I know we thought this day would never ever come, but it did! I graduated! I was pretty anxious leading up to graduation because I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to have the perfect party and have everybody come and I REALLY wanted to make it a big deal and a big celebration. It was really frustrating to me in planning this that despite giving some of the closest people in my life 6+ months notice, people bailed out at the last minute and left me hanging. I heard a lot from people that "graduations are boring," and "nobody goes to them anymore." Almost always these comments were a follow up to me sharing how important mine was to me and how excited I was for this day. I found this so incredibly rude. Unlike many other life cycle events- weddings, for a simple example- graduations celebrate ACHIVEMENT. And by LORD did I work hard for this. The degree itself was a lot of work, but getting here, to this point in my life, and overcoming all of those hardships was another matter entirely. I am incredibly proud of all that I have accomlished, and I am grateful that I believed in myself enough to get out of California and into a new life. It was the best thing I could ever have done for myself in terms of healing and truly helped me move on and grow as a person in a way I don't think anything else really could. Yes, therapy, and medication and getting a dog and working and having hobbies- all awesome things. But starting over was by far the best choice for me.
Sandwiched between Connor and Kouang right in the middle.
For a program as small as ours (around 20 graduates this year), our commencement is extremely intimate and very special. Every person you see in this audience photo (or almost everybody,) is someone I know. My friends were all sitting together, and Connor's family and our friends were all in the same section together. Only our department graduated that day, and each student was spoken about individually. It's truly special. The law school hosted appetizers, drinks and a bar afterwards as well. They really go all out.
So, this is another long story entirely, but there was a lot of drama with our graduation speaker. Our school wanted to bring in an outside person, but we had had a lot of staffing changes the second year of our program and had lost our old director- he had essentially been forced out of the program. Connor and I teamed up, and asked if our old director could be brought back to give our commencement speech, because we all had felt something akin to little lost lambs that year and really wanted familiarity and guidance from someone who knew US. Unfortunately it was made clear that this was not something that could happen because of the circumstances under which our director left- he was essentially force out of the program by our new director, who wanted his job because she thought she could do it better, or that it should be done differently. A person I might add was the advisor on my thesis and refused to meet with me. In two years of attending this school, in a tiny building where everybody knows everyone, I met the woman ONCE. She refused to meet with me to advise on my project- something that is literally in her job description. She then did not show up to my defense, jeopardizing my ability to graduate. Connor and I, armed with knowledge started a petition to have our director speak at graduation, and with a few mis-steps, actually won this fight. Connor has said a few times, it was really me who got this done, and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't done this (I made the mis-steps which forced the law school's hand in allowing the speaker change to happen.) While I really did not acknowledge how heavy my role was in this publiclly, in all honesty Connor is probably right.
What I will say about this experience, which overall was exhausting, upsetting, offensive, and frustrating, is that having our old director speak was the BEST thing ever. I was so anxious up until that moment, but during his speech, I felt felt my whole body relax. At one point, he turned to the audience on the other side and apologized for not facing them, but that he needed to turn and look at his students because WE were the ones that needed to hear him that day. That moment was so incredibly meaningful... It was amazing. The director and I don't really mesh, but I will be forever grateful that he gave us those moments and filled the emotional hole so many of us had experienced that last year after being abandoned by the administration.
My pretend baby brother Connor was elected as class speaker, and I was so proud. He spoke about one of our first assignments we ever had as students- writing about Forgiveness. In our Philosophy of Conflict course, a summer class taught by an Oxford professor, we read the book "The SunFlower" by Simon Wisenthal. It is, in part, about a Holocaust victim, and an SS man. Connor and I have both had difficult journeys in our personal relationships with others, and forgiveness is such an important theme in our lives. I wept as I sat in my chair and heard his important words. He did a good job and I was so proud of him.
Then came the moment I wasn't exactly excited for- they called my name, I stood and they talked about me for several minutes! It was rough! They called me the Clark Kent of the program, with my double life (so funny given my history) as a student, mediator, and wedding photographer. I sort of looked like I wanted to die the entire time they were talking and my phone blew up with messages like, "You look truly troubled."
In the main commons, (where the exercises were held) quotes from each of the graduates flashed up on the screen throughout the ceremony and during the party afterwards. Mine:
I now have duck feet!
And all of my wonderful friends from Oregon!
I was so, so happy to get a shot with both of my boys! Kouang will probably fall off the planet and never be heard from again but HA I got the photo before he disappeared!
Joanna and Stephanie (and Claudia) came from Southern California and of course all 4 of my parental figures and my Aunt Dorothy came too!
And my favorite picture from that day- of just me!
We all went to Plakntown Brewery after for dinner. It was so very nice, Sarah's grandparents came in addition to my friends. It was perfect and just what I wanted!I felt like we got the spirit of Springfield and it was the perfect closing to my time in Oregon too.
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