Sacramento Drive in Theatre date with Daniel!

Thursday, October 8th, about a week and a half into dating!

At this point, we were supposed to just be having date nights.. But it wasn't exactly going that way. We were seeing each other every single day, under some excuse, pretense or another.

Tuesday of this week I had to have my landlord and some workmen come over and replace the fence for an entire side of my property- an all day job. I wasn't going to be home for most of the work, but there was a two hour window where I would be home and these strange men would be in the backyard. It triggered my anxiety and a bit of my PTSD and I was really uncomfortable being home alone with these guys in the backyard. Monday night (the day after our "parking" date) I spent an hour or two in the backyard breaking down my moving boxes and cleaning up the yard. Daniel called (first call ever!) and offered to come help me, but I said it was okay. I wasn't quite ready for him to come over to my house yet. I sort of wanted everything to be pristine. But the next morning, with the workmen there, I just wanted some comfort, and when he offered to swing by in between class and heading to work, I couldn't resist. So he came over to give me a hug. I was getting ready to shoot a wedding up at the HideOut, near Lake Tahoe, and was getting ready to go, but was so nervous. I gave him the address and he came by all ready to work. He stood in my kitchen and just hugged me. Hard. He never pulled away. He just let me be held by him. For a long time. It was just the best. He already knew my whole history, and he was just there, ready and willing to support me in this little hiccup I was having, and it was so sweet and dear. I really appreciated it. So much. It was embarrassing to an extent, but also, just what I needed too. When we talked about this moment later, he told me that moment of standing in the kitchen, holding me while I was distressed was the moment he first felt real feelings for me. Our first date was like a lightning bolt for him, but this moment of seeing me vulnerable- this is when it was real for him.

 I walked him out the back door so he could peep over the fence and see my big backyard, and I kissed him- hard- but quickly, out of the view of the workmen on my back step before sending him off to work. And then I finished getting ready for work and headed out too!

My yard with the fence down!

I don't remember if we saw each other Wednesday- I think he might have had a school event based on the dates, but it wouldn't be surprising if he came over that night afterwards. Either Tuesday after the wedding he came over or Wednesday he did, I am sure of it. We were already having this tendency to do that. Just come over to each other's houses to just see and check in with each other. This was totally new to me- I hadn't had this in other relationships and it was really exciting. I loved it.
Thursday was the next date of our actual real, planed on date! We weren't supposed to see each other the other days, ha!

This was such a fun date, I LOVED it! I drove over to Daniel's house about 6:30pm and we took his car over to the Drive In over in Rancho Cordova. The movies started at 7:00pm  I think. Maybe 7:30pm!

We took Daniel's Volkswagen stationwagen and he put down the back seats so it was nice and flat back there.  He brought pillows and I brought a my big peach quilt and he parked the car backwards and then we got popcorn and hot dogs (and I brought a bottle of wine and some beer) and we settled down for the double feature! The first movie was Everest, and the second was Martian. The first movie I don't remember a ton about- I think we were talking off and on, and we were focused on the storyline. We talked about possibly climbing Kilimanjaro together. It's not that difficult a hike apparently and not so dangerous. We both love adventure- just lack people to adventure with! I loved having this conversation with him. It so endeared  him to me.

For Martian we had to move the car to another screen and got stuck behind some high schoolers, who were SUPER annoying. They were loud, they asked us if they could smoke weed, and were just super obnoxious. We both got really annoyed and decided to just give it back to them, so Daniel started making loud comments like we were getting it on in the back of the stationwagen and the kids kept  turning around freaked out like we were doing it back there- and then I would laugh hysterically. We cuddled and made out, laughed and held hands and teased the kids (and yelled at them) and it was an amazing date. At one point I had kind of gotten a little drunk on the wine- or was just so giddy from laughing for so long I just couldn't get rid of my giggles and then he couldn't stop laughing at me. It was amazing. It was the most amazing night, under the stars with this great, fun person I loved being with. I think it was mutually our favorite date. We both wanted to go back but we never made it. I so wish we had. This is such an awesome memory to me.

