New Therapist

I said goodbye to Jamie, my therapist of 18 months about 10 days ago. She had called in sick her last week I was supposed to see her and I had to wait TWO WEEKS from when she was supposed to see me until I could actually see her. And I was supposed to get two more sessions and I only got one. (I am bitter about this, hence I must mention it. Maybe then I will stop being bitter? I got gypped!)

Anyway, I cried, and she got teary eyed at our last session and I gave her an engraved keychain. I'll have to look up the quote. I have one just like it on my keychain with a different quote. Mine says, "Be Brave enough to hold on to the hope that life will be beautiful again."

A couple months ago I was looking down at that keychain and just KNEW I needed to send it to my client who was widowed. I hurried and got it in the mail, and it turns out that it arrived within a day or two of her one year anniversary.  I also sent her something for her baby's room, who was born after she lost her husband. You can read their story by clicking on the "Help our Special Family" link on the sidebar.

Anyway, I gave Jamie the keychain and I asked if I could hug her (it felt incomplete walking out like she wanted to hug me, and I kind of wanted to, so finally I asked as I was walking out) and then we said goodbye. I cried hard in the car.

It is just so hard because she has been with me since the beginning. She knows my whole story, all of the ups and downs (well, more than most people know, maybe not all of it. I don't think any one knows all of it except Matt and I). and has always patiently listened to me. That means a lot. My family wouldn't do it. I had to pay someone to. That makes me sad. And miss her more.

So, yesterday I saw my new therapist, Julie for the first time. So far I like her. She does seem to have the same style as Jamie and I didn't find it difficult to talk to her. Actually I felt really needy having only been to therapy once in what, like 3 weeks? That's a long time for me. I think that's the longest I have gone without seeing anyone. I have been doing good, but stuff has been building up so I exploded a little in there. (Waterworks).

I see her again on Monday. Hopefully it keeps going good. I don't want to have to search for someone new and I know I really need this still. Actually, they keep reccomending EMDR therapy to me for the PTSD but I can't afford it... It should help me move along faster, it really should help with the panic attacks and nightmares and anxiety, but it's expensive. I'm not going to find anyone that will pro-rate it like my regular therapy. They've been reccomending it to me since like 2 weeks after I found out everything.

Pbbt.