This is not good!

I am so frustrated right now. After the whirlwind of wonderfulness last week, we have experienced nothing short of devastation THIS week!

Matt's Dad had a stroke last week and is in the hospital. He has been there for a week now. He has some loss of motor function, and some memory loss. Matt drove to Redding to visit him on Monday and is staying until Thursday and then going back to work. I saw him for a few minutes while he was on shift on Sunday night, but that was it, so I am missing him like crazy.

I guess when Matt went to see his Dad for the first time, his dad didn't recognize him at first. :( I know that must have been really awful. I am sure the whole family could really use some prayers now.

Matt is very, very stressed, which is very clear by his messages, and I am only hearing from him a tiny bit, but I completely understand. He is so distracted and tense... He told me he is more stressed there, on his days off, than he is when he is working. Considering his job, that is saying alot.

I love him and I am worried about him. I wish there was something I could do. I am trying to just be very, very supportive and not pressure him or complain in any way. (Which is very hard! Emily gets kind of needy after a couple of days!)

Please keep Matt and his dad in your thoughts and prayers!!! :(

Here he is!

It's not a picture of us together, but here is my Matt!

Oh, and do we like the new layout and blog-topper? I finally found something I really, really love! :)

So this is LOVE

I still have no pictures for you. This would be because I am lame and not particularly inclined to beg an unwilling participant to pose or grin.... or do anything other than hide at the sight of the camera. LOL


I will keep working on him. He just needs some buttering up. Suggestions for that?


Last Thursday, May 28th (also my sister Erin's birthday) Matt told me his parents had asked him to move to Redding (2.5-3 hours away from here) to be closer to family, and he felt the obligation to seriously consider their request, and for some reason told me about it! Since he told me about it, I assumed that this was a HUGE deal and his parents had laid alot of pressure on him or something. Because why else would he mention it to me so seriously? Very upsetting! We mutually agreed that we would not do long distance, and as I am tied to the Sacramento area for a minimum of 3 years for school... I couldn't move there any time soon. Unfortunately, this was all over text message because he does not have reception up there because there are like no cell phone towers. Definitely a poor way to communicate about something so important. Anyway, we both got a bit upset, but ultimately I told him it wasn't my choice and I would stand behind whatever he decided.

Obviously, I wanted him to stay, but the fact is, if he doesn't want to stay, then he wouldn't really want to be with me, and therefore I don't want to hold him here or pressure him to stay if he doesn't want to be. I want him to WANT to. Make sense?

Anyway, things had been a little iffy, so I decided that since I didn't know if we were going to break up come Monday when he got back I decided to tell him... I LOVE YOU. :) I told him I wanted to wait, but that, given the situation, if he told me he was going to move I would have been too afraid to say it and I wanted him to know. So I texted it to him. (Sad, I know, but it was the only way we could talk at that moment.) And he said it right back, like I knew he would. We had both been beating around the bush so it was pretty much an unspoken plan we were going to say it when we saw each other next. Anyway, regardless, it made me very happy. And I told him how happy I was, and he told me he was too and that he was in love with me. It was all very sweet and dear. :)

Anyway, Sunday he was supposed to work overtime, but it got canceled, and so he came over at 7pm and we hung out and watched tv and spent time together and said our I LOVE YOU's in person. He was just looking at me real intently and then he said it quietly and I said it right back and then I was shy so we hugged for a long time. It was very sweet. Nobody has ever told me they loved me before so it was really special. :)



After all that he told me he decided to stay here to be with me and he'd tell him parents soon. He said he just couldn't imagine leaving me. :)

DATE NIGHT

Bad news... Matt's overtime today was supposed to be canceled. Well, apparently there are protests going on in San Francisco against cops, something having to do with some guy that was shot by a cop on BART. (Bay Area public Transit something or other) So he got called in and has to go police the protest- which is against police officers! Not such a great place to be in my opinion.

So no date. :( He talked to his boss, and the guys said "tough potatos kid." Except he didn't say potatos... lol

And already (invented AND) made a bath of key lime cupcakes for him. :(

Big News! (I have a boyfriend!)

I know I have been so naughty lately! Not a post in two months! That's bad.

The honest truth has been, I haven't had much going on the last couple of months to talk about. Now there were some great things, I came out to visit Kristin in Utah, and I went through the Draper Temple, which was so beautiful and I totally loved the experience, I had a birthday, and Kristin came to visit me. So maybe I am wrong, maybe I have been busy!! lol

The biggest reason I am blogging today is because I have big, big NEWS! If you have been checking out my facebook, then you would see that I have a boyfriend now! Yay! We have been "going steady" for 2 weeks tomorrow. LOL It is such a ridiculously short amount of time, but ya, know. Whatever! We started dating 3-4 weeks ago.