That time we went Parking on T Street

Sunday, October 4th, Ernesto's, Rick's Dessert Diner and a Neighborhood Walk- Oh and Parking on T Street.

I was so nervous when I took this picture. I remember I sent it to Connor saying I was freaked out. I think this was the first time I wore my new size 4 jeans too!
 

 Daniel had gone camping with the Environmental Law Society (ELS) at Spicier Meadows for the weekend, but got back in time to take me out on a date! As soon as he got back he texted and out we went!

Our third date for whatever reason I had this massive wave of anxiety wash over me. I called my friend Sarah on the way over and asked if I should kiss him when I greeted him and she said no- wait until the end of the date. I was completely freaking out. I think because I knew this was a relationship and it was a match and I hadn't felt that way in a long, long, LONG time. Daniel and I connected on this deep emotional level that I can barely even articulate and it felt overwhelming.

We were having dinner at Ernesto's downtown and planned on dessert afterwards somewhere too, probably Rick's Dessert Diner. I parked my car around the corner and felt the huge wave of anxiety envelope my body and tried to shake it off. Daniel was waiting in the enclave just inside the restaurant and initially we just hugged, and he hesitated a second and then he said, "Oh just screw it, " and went in to kiss me- and I immediately pulled back. Sarah had JUST told me not to let him kiss me into the end of the date and that comment coupled with my anxiety was too much for me to just embrace the moment. His sad little face with the immediate "Aww" though, was too much to bear and I tried to shake off my nervousness that I didn't really understand and leaned in and kissed him.

This was the first date I saw his tattoos- something that had been a source of anxiety for me going into this. He has them, and wants more, and I as a rule have always hated them. We weren't quite sure how this would work but he was trying to wean me in slowly into this part of his life because it was important to him. He had rolled up his sleeves for this date so I could see a little bit of his artwork, so although I had seen it in pictures, it would be my first time seeing it in person.

All through dinner I could just feel myself putting up walls and pulling back harder and harder and I didn't know why. Was it because this wasn't a match? Or because I was carrying my own baggage and fears into this potential relationship because it WAS RIGHT?

After dinner we drove or walked over to Rick's Dessert Diner and got a piece of Key Lime Pie to share and a couple of glasses of milk. It was my first time there and it was good, but my anxiety was palpable. In retrospect, I wonder how much I pushed him away with this problem of mine. It was my first time dating someone in 5 years and I was scared. It was hard for me.

Everything about him bothered me. He had this "aw"/growly noise he would make- an empathic noise, and he made it constantly this night and it drove me insane. He also kept complimenting me and I could not handle it. He told me how pretty and funny and beautiful and smart I was. It made me incredibly uncomfortable and I told him so. Looking back, I think I could not accept those wonderful, sweet, endearing things he was feeling because I was unsure of my feelings. I didn't want to accept things I wasn't sure I deserved. Later on, when I was sure of my feelings, I very much wanted to hear those things. But that night, it was almost painful. It was really difficult for me to understand my own reactions and feelings. I had to talk out what happened this night with a lot of people because it was so difficult for me. I felt very badly about how I treated him. And I apologized a lot.

After we ate we started walking and I asked if we could keep on walking and that made me feel better. He tried to stop and kiss me under this beautiful little enclave of flowering vines but I pulled away from him. I apologized but I just wasn't feeling myself and I said so. He stuck with it though, we walked and walked and walked and slowly my body released the tension. We got into his car and drove back to where my car was parked on T Street and he parked behind me. We sat in the car talking for a bit. As our conversation got more in depth I finally unbuckled my seat belt, turned and moved his arm around me and snuggled into him. It felt nice. And safe.  We ended up talking for hours.

At some point we turned and faced each other and  he held my hand and he leaned in to kiss me again and I let him this time. That time, it felt safe, and good and right. So right in fact we ended up making out in his car, on T Street under a street light until 4 o'clock in the morning. We steamed up all the windows in his car.

I wanted to die.

