Day Trip to Point Reyes & Marin French Cheese Company!

My favorite place on Earth is the Marin French Cheese Company! I used to picnic there as a little girl and would visit with my mom after we moved away. I've taken a couple of girlfriends to visit there over the years, but to my recollection, I've never taken a man there. A week after we went to the Hideout, Daniel and I went adventuring to the cheese factory and over to Point Reyes!

First we did the 90 minute or so drive to Novato, which was lovely, and splurged on cheesy goodness. We had a cheese picnic lunch out on the lawn and had it's it' for desert, a tradition!

 Giant wheel of brie!

 An old beagle I thought looked just like Charlie!

Chocolate It's it! Daniel had Cappuccino, his favorite!

Then we headed up the road to Cowgirl creamery, and checked a few things out. I think we each found a small thing to splurge on here, but it wasn't nearly as cool as Marin French and we were somewhat disappointed, as I usually find I am with other cheese favorites. The town it was in was cute and charming though!

Next up was an adorable little drive through the town of Inverness, which we talked about maybe doing an overnight trip to someday, which I loved. I loved daydreaming with Daniel. I got very excited about this prospect!

It was about an hour drive from here to Point Reyes on curvy roads. I had to remind Daniel to slow down a bit here or there, because I get car sick so easily but it was a nice drive and so lovely!
For some reason Daniel got a little out of it. He seemed down, and we talked about how he felt there were some red flags in our relationship. He was worried about how I was worried about his tattoos and the fact I disliked motorcycles and he didn't want me to compromise to much. But like I told him, these were things I had deeply evaluated before getting involved with him, and he was worth it to me.! I knew this was a match and was very excited to be with him. I just needed time to continue to get used to these things and it would work out. I got teary eyed talking about how excited I was about our relationship and he said he would try to trust my judgment. It was a bit of an emotive conversation for the car, and in retrospect it felt a bit like it came out of nowhere- like he was overthinking things and I didn't quite understand this. I really just wanted to enjoy the day and it was a great day! He seemed a bit down overall.

We saw a ton of Elk on the drive!

And finally we made it to Point Reyes Lighthouse!

Stole this one from Daniel! We stod at the quiet litle nook for a litle bit and just talked for a bit. It was beautiful, but I wish he was more willing to take advantage of the privacy! (I needed some more smooches!)

That's my Daniel, all introverted and moody.

This sign was such a lie!!

Then we headed on the long road back home. I tried to get a picture of us together but Daniel was in a bit of a funny mod and made a face when I asked so I dropped it. Overall it was a wonderful day though, we had great conversations, and I was so delighted to share some really special places with him. When he said god night to me that night, he thanked me for the wonderful date, "Emily darling," a phrase I really really adore!

Fancy Dinner Date with Daniel!

I finally got to go to The Rind with Daniel! So exciting. This is my favorite restaurant in Sacramento- all cheese and wine focused and I just adore it! We walked over from his house to the beautiful candle lit restaurant around 6 o'clock on Friday. I wore my favorite navy blue romper- which confused the heck out of Daniel. He didn't quite know what to make of my outfit! I wanted to wear high heels but since we were walking I switched into flats, which made me sad. But I still looked cute!

Day Trip to the HideOut & Apple Hill

Sunday October 11th, Daniel and I set aside most of the day together to drive up to Placerville to go to Apple Hill check out the fall-ish stuff, and then drive up to the HideOut to meet the Hoover's and take some property photos for them.

Apple Hill turned out to be crowded, busy, chaotic and a major disappointment. The only thing that really pleased me about the trip was that Daniel was delighted I was willing to kiss me in public. Apparently this was a rare quality in other people he had dated. This just made me want to kiss him more.

After Apple Hill we back tracked a tad down to Old Town Placerville to a farm to fork restaurant that I think was called Farm to Table. It had terribly slow service, but was owned by a friend's sort of boyfriend's family so I wanted to check it out. The food was good- Daniel had a pate sandwich, and I had a pumpkin squash sandwich. Delicious!

Daniel was majorly excited by all the fancy meats in their fridge case and was dying to buy a bunch of it to bring back, but we were going to be gone all day so he couldn't. He was slightly tortured by the whole thing. It was kind of funny. After that we headed onwards to the long drive to the HideOut!

The HideOut is roughly an hour from Placeville on backroads that you speed on. You never see any other cars and it's just striking views the whole way. It's gorgeous. Once you get to the final turnoff, it's 2 miles on dirt roads before you finally see the gorgeous cabin.

The HideOut is a place where, if I was going to get married, where I would do it. But, having had a lot of time to reflect on this the last few years... I really don't want a wedding. I am good with a party to celebrate afterwards, but I don't want a wedding. I want to elope. Somewhere fantastic, granted, like another country, but I don't want a wedding. It's too formal and it's just not me. Daniel felt the same way, but he also knew I was taking him somewhere special that IS where I would want to get married, should I have a wedding. We talked about it the whole way there and off and on that day. It was really intimate.

