On Knowing loss

This is a home that has known loss.

Known love.

Known happiness.

And become so fearful of experiencing that loss again, doesn't know if I could forge onward into the great unknown with that gamble on love again.

The pain doesn't really seem worth it.,

I have loved each of my partners so hard, and while I don't think we love any one person more or less, the love I have experienced with each successive partner has been richer, deeper and more fruitful. And more devastating.

I just don't know that I can sustain that loss again.

I am not a gambler.

I love hard.

I do not adapt to change well.

I am an evolving being, but part of me clings to the stagnant, because I so deeply desire stability. Even if that stagnates is uncomfortable and unsatisfying.

This is a home that has known loss.

But I don't know that it can accept any more.