At a couple of different times pedestrians walked by and I ducked down in humiliation, OMG they know what we are doing here- WHAT ARE WE TEENAGERS?!

He just laughed.

Neither of us wanted anything to progress beyond kissing, and therefore, we didn't want to go to each other's houses, and therefore, that left us with the option of his front seat, which was public and awkward. I ended up with bruises all over my sides from leaning on the center console. It was hilarious, fun, and embarrassing all at once.

The one thing that night did though, was take away my nervousness. I knew I wanted to be with him. It was a really hard night for me, but it helped.

Second Date with Daniel at One Speed Pizza!

For my second date with Daniel, on Thursday, I was pretty nervous also. We had spent all of Wednesday texting while I was at a photoshoot for a newborn baby in the bay area- and he was actually in the bay area that night at a SF Giants game that night! We snapchatted back and forth, and texted constantly. It was great, and we kept up on each other's day and got to see a little bit of each other's work too!

Thursday I think our date was around 6:00pm at this high end pizza place called One Speed where his cousin Chris works. When I got to the restaurant I got a little nervous because it was a lot nicer than I expected it to be, and I was wearing shorts! So I was grateful at least my top was nice. (Purchased in Munich, I think. A gauzy peach if I remember right, but I'm not sure.) I had white shorts and sandals on though, I'm pretty sure. Daniel was dressed up from work again, with his now customary leather jacket, button down shirt and a tie. We greeted each other with a hug, I think and went inside and got a seat by the window. It was the perfect place to sit and they were ready to seat us right away. I think he had made a reservation too. He was very slick about the whole thing and I felt really special on this whole date. His cousin wasn't on shift that day, but apparently had made some kind of arrangement and Daniel texted him when we got there, and Chris had our waitress comp us pate crostini... It was beautiful, very expensive, and delicious. Unfortunately, I am terrified of food like that, and Daniel already knew that about me. As the crostini sat on the table, I could literally see him doing the back and forth with his eyes from the plate to the menu, trying to figure out what it was while I was talking. It was pretty funny and I tried not to notice. I had already decided I was going to eat at least one no matter what it was because it was so sweet of his cousin, but I was pretty sure that wasn't bean paste on that damn piece of bread.

Finally I addressed it and we figured it out and agreed it was pate, and he said something like, You're not going to eat it, are you? And I said yes I was, it was just going to take awhile! And It was delicious, and the balsamic reduction on top was very good, and I would even eat it again! But I only made it through one. Daniel got the other three. Ha.

Very shortly after being seated I looked up and realized Daniel had flamingos on his tie! So adorable! I loved this so much the next time he wore it I made him send me a picture.

I adored this tie!

We shared a beautiful pizza, which was a special of the evening and Daniel ordered a bottle Prosecco. It was perfect. It could not have been more perfect. The waitress kept coming by to check on us but we were so busy talking we couldn't be interrupted. :)


Since we didn't get to get ice cream at Gunther's on our first date, Daniel really wanted to make sure we got it on our second, so we walked over to Burr's Soda Fountain afterwards and he said I could pay for the ice cream cones. He got s simple flavor, like pistachio or something (I might be mixing this up with a later date) and I got a fancy cherry chocolate chip thing. Before I could get out my money he had already paid though and I gave him a flirty stink eye. He had literally just promised to let me pay. He had paid our whole (very expensive) dinner tab so I wanted to do something. But he just smiled and let his beautiful blue eyes twinkle at me.

We took our cones and decided to walk over to East Portal Park to explore for a bit. We walked a block or so and finally his hand found it's way to my hand and I breathed a sigh of relief. It's like... it's like that was where it belonged and it should have been there all along. Just about as soon as he did it he said, "And.... now we are holding hands!" Like it was a little triumph for him. :)

We found a bench and sat and talked for a long time. More than an hour at least. I told him deep personal things, and he told me deep personal things. It was a heavy conversation, but at the same time it was very comfortable and safe. I kind of think we went to the park because he wanted to kiss me, but the conversation was so deep it wasn't quite the right time yet. We ended up walking around the perimeter of the park and I showed him the house I lived in in college and a local LDS church that I had always admired that had beautiful hydrangea bushes growing around it. We walked past a little florist shop and peered in the windows and he said he might need to buy me flowers some day. I said, "Boys always say that..." And let my voice trail off. Because they never follow through! He laughed and said he actually might do it, and for a second I almost believed him.