Once we got there we couldn't find the owners so we just wandered around and took property photos instead.

 

 

And some fun ones too. I just loved taking these!

 

This last picture was the one I put on my instagram account. It was my way of "coming out," and saying I was dating someone, without really saying so. We had been going out for just two weeks! (Plus two weeks of writing letters before that.) But we were both really excited and this was clearly the beginning of something really special and I loved it. I loved that the photo was sneaky and clever and all subtext with no direct and obvious meaning.

Later on, now that I am writing this, it makes my heart ache, because it was the only photo we took together. I would have given anything for a photo of us together. I wish there was more. With all my heart I wish there was more.

Sacramento Drive in Theatre date with Daniel!

Thursday, October 8th, about a week and a half into dating!

At this point, we were supposed to just be having date nights.. But it wasn't exactly going that way. We were seeing each other every single day, under some excuse, pretense or another.

Tuesday of this week I had to have my landlord and some workmen come over and replace the fence for an entire side of my property- an all day job. I wasn't going to be home for most of the work, but there was a two hour window where I would be home and these strange men would be in the backyard. It triggered my anxiety and a bit of my PTSD and I was really uncomfortable being home alone with these guys in the backyard. Monday night (the day after our "parking" date) I spent an hour or two in the backyard breaking down my moving boxes and cleaning up the yard. Daniel called (first call ever!) and offered to come help me, but I said it was okay. I wasn't quite ready for him to come over to my house yet. I sort of wanted everything to be pristine. But the next morning, with the workmen there, I just wanted some comfort, and when he offered to swing by in between class and heading to work, I couldn't resist. So he came over to give me a hug. I was getting ready to shoot a wedding up at the HideOut, near Lake Tahoe, and was getting ready to go, but was so nervous. I gave him the address and he came by all ready to work. He stood in my kitchen and just hugged me. Hard. He never pulled away. He just let me be held by him. For a long time. It was just the best. He already knew my whole history, and he was just there, ready and willing to support me in this little hiccup I was having, and it was so sweet and dear. I really appreciated it. So much. It was embarrassing to an extent, but also, just what I needed too. When we talked about this moment later, he told me that moment of standing in the kitchen, holding me while I was distressed was the moment he first felt real feelings for me. Our first date was like a lightning bolt for him, but this moment of seeing me vulnerable- this is when it was real for him.

 I walked him out the back door so he could peep over the fence and see my big backyard, and I kissed him- hard- but quickly, out of the view of the workmen on my back step before sending him off to work. And then I finished getting ready for work and headed out too!

My yard with the fence down!

I don't remember if we saw each other Wednesday- I think he might have had a school event based on the dates, but it wouldn't be surprising if he came over that night afterwards. Either Tuesday after the wedding he came over or Wednesday he did, I am sure of it. We were already having this tendency to do that. Just come over to each other's houses to just see and check in with each other. This was totally new to me- I hadn't had this in other relationships and it was really exciting. I loved it.
Thursday was the next date of our actual real, planed on date! We weren't supposed to see each other the other days, ha!

This was such a fun date, I LOVED it! I drove over to Daniel's house about 6:30pm and we took his car over to the Drive In over in Rancho Cordova. The movies started at 7:00pm  I think. Maybe 7:30pm!

We took Daniel's Volkswagen stationwagen and he put down the back seats so it was nice and flat back there.  He brought pillows and I brought a my big peach quilt and he parked the car backwards and then we got popcorn and hot dogs (and I brought a bottle of wine and some beer) and we settled down for the double feature! The first movie was Everest, and the second was Martian. The first movie I don't remember a ton about- I think we were talking off and on, and we were focused on the storyline. We talked about possibly climbing Kilimanjaro together. It's not that difficult a hike apparently and not so dangerous. We both love adventure- just lack people to adventure with! I loved having this conversation with him. It so endeared  him to me.

For Martian we had to move the car to another screen and got stuck behind some high schoolers, who were SUPER annoying. They were loud, they asked us if they could smoke weed, and were just super obnoxious. We both got really annoyed and decided to just give it back to them, so Daniel started making loud comments like we were getting it on in the back of the stationwagen and the kids kept  turning around freaked out like we were doing it back there- and then I would laugh hysterically. We cuddled and made out, laughed and held hands and teased the kids (and yelled at them) and it was an amazing date. At one point I had kind of gotten a little drunk on the wine- or was just so giddy from laughing for so long I just couldn't get rid of my giggles and then he couldn't stop laughing at me. It was amazing. It was the most amazing night, under the stars with this great, fun person I loved being with. I think it was mutually our favorite date. We both wanted to go back but we never made it. I so wish we had. This is such an awesome memory to me.