Matt is a CHP officer in the Bay Area. He is 29, has been single for 4 years and is ready to settle down. He owns his own home, he has a couple of puppies, his career is settled and great and he loves it. He is just missing the family he wanted! So enter Emily!!! The perfect woman!! (That's what he calls me! :) )

For our first date we just met for coffee at Starbucks. (10% coffee, 45% sugar and 45% heavy cream lol) We talked for two hours and it was great. The only thing that killed me was he was wearing REALLY dark pants ( I thought they were black but he has since told me they were just jeans, but...) and BRIGHT, BLINDING white sneakers! Yuck! I felt like I needed to put some sunglasses on to shield me from the shine off his shoes!! lol But clothing can be changed and I have learned that first impressions are RARELY accurate (physically I mean) and never matter in the end so I just put it out of my head and ignored it and just had a good time.

Then, the torture part! I heard from him and talked to him right away but it took him like 6 days to ask me out again and then he had to cancel! I was DYING! lol I was thinking it wasn't going to go anywhere at all, and I actually made a date with an IT guy to meet for coffee. I was trying not to get attached.

The night I was supposed to go out with the IT guy, I was carrying my computer from my room to the living room to do some work, and the moniter fell off of it on one side! I was really freaking out and very upset. The IT guy canceled our date at that moment over text message (for another reason- he was tired and cranky) and then I was mad about that- especially since he wasn't very sympathetic to the drama that was going on at my house. So who could I talk to? MATT! So I sent him a text message about my computer and he was SO nice and sympathetic and attentive. He was really, really great and made me feel much better. So we started talking again! I don't remember if he was calling me at this point or not. But he was definetly texting me.

After texting all night I encouraged him enough and he got brave and asked me to come have lunch with him while he was working. (He was nervous to ask me out again because he liked me so much. How about that for a crazy reason to not ask for a date! But he was just afraid of messing it up, because he really liked me.)

I was WAY more nervous going to lunch than I had been when we met for coffee, and was really intimidated because he was in his uniform. (Uniforms are scary! But cute... but SCARY!) But we had a good conversation and a nice time and we gave each other a hug for the first time when he said goodbye. (He got a call and had to go.) After that he told me he wanted to take me out on an official, "real" date and go to dinner. So he asked me out for Friday. (We went to lunch Wednesday)

The next day he texted me alot and then asked if he got off early if he could come visit me! So he did! He came over after work and we hung out! He is allergic to cats, but he had thought ahead and took an allergy pill so he felt ok while he was here. We talked and hung out for a long time and then we went and got a pizza. Since I have been dieting for so long I haven't had a pizza in AGES!!! And it turns out, we both love the exact same kind of pizza- Pizza Hut, with a pan crust. Ooooh it was so good! Deep fried bread- YEAH! So we had dinner, and the whole time he had been here he was on one couch and I was on the other. So after dinner I asked him to come sit by me, and it just sort of happened naturally we were sort of snuggling up and I was holding the cat (lol) and we just looked at each other and kissed! Whewhoo! I remember I said, "I did not think you would be kissing me for the first time when I had a baby in my arms!" (I was holding my kitty Amelia. LOL)

So anyway, the next day he had off from work I think, and we basically hung out the whole day. I don't even remember what we did. I think maybe we went to Ernesto's for dinner. (Where Kristin and I went!) It is a really great mexican place, and it has live marriachi. The funny thing is we basically couldn't talk through the whole dinner because the music was SO LOUD. THey came and played right by our table and basically we could only communicate by rolling our eyes at each other about the marriachi band! lol

We had a good dinner, and we talked about alot of things in the car to and from the restaurant. He told me about loosing a colleague at work, and I told him about the problems I have had with depression and being home alot, etc. He was really empathetic, and didn't mind, and didn't think it was a big deal. He even said he was really happy that I felt comfortable enough to tell him. I thought that was great. I was really nervous about it, but I just started telling him randomly in the car, and there you go!

Anyway, we got home and we were going to watch a movie and what do you know we started talking and I said "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" And he said Yeah! LOL So that is how I got a boyfriend.

I am really, really, happy. He is really sweet, and loving and I know he has BOTH of our best interests at heart. He told me he only believes in dating for marriage and not for just for the sake of dating. He has told me over the last couple of weeks that he has really high hopes for us- that we will get married and have babies "down the road". That is his favorite phrase in realtion to this subject! He is very enthusiastic about the idea that I am the right person for him, but when he says "down the road" all the time I keep thinking he is not going to marry me until I am 40 or something. Which I know makes no sense but I just keep thinking that! He is 29 and he has said before though that he wants to be DONE having kids before he is 40. And he has already agreed to having 5 kids with me. LOL So 5 kids, 2 years between them, that's 10 years! So he has 1 year to marry me I guess! lol