We headed back to the restaurant and he led me to where I parked. As we reached the street corner he stopped and said... I don't really want you to go yet. And I turned and looked up at him, probably rather innocently and said, well, what else can we do? It was 10:45pm. How about a movie?

So we jumped into his car and went to the theatre downtown and saw "The Intern," with Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNiero. Definitely a chick flick, but tolerable for men. Daniel kept his arm around me the whole film, and held my hand, rubbing his thumb around my thumb. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but I didn't want him to do it in the theatre, so I very deliberately kept my face turned away. I can't recall now when he said it, whether it was on the way to, or on the way home from the theatre that he said, "I AM going to kiss you though." And I blushed furiously. He drove me back to my car after 1:30am I think, and we held hands in the car. It felt good. He parked behind me and walked me to my car but... He left headlights on! As we got out I said, "Your headlights!" And he said, something about it's because the car's power was on or some nonsense-but I knew what was coming next, and I didn't want the whole neighborhood to have a show when he walked me to my door! By the time we got there (just a few steps) I was pretty nervous and he hugged me, and I hissed again, "your headlights!" and he said, do you want me to turn them off? And I said, no, it's too late now! And then he just sort of smiled and he leaned in and kissed me.

It was good. But I'll tell you.

His beard smelled a tid bit like the fancy cheese from the pizza. ;)

First Date with Daniel at Pangea and the Hideaway

After I got back from Europe, I puttered around a couple of weeks, went on a few terrible dates (some of which I will go back and blog because they were so terrible) and then signed up for eHarmony.

My friend Angie met her husband on eHarmony two years ago and literally got married Labor day weekend. I signed up right around that time. I initiated conversations with a few people when a bearded law student caught my eye. He was just my type! Beyond being a law student, he already had a master's degree, was just as dedicated to traveling and adventuring as I was, wanted a family, liked animals, and dreamed of settling down. It seemed perfect. He hailed from the east coast but was pretty committed to Northern California. As I have said many times before- I don't really care where I settle, I'm happy to follow someone, but as I just got into a rental and dating takes time, I'd like to date someone who isn't going to immediately move after they take the bar exam, and then present distance issues in our relationship unless we have already committed by then. So this was all fantastic. On paper, all looked good and he really came off strongly that his "cab light was on," and he was seriously looking for THAT relationship- you know, THE ONE.

It took about ten days to get through the whole "audition" process eHarmony puts you through, and then we got to exchange lengthy emails with each other. Even from our short answers to each other though, it felt very promising. The right answers were coming through. This serious tone kept coming off on both ends, but I think that's just how eHarmony primes you. They mean business, and they want you to take things seriously and to give thoughtful answers. By the time we got to be able to write free-flowing emails, it was like a relief! Daniel did write in his first message to me, that I was able to make him laugh, despite the serious tone though on those essay answers! :)

We exchanges letters for a few days, and then Daniel gave me his number and asked me out. He initially tried to ask me to dinner, but I requested we keep it casual, just in case one of us turned out to be a serial killer. He said he was pretty sure he could trust me, but we could keep it to just coffee or drinks if that was better. He sent me his phone number, and I texted him. And that started days and days of non-stop texting. from early in the morning to late at night we were texting each other all day.

We texted each other about everything under the sun, from our backgrounds and childhoods to our hopes and dreams and life plans. Daniel told me right off the bat he wanted to be married in the next couple of years and laid out a sort of rough plan, assuming he met the right person. Before we even met, I could feel the momentum building and burning. We had a LOT of chemistry and that was apparent even just texting. I said many times, we should probably stop texting because we are going to run out of things to talk about on this date! And Daniel said more than once, no... we aren't.