That time we went Parking on T Street

Sunday, October 4th, Ernesto's, Rick's Dessert Diner and a Neighborhood Walk- Oh and Parking on T Street.

I was so nervous when I took this picture. I remember I sent it to Connor saying I was freaked out. I think this was the first time I wore my new size 4 jeans too!
 

 Daniel had gone camping with the Environmental Law Society (ELS) at Spicier Meadows for the weekend, but got back in time to take me out on a date! As soon as he got back he texted and out we went!

Our third date for whatever reason I had this massive wave of anxiety wash over me. I called my friend Sarah on the way over and asked if I should kiss him when I greeted him and she said no- wait until the end of the date. I was completely freaking out. I think because I knew this was a relationship and it was a match and I hadn't felt that way in a long, long, LONG time. Daniel and I connected on this deep emotional level that I can barely even articulate and it felt overwhelming.

We were having dinner at Ernesto's downtown and planned on dessert afterwards somewhere too, probably Rick's Dessert Diner. I parked my car around the corner and felt the huge wave of anxiety envelope my body and tried to shake it off. Daniel was waiting in the enclave just inside the restaurant and initially we just hugged, and he hesitated a second and then he said, "Oh just screw it, " and went in to kiss me- and I immediately pulled back. Sarah had JUST told me not to let him kiss me into the end of the date and that comment coupled with my anxiety was too much for me to just embrace the moment. His sad little face with the immediate "Aww" though, was too much to bear and I tried to shake off my nervousness that I didn't really understand and leaned in and kissed him.

This was the first date I saw his tattoos- something that had been a source of anxiety for me going into this. He has them, and wants more, and I as a rule have always hated them. We weren't quite sure how this would work but he was trying to wean me in slowly into this part of his life because it was important to him. He had rolled up his sleeves for this date so I could see a little bit of his artwork, so although I had seen it in pictures, it would be my first time seeing it in person.

All through dinner I could just feel myself putting up walls and pulling back harder and harder and I didn't know why. Was it because this wasn't a match? Or because I was carrying my own baggage and fears into this potential relationship because it WAS RIGHT?

After dinner we drove or walked over to Rick's Dessert Diner and got a piece of Key Lime Pie to share and a couple of glasses of milk. It was my first time there and it was good, but my anxiety was palpable. In retrospect, I wonder how much I pushed him away with this problem of mine. It was my first time dating someone in 5 years and I was scared. It was hard for me.

Everything about him bothered me. He had this "aw"/growly noise he would make- an empathic noise, and he made it constantly this night and it drove me insane. He also kept complimenting me and I could not handle it. He told me how pretty and funny and beautiful and smart I was. It made me incredibly uncomfortable and I told him so. Looking back, I think I could not accept those wonderful, sweet, endearing things he was feeling because I was unsure of my feelings. I didn't want to accept things I wasn't sure I deserved. Later on, when I was sure of my feelings, I very much wanted to hear those things. But that night, it was almost painful. It was really difficult for me to understand my own reactions and feelings. I had to talk out what happened this night with a lot of people because it was so difficult for me. I felt very badly about how I treated him. And I apologized a lot.

After we ate we started walking and I asked if we could keep on walking and that made me feel better. He tried to stop and kiss me under this beautiful little enclave of flowering vines but I pulled away from him. I apologized but I just wasn't feeling myself and I said so. He stuck with it though, we walked and walked and walked and slowly my body released the tension. We got into his car and drove back to where my car was parked on T Street and he parked behind me. We sat in the car talking for a bit. As our conversation got more in depth I finally unbuckled my seat belt, turned and moved his arm around me and snuggled into him. It felt nice. And safe.  We ended up talking for hours.

At some point we turned and faced each other and  he held my hand and he leaned in to kiss me again and I let him this time. That time, it felt safe, and good and right. So right in fact we ended up making out in his car, on T Street under a street light until 4 o'clock in the morning. We steamed up all the windows in his car.

I wanted to die.

At a couple of different times pedestrians walked by and I ducked down in humiliation, OMG they know what we are doing here- WHAT ARE WE TEENAGERS?!

He just laughed.

Neither of us wanted anything to progress beyond kissing, and therefore, we didn't want to go to each other's houses, and therefore, that left us with the option of his front seat, which was public and awkward. I ended up with bruises all over my sides from leaning on the center console. It was hilarious, fun, and embarrassing all at once.

The one thing that night did though, was take away my nervousness. I knew I wanted to be with him. It was a really hard night for me, but it helped.

Second Date with Daniel at One Speed Pizza!

For my second date with Daniel, on Thursday, I was pretty nervous also. We had spent all of Wednesday texting while I was at a photoshoot for a newborn baby in the bay area- and he was actually in the bay area that night at a SF Giants game that night! We snapchatted back and forth, and texted constantly. It was great, and we kept up on each other's day and got to see a little bit of each other's work too!