In all honesty there is no timeline or anything, it will happen when it happens, IF it happens. BUT, I do really feel (knock on wood) that this is the right person for me. If I made a list of all of the qualities I want in a husband, a partner, someone to spend my life with, he has every single trait I could wish for. He is so considerate, and attentive and he really listens to what I say. Last week he came to my house and made me dinner. He brought me flowers- they were beautiful!- becauseI had said I had only ever gotten flowers once before in my life. He made me dinner, and I made a 4 layer raspberry cream torte chocolate cake with ganache frosting, which I basically invented as I went along. The dinner was really good and he made me a HUGE bowl of guac! (Because that's my favorite food!) I was telling him not to let me see the raw chicken because I really hate raw meat and I never cook meat. I was telling him how I was always asking my brother in law to grill me some chicken breasts someday. He asked me a couple questions about how I liked my chicken, and he said, I can do that for you! And guess what! The next time I saw him, there he was with a bag of grilled chicken, just for me! :)

I am really happy. He makes me very happy. I feel like the luckiest girl to have found someone so nice and kind and loving. He has already told everybody he knows (literally!) about me, including his parents, and has been showing off my picture because he thinks I am beautiful. It has been really great. I hope we get to spend alot of time together and get to know each other really well. I hope that this is it for me. I really cannot imagine someone more perfect, but you never know, so let's just hope! Hope, hope, HOPE! I know he would take good care of not just me, but my heart too. :)

I just got word from Matt that his overtime for Sunday was canceled, so I can see him then! So hopefully I will get some cute pictures of us then! :)

COMING UP WITH A PLAN

So I have really been struggling lately with what I want to do, my goals, my motivtion and my energy levels.

I am just tired all the time, I hve no energy to do anything. So I am taking care of it with the doctor/therapist and everything, and I am better than I was 6 months ago, but it is still really rough for me. Nothing excites me or motivates me anymore. I can't even keep my house anything less than a disaster area. In the past I don't think I have ever let it get this crazy and it really bothers me now, but I just haven't been able to deal with it.

I did have one little thing that happened this week that I was really excited about.

I am considering preparing to buy a house.

(Pause for reaction)...


Yes, although I am a photographer, I do consider myself to be essentially unemployed. But I also have savings, half of which I put away myself and the other half of which was savings bonds from my Grandparents given to me as a baby, specifically for a house.

I had always had this little fantasy and always thought I would buy my first house with my husband. But you know, when I looked into it, the monthly payments on a condo would actually be LESS than my rent now, and it's going towards OWNING something. Not to mention the fact that house prices have crashed and are continuing to crash, meaning it's the perfect time for someone like me to buy.

The very first listing I looked at was a 1100 square foot condo, 2 bedroom 2.5 bath for $70,000 and monthly payments of $331.00 a month. I about choked on that one. It was much older, and in a crummy surrounding neighborhood (although a desirable location, very close to downtown and shopping and running trails and the river) so I was definetly NOT interested, but WOW. Isn't that neat? It's what spurred the "this would be such a neat idea" thing and I really started looking.

I live on the edge of a new area called Natomas, which is just north of downtown. It's all brand new, very trendy, and has 4 In-N-Outs within like 5 miles. My kind of place. LOL

So I looked at some condos (just online) and saw a couple I REALLY liked. They were between $99,000 and $149,000, all were 2 bedrooms, mostly at least 2 baths, mostly 2 car garages.

It is really exciting. It is the first thing that has excited me at all in almost year. (Besides Maurice's, 5 pound bags of chopped Reese's and homemade yeast donuts)

I talked to my dad about it and he was actually really supportive. He told me to get a job, quick as I can, clear off my credit card, and sock away the rest of what I need for a downpayment. (Or to "steroid up" my photography business- I guess I could do a little of both.)

So maybe in the next 6 months to a year I will be buying a house!!

Here are some pretty pictures to admire.



This first one (above) is $139,000, 2 bedroom, 2.5 bath, built in 2006, is 1,197 square feet and a 2 car garage. It is also DETATCHED! It's like real house, even though it's a condo!!!
These next two pictures go together, the first is the interior, and the next is the exterior. This one is $149,900 2 bedroom, 2 bath, 1,519 square feet, built in 2004 nd has two garage spaces.



This is the last one, and this is the one I really fell in love with first. I actually went and did a drive by, I couldn't find the unit but I drove through the development and really loved it. I was both in REAL walking distance from my gym (seriously!), walking distance from my friend's house, Arco Arena (seriously!) and Starbucks. SCORE!!!
It is $149,000, 2 bedroom, 2 bath built in 2006, has 1,067 square feet, two garage spaces and A HOT TUB/JACCUZZI, built it! AHHHHH! That means it has a small backyard too, although it isn't mentioned! How awesome is that?! I really would like to go look at this one.

So, what do you think?