Our first date was Tuesday, September 29th at 4:30pm at Pangea, a little restaurant/bar in south Sacramento across the street from an ice cream shop my dad used to bike to as a kid.

Here I am in the car, hyperventilating, right before the date. I was freaked out because I was so nervous it wouldn't live up to my expectations- or maybe that it actually would.

I couldn't even get myself to take a nice smiling picture because I was SO NERVOUS. And yes, I recycled my outfit from the bad date the week before, but that's because I really liked that top! I did take my sweater off and put it in my purse until later though.

When I walked into Pangea, Daniel was already there, facing away from the door, but I knew him right away because the bar was pretty empty, and he is very tall. Also, I could just tell it was him. My body could tell it was him. It felt magnetic. He had on a leather jacket and was wearing his glasses, a long sleeved button down shirt and a tie. The first thing I noticed was probably him, himself, and then the jacket (which looked nice), as a means of recognizing him and when he turned, his eyes caught me immediately. They were stunning and caught the light. The brightest, happiest shade of blue I've ever seen in my life. They made me immediately smile at the time and they make me smile thinking about it now. As soon as he said "Hello," I knew this wasn't going to be a repeat of the bad date from the week before. You know when you can just tell things?

We walked up to the counter together and talked about the beers on tap. We have very similar tastes in beer so it was easy to converse about it, and it was comfortable right away. He offered to treat and I let him. I knew that HE knew this was a good sign right away because I had already told him about my bad date the week before and that I wouldn't let a bad date pay for my drinks- I didn't think it was fair. He was pleased right off the bat that I let him pay and we walked together to a cute little table outside with great street atmosphere.

This is where we stayed. For the next... I don't know how many hours. This date was supposed to be for A beer after he got off work. We sipped on that first beer for it must have been 3-4 hours. It was an extremely long time. When it became clear that we really weren't anywhere close to being done talking yet and were still having SO much fun talking with each other, he asked if we should get another round and I went and got the second round of beer, which we slowly sipped on because we were too busy talking to really care what we were doing. Then all of a sudden, it was dark. This was in September. So it didn't get dark until like 8pm. We sat on that patio forever. It was like no time had passed at all. It was effortless. When I spent time with Luke back in July and I connected with him, it felt special... but that was nothing in comparison to this. Afterwards Daniel called it like a lightning bolt and I can see what he means by that. I've never had an experience like it in all my years of dating. Not with anybody. Not even with my ex partners. It was... Magic.

 

This was the photo I sent my friend on the off chance he murdered me during the date. (Kidding.) But I sent it of the two of us... because we looked so cute together.

 

When we looked up and realized it was dark, Daniel asked me to dinner. I said yes. So we walked up the street, side by side but not holding hands to a little divebar he loves called the Hideaway. It was like walking into a time machine. People wore retro clothing and music played from a jut box (I think) and I felt like I had walked into the 50's. It was so awesome. We ordered at the bar- and Daniel paid again, and I had the most amazing Philly Cheese Steak sandwich with blue cheese crumbles and an aioli sauce. It was AMAZING. We loiter another hour or so before Daniel said, I better hurry- if this date went bad, I had been saying I was going to console myself with ice cream afterwards at Gunther's, and they might be closing soon. I giggled and said he could join me. So At 10:45pm we hustled out of the Hideaway and dashed down the street to Gunther's. The employee inside the locked building gave us the most empathic look when she saw us rush up to the closed store. At that point, we had been hanging out, for literally SIX AND A HALF HOURS. But now, everything was closed. It was a Tuesday. A work night. A school night. It was late. Daniel rather reluctantly walked me to my car. we giggled about how long the date had gone on. I think he hugged me. At that point I got pretty scared he was going to kiss me and was pretty relieved he didn't. We said goodbye and I went home SO PUMPED and excited about the whole thing. Best first date of my life. Hands down.  All we did on that date was talk and connect with each other. We told stories and got to know each other and seriously could not get enough. He was cuter than his pictures, so handsome and just, adorable really. I was so excited.