Thursday I think our date was around 6:00pm at this high end pizza place called One Speed where his cousin Chris works. When I got to the restaurant I got a little nervous because it was a lot nicer than I expected it to be, and I was wearing shorts! So I was grateful at least my top was nice. (Purchased in Munich, I think. A gauzy peach if I remember right, but I'm not sure.) I had white shorts and sandals on though, I'm pretty sure. Daniel was dressed up from work again, with his now customary leather jacket, button down shirt and a tie. We greeted each other with a hug, I think and went inside and got a seat by the window. It was the perfect place to sit and they were ready to seat us right away. I think he had made a reservation too. He was very slick about the whole thing and I felt really special on this whole date. His cousin wasn't on shift that day, but apparently had made some kind of arrangement and Daniel texted him when we got there, and Chris had our waitress comp us pate crostini... It was beautiful, very expensive, and delicious. Unfortunately, I am terrified of food like that, and Daniel already knew that about me. As the crostini sat on the table, I could literally see him doing the back and forth with his eyes from the plate to the menu, trying to figure out what it was while I was talking. It was pretty funny and I tried not to notice. I had already decided I was going to eat at least one no matter what it was because it was so sweet of his cousin, but I was pretty sure that wasn't bean paste on that damn piece of bread.

Finally I addressed it and we figured it out and agreed it was pate, and he said something like, You're not going to eat it, are you? And I said yes I was, it was just going to take awhile! And It was delicious, and the balsamic reduction on top was very good, and I would even eat it again! But I only made it through one. Daniel got the other three. Ha.

Very shortly after being seated I looked up and realized Daniel had flamingos on his tie! So adorable! I loved this so much the next time he wore it I made him send me a picture.

I adored this tie!

We shared a beautiful pizza, which was a special of the evening and Daniel ordered a bottle Prosecco. It was perfect. It could not have been more perfect. The waitress kept coming by to check on us but we were so busy talking we couldn't be interrupted. :)


Since we didn't get to get ice cream at Gunther's on our first date, Daniel really wanted to make sure we got it on our second, so we walked over to Burr's Soda Fountain afterwards and he said I could pay for the ice cream cones. He got s simple flavor, like pistachio or something (I might be mixing this up with a later date) and I got a fancy cherry chocolate chip thing. Before I could get out my money he had already paid though and I gave him a flirty stink eye. He had literally just promised to let me pay. He had paid our whole (very expensive) dinner tab so I wanted to do something. But he just smiled and let his beautiful blue eyes twinkle at me.

We took our cones and decided to walk over to East Portal Park to explore for a bit. We walked a block or so and finally his hand found it's way to my hand and I breathed a sigh of relief. It's like... it's like that was where it belonged and it should have been there all along. Just about as soon as he did it he said, "And.... now we are holding hands!" Like it was a little triumph for him. :)

We found a bench and sat and talked for a long time. More than an hour at least. I told him deep personal things, and he told me deep personal things. It was a heavy conversation, but at the same time it was very comfortable and safe. I kind of think we went to the park because he wanted to kiss me, but the conversation was so deep it wasn't quite the right time yet. We ended up walking around the perimeter of the park and I showed him the house I lived in in college and a local LDS church that I had always admired that had beautiful hydrangea bushes growing around it. We walked past a little florist shop and peered in the windows and he said he might need to buy me flowers some day. I said, "Boys always say that..." And let my voice trail off. Because they never follow through! He laughed and said he actually might do it, and for a second I almost believed him.

We headed back to the restaurant and he led me to where I parked. As we reached the street corner he stopped and said... I don't really want you to go yet. And I turned and looked up at him, probably rather innocently and said, well, what else can we do? It was 10:45pm. How about a movie?

So we jumped into his car and went to the theatre downtown and saw "The Intern," with Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNiero. Definitely a chick flick, but tolerable for men. Daniel kept his arm around me the whole film, and held my hand, rubbing his thumb around my thumb. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but I didn't want him to do it in the theatre, so I very deliberately kept my face turned away. I can't recall now when he said it, whether it was on the way to, or on the way home from the theatre that he said, "I AM going to kiss you though." And I blushed furiously. He drove me back to my car after 1:30am I think, and we held hands in the car. It felt good. He parked behind me and walked me to my car but... He left headlights on! As we got out I said, "Your headlights!" And he said, something about it's because the car's power was on or some nonsense-but I knew what was coming next, and I didn't want the whole neighborhood to have a show when he walked me to my door! By the time we got there (just a few steps) I was pretty nervous and he hugged me, and I hissed again, "your headlights!" and he said, do you want me to turn them off? And I said, no, it's too late now! And then he just sort of smiled and he leaned in and kissed me.

It was good. But I'll tell you.

His beard smelled a tid bit like the fancy cheese from the pizza. ;)