Saying "Thank You," and my 4th Anniversary of Discovery

August 3rd, 2014 was the 4th anniversary of the day I found out about Matt. It seems so bizarre that it has been that long. Honestly, it still feels like it's only been months, or maybe a year. Not four.

I think my lack of perception on time really just indicates how much this has consumed my life these last few years. I also haven't really had much else to fill my life during that time. What other life events have punctuated the last 4 years? I got a dog with massive behavioral problems, so that was new... but I lived in the same house, at the same address, doing the same job for 3 of those years. It's only this last year, starting school and traveling so much that there has really been anything note-worthy happening in my life. Even the dog I got just a couple of months after exposing Matt, so his addition to my life wasn't really a huge separate event.

On my anniversary this year, I was shooting a wedding in Virgina. It was a good day, and I hardly thought about Matt at all because I was so nervous working. This was my first Deaf wedding and I had absurdly high expectations of myself and felt very insecure about my inability to communicate in a language I felt I should be fluent in. (Deaf Studies was my college minor.) The anxiety over surviving the wedding protected me pretty sufficiently from any upset I would have experienced over the significance of the day.

But of course, the universe couldn't let me get away with just that. (Or maybe *I* couldn't let the occasion pass with just that.)

Yesterday, I suddenly felt overcome with the thought that I needed to write a thank you letter to the woman who revealed to me that Matt was married. She is on my mind on a fairly regular basis because of her job (which is a public sort of thing,) and because she lived in the area I live in now. She's also the only connection I had to the reality that was Matt's real life. She told me EVERYTHING. And she did that with disregard to the consequences she could face by doing so. I have no idea what her experience was like, but my presumption was that the scandal made it's way around the family gossip at some point and she kept quiet about her involvement, even though she basically got a play by play from me of  what happened AS it happened, and then a re-cap afterwards. She and I discussed what I should do the day I went to tell S (wife), and mutually agreed that the only way for S to "hear" me was to tell her in person. This woman provided support via text and email as everything was happening and I have no doubt, prayed for me before, during and afterwards. She also told me that she had almost married the wrong man once and counseled me that the right person was out there for me, and that that person was not Matt. She also said she did not believe Matt was the right person for S either. I agree. She said we both deserved more and again, I agree.

Her words at such a significant moment in my life weighed heavily on me and have continued to.

So yesterday I wrote her a thank you note. I poured out my heart and shared with her the significance of her involvement and support at that time. It was something I felt I needed to do, and at this moment, I am glad I shared those thoughts with her.

That said, I don't know how wise of an idea it was. I haven't heard from this woman in 4 years. I have no idea what she went through on her end after everything blew up. I have no idea if Matt and S ever found out she was the one who ratted him out. I have no idea what consequences she may have endured. I also have no idea if she knows about the law suit, or what her thoughts or feelings would have been on that. I hope, above all else, receiving my note was not upsetting to her.

And hopefully nobody like, takes out a restraining order against me either. Considering that's probably what I would do, if she never responds I'll consider myself lucky.