How could you ever top that?!

When I got home that night afterwards!

The terrible, no good, Oakland Date with the drink stealer

So I had this photo shoot in Oakland.

And I had this guy I had been writing emails to who lived in the area. The emails were kind of boring, but hey, I'm open. You never know who might be awesome in person right? Plus, I was bored.

So I asked the guy out. I think his name was Anthony.

I went and did my photo shoot, and kept Anthony up to date on my whereabouts. His texts were sadly just as boring as his emails. There was nothing really wrong with either per se, just not particularly peppy...

I got dressed up pretty cute, did my make up nicely, and took a selfie. Cute right?

As soon as I get about half a block away from the bar I think... AWW CRAP.

The guy is standing outside the bar (that he picked) and immediately there are a number of problems. I know it's him- he's clearly waiting for me, but he looks NOTHING like his photos. He's at least 50 pounds heavier, furrier, dressed badly and seems to have some kind of body tick.

As I get closer, and reach out to shake his band, he opens his mouth to speak... and he's something is wrong there too. He speaks oddly like he's slow or off or something. The emails are now explained.

AWW MAN!

I'm not going to ditch the poor guy, but I'm definitely not going to let him pay for anything or order food. He must know it's over already too though because I'm already carrying the entire conversation, which is annoying when I'm making an actual effort. I'm disappointed to see the drinks are expensive and the service slow.

I very pointedly walk to the bar separately from him to order, and volunteer to pay for my own drink. I very purposefully step away from him so it will be clear to the barback that we will be paying separately. This is bar custom. The bar is empty. It should be obvious. I order.

I step back and hand her my card.

The awkward man who catfished me into this uncomfortable date over an hour from my home suddenly becomes light on his feet and steps closer to me, gestures from me to him as if to say, "Put my drink on her tab" and the barback immediatey runs his drink ON MY TAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was livid. I ended up with a $22 bar tab for the two drinks because he ordered a $15 cocktail. When the waitress brought me the single receipt back he feigned confusion and limply offered to pay me for it- or to buy the next round, which I decidedly declined.

Unfortunately, I had to sip my way through my drink, but once it flipped over to a Karaoke Bar I guzzled it and bailed for the door. Once my rude date began to get excited- apparently this was planned- I had to get out of there. He sort of shouted at me as I ran across the street that he'd like to take me out again, and, not looking at him, I said, Mmmhmmmm BYE!

Angie's Lake Tahoe Wedding

My good friend Angie, who I have known for at least 3-4 years now, and met at the dog park during my low point post-Matt got married Labor Day weekend in Tahoe! I didn't get to be here through much of her planning process, but I recommended some of her vendors to her and helped her find her venue so that was fun to be a part of it in that way! She was so kind to invite me with a plus 1, but I wasn't dating anyone or anything at the time, so I just went solo. Luckily Angie has talked about her friends plenty over the years and I knew a bit about all of the people my age who were there and made some friends! She met her husband on eHarmony right after I moved to Oregon, so I basically missed the entire dating process and I only met him once, right after they started dating, so that was a big bummer. I wish I knew him better! But she loves him and was super happy so I'm happy for them! This was the first wedding I had attended solely as a guest, and not working at all since... 2008 or so? I originally though it was much earlier but I recalled I attended my cousin's wedding in Connecticut in Hartford and Niantic a few years ago, and I think that was the last wedding I attended! It was definitely odd just being a guest, but I enjoyed it!


My wedding gift was a love lock I brought back from Prague, and then hand painted in her wedding colors!

 I dressed in bright colors because that's what Angie loves!

 The cheese table about killed me. I hit my lowest weight on this day and promptly gained like 5 pounds and didn't lose it for like 3 weeks.

 Love giant jenga! But just a note, if you paint the pieces, they get sticky!

 The ceremony was supposed to be by the water... Which is supposed to be where I am standing. This is how much the drought has effected California! All of this should be underwater. The lake was at least 100 yards shy of the ceremony site.

 We might have raided the honeymoon suite....