want me there. Looking back on it though, I can reframe the experience to say that this activity for him was something private and personal and special for him to share with me. It took a lot for him to share it with me. It was also very helpful for our relationship for me to be able to be present for a portion of the process. But he also still needed to take care of himself and for him, he needed to focus on his own self care and to do that, he needed to be in the zone and be alone. He and I could always see each other after. And we did! He was sore and tired but very excited. I was still feeling a little sensitive about our days apart and the push pull... but I was happy for us to spend time together because that's where I felt most at home.
Here's the artwork before and after.
The original sketch included these red and teal polka dots... which really reminded me of a particular Dr. Suess book and led me to blowing up his phone with screen shots of the book. NAME THAT BOOK in the comments. ;) That is the major component he ended up changing by the way. :)
The above picture I took at the break right before I left and the below is the one Daniel sent me when he was all done! He ended up spontaneously getting a second small tattoo on his wrist of a lit match which I didn't even notice until later when I was running my hand over his wrist and noticed the healing skin, much to his amusement. He loved that he pulled a fast one on me. Stinker.
No comments:
Post a Comment