Get off my Jock

I don't think anyone can really relate to the hardship of "moving on," or "letting go," unless they have truly experienced large, traumatic losses.

I have been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice from several friends who, if I share with them some of my processing, they will interject that "maybe it's time you move on."

This is the single most frustrating, irritating and over time, infuriating comment. What is it that you think I am doing? I write, I talk, I cry, I am traveling, and I am working on myself. I sat in therapy every week talking about all of this stuff. So what exactly about any of that doesn't meet YOUR judgmental view of "moving on"? Do I need to have sex with, have a relationship with or marry someone else? Because I find that to be absurd. Why is there so much judgment in the process of healing? Why can't each person just experience it at their own pace, and in their own way? Why do we need to project our own world view on other people? What benefit does this service to the healing person? Other than to feel judged? I carry with me so many nasty, hurtful, judgmental comments forced upon me by well meaning friends. They are not helpful. In fact, they can be debilitating.

I am assuming these people want me to become intimately involved with someone new. This is incongruent with my personal beliefs. I could not hold hands, kiss, or spend any kind of intimate time with someone I wasn't developing serious feelings for; or in love with. I've never gone beyond a first date with someone I wasn't seriously interested in or who didn't have solid potential. But, if I have said, I am as emotionally available as a tree stump... then how could I be open enough with someone knew to explore that potential, or frankly, to even recognize it? It's a little absurd. Also, I would never ever do to someone else what has been done to me. It's wrong. I'm not emotionally available. I'm working through my baggage. No relationships for me right now. Which means, none of those other things that come with that. I need to be alone, or to move slowly. Just because your post relationship processing looks different than mine does not mean I am not working through it. It means we are different people with different values. Which is fine! I don't date for the sake of dating. That is wildly uncomfortable for me. I believe in dating with a purpose. Without that purpose, I feel lost. I see no point. I'm just wasting everyone's time otherwise.

So please, people who don't even read this blog... Get off my jock.