I have been waiting for months, probably since last summer, with baited breath to find out what would happen to Matt. Now, I wouldn't actually ever find out what happened to him, but there's one thing I could do. Because he is an employee of the state, his salary is public record. You can look it up in the newspaper actually. I was hoping I would look it up and it would be like, $50,000 and then I would know he had been suspended or fired and that he had really gotten some sort of punnishment.
I texted a friend on the way to therapy and she said the info had been posted and she looked it up. No dice. He made over $120,000 last year, and it was only $300 less than the year before. No suspension, no firing, no punnishment of any kind.
During the interview I asked them what could possibly be done to him and they were not very specific, which was frustrating. They kept saying it "varied" but the only examples of reprimand they gave me was a letter in his file, suspension, or firing. The woman also said something about if one of their guys "needs help" they will make sure he gets it. She didn't elaborate on what that meant. Therapy maybe? What could that be? A mandated psychological evaluation to make sure he wasn't suicidal like he claimed to be? I know he got a letter in his file, but only because it was in the letter I received, and I think it's standard for any sort of complaint. Even if they had decided he was innocent I think it would have been put in there for record purposes.
So he got nothing. He is happily married, with his new baby, and working his dream job. While I sit here and rot. Yes, granted things may not be as they appear to be, but that's how it FEELS to me. He got to keep his life. I didn't. I lost my partner, and that, to me, was everything. It was my past, present and future and it was all gone now. He has everything he had before. No consequences. It's not fair.
I spent a good chunk of time crying in therapy about it today. I feel better now, but I don't think I will ever feel better about him getting away with it.
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7 comments:
Hi Emily, I was drawn to your blog via 'My Wrenched Brain' and although I'm not sure my comments will help much, I do have some things in common. IT's all about you. Not Emily but, you. There is you and your feelings and for me this is not what your saying or meaning to say. There has to be Emily. Somewhere Emily is there but not that I can see.
I know I don't explain too well. Midnight knows what I mean.
I guess I'm saying where's Emily gone? Your picture says it as well. You're looking back and not forward.
There's a wonderful song by Shirley Bassey called 'Performance'. At the moment this is you. I send you lots of hugs. Mart
Of COURSE! That's what major depressive disorder IS! I have both MDD and anxiety & panic disorder. So I live in the past and in the future. Not in the present. That's how it works. Emily's been gone for a long time. It's the nature of the disease.
Last night, I ran across a show where a woman was talking about discovering her husband was a sociopath - with multiple wives/children.
I thought about all that you have suffered because of a man like this. I'm really sorry to hear that he hasn't had repercussions at work, either...it seems *unlikely* (given how these sociopaths operate) that he has stopped being a predator.
You have probably already seen the lady's web site?
http://www.lovefraud.com/
So many things sounded like what you've been put through.
I'm just really sorry. Unfortunately, that doesn't do one thing to make it easier.
One of my friends ended up being targeted by a man like this. I think it's probably one of the worst things she's ever gone through. No wonder trust is so wrecked.
Thinking of you,
Cathy in Missouri
Seriously? That is ridiculous. I am so sorry. I can't imagine why they'd let him just get away with something like that.
I know you're angry that he got off so easily, but honestly, do you REALLY think he's got the perfect life? It may appear that way, but for someone to do what he did, his life couldn't have been perfect. And I'm sure it's not now either.
Cathy, thank you for your comments. They have meant a lot to me since you started posting. I wish I had some way to respond to you.
I did NOT know about the Love Fraud site and I cannot thank you enough! For the first time, I am not alone and that is priceless. Do you know what show it was that you were watching?
Sarah, your mind plays dirty tricks on you when you're depressed, and I think with women, when most of us the ultimate dream is a marriage and a home and family and you see someone living that- how can you NOT think they are living the perfect life? It's really hard. If I was married, had a new baby... I'd be over the moon, because the only circumstances in which I would ever consent to marriage and a family would have to be a life that was happy, contented, balanced, healthy.
Someone else doing it and consenting to being miserable is unimaginable to me. So trying to convince myself it ain't great is super hard.
Sorry, Emily - I am out of the loop, often, and didn't see these replies.
The show I was watching (Netflix + Severe Insomnia + Desperation) = Who the Bleep Did I Marry Season 1, Ep. 2 "Don Juan Down Under." It isn't some amazing series (as you can guess), but I did learn about the web site there & thought of you.
My email is pouzel {at} juno {dot} com. If it takes me a while to reply, you can be sure I'm not ignoring you...two people with heavy physical struggles in our house means not enough hours in the day. But I'll reply eventually...
Love,
Cathy in Missouri
P.S. There are two cats at our house and I wish there were 14. At least.
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