Meet me on Monday

1. What is your favorite bagel flavor?

When I nannyed for my first set of identical twins, Emily Nicole and Grace Kathleen, their mom used to buy Jalepeno bagels (not jalepeno cheese, and not the kind of jalepeno with the sliced rings all over the top- not tacky-ish... these were SOPHISTICATED Jalapeno bagels!) from somewhere that were SO GOOD! They were a little spicy, but not so spicy that the babies couldn't have them. I would toast it for them with real butter and OH MY was it SO GOOD. I still remember how good those were and I used to hope the girls wouldn't eat them so I could have them. SO GOOD. AH! I have looked high and low for those darn bagels but I have never been able to find them anywhere. I think they were Rayley's brand, but the Rayley's by my house doesn't carry them. I don't know if I have ever gone hunting for them at the Rayley's she used to shop at but maybe I should try that... It's been years and years... those babies are well through elementry school now, but WOW those suckers were GOOD!

**Edited to add** I used to like to take the butter and the cream cheese and mix it all together and then spread it on the bagel piping hot out of the toaster so it would all melt together and be nice and gooey. Because if you just put the cream cheese straight on there alot of times it still stays cold, but if you whip it together with the butter, the little fat moelcules spread out everywhere and the whole thing just melts and goo-i-fies. Oooooh, it is so good. Try it. It's naughty!

2. If you had an extra $100 right now, what would you spend it on?

I'm boring. I'm a money hoarder and I would put it in my bank account and save it, or put it towards bills or student loan debt.

3. What is the last thing that you felt guilt about doing?

I did a photoshoot in Livermore today, and on the way home I drove through Stockton, and I don't know if I am just blind and never noticed in the 100 other times I have driven through Stockton, or if it's new, but I noticed a KRISPY KREME sign as I was driving home on the freeway, and I got off at the next exit, flipped a U, got back on the freeway, and marched right in there and bought a piping hot box of a dozen glazed doughnuts. WHY DID I DO THAT?  The only other time or place I have had Krispy Kreme in my life is in Utah because we don't have a store in Sacramento anymore and I wasn't interested in it when it was here- I had never had one, so I thought the hullaballoo was ridiculous. Then my friend took me there a year ago and now we have a little problem. Because you know who is going to eat those 12 doughnuts? ME and THE DOG.

4. Soft serve ice cream or hand dipped?

I think soft serve. I like melty ice cream. Specifically, I like McDonald's cones. They are low fat (or claim to be) but they are just a nice vanilla flavor, and are so fatty and creamy and melty. They are delicious! When I have ice cream at home I am constantly pouring milk in it to make it runny.

Oddly enough, I prefer all ice cream to come in a cone, not a dish. This is probably why I like soft serve. Because if I have to put milk in it, I can't put it in a cone.

For the record though, I do enjoy ALL ice cream and will eat any and ALL offered to me.

5. Are you allergic to anything?

Yes.

Cleanliness.

Please guide me.

The last few years I have been so lost. Intermittently I have found my way, or thought I have begun to walk the right trail back to the road I'm supposed to be on, only to find myself lost in the woods again for one reason or another.

My biggest "hiking disaster" of course was while I was with Matt. We made lots of plans both together as a couple, and I made lots of plans based on the future I planned to have with him. I put things on hold, searched for employment around him, looked into schools around him...

Maybe the "higher purpose" was so I could have a longer break before going back to school. I don't know yet. I don't know why.

I have really had alot of pull to Colorado the last year without any real reason why. I've done as much research as I can and there aren't any graduate programs there that interest me. (Other than law school, which is not an option at the moment.) I've felt confused as to why I would feel such a strong draw to this place without any rhyme or reason other than I like it, so I looked at some apartments and houses online anyway, and they were just terrible. Awful, horrible little dumps. (Sorry, but it's true.) All of them were like that. I looked in several cities and they were all like that. It wasn't at all what I had pictured when I imagined the state and it really dimmed that light very quickly tonight. I want a better quality of life, not a worse one. Ick. (No doubt there are beautiful houses and safe, affordable neighborhoods Colorado, but I was not drawn to that for some reason, and for good purpose too. I need to move for school, and I can't find a program there right now...I don't need to be shown that right now, as much as I would like it.)

Which makes Oregon all the more easy to swallow. (Maybe that's why I had to be fixated on Colorado? So I could reject it and further embrace Oregon?) Being turned off by Colorado so suddenly made me much more interested in Oregon and made me more solidified with this plan of applying to their Conflict and Dispute Resolution program. But as I type this... I feel scared. I don't feel ready for lots of changes. Filling out an application sounds exciting right now (Filling out school applications is always fun, don't you think? lol) but, actually doing the work, and leaving my safety net here sounds... very scary at the moment. And right this second, I'm not ready to go. But I don't have to go right this second. (Breathe.) This would be a new life for me, and moving on. Not being stuck in the same place, doing the same thing anymore. Sacramento has given me alot, but... I'm not sure where it is I belong now.

What is my path?

30,000 Foot Freak Out

My trip to DC didn't exactly start out so hot. First of all, I spent the two hour drive from Sacramento to Reno crying hysterically and wishing I could drive into a tree or off a bridge. But I didn't because I "didn't have time." Seriously. That was the thought I had. I didn't have time to drive off a bridge because I would miss my flight. Right. About an hour into my drive I realized I hadn't been taking one of my anti-depressants (Celexa) which sort of cleared up as to why I was thinking those thoughts and why I was crying so much, and I started kicking myself because I didn't have that medication with me so I wouldn't be able to take it for the next six days either. Great. It's the only medication I take once a day so it's easier to forget... I'm back on it now, and luckily, I seemed to settle down once I was on the East Coast and I was careful about taking my other medications right on time, which I'm sure helped with my mood.

I had pretty much calmed down by the time I got the airport and really forgotten all about my break down in the car by the time I got on the plane, right up until they closed the cabin door and a man in his twenties with an ipod plopped down in the center seat beside me. (I was in the window). My whole body instantly tensed up. I began to shake. It had never occurred to be that I would have an issue with this or I would have to anticipate an issue with something like this. Before I knew it, I was trying to breathe my way through a full-out anxiety attack and trying to decide if I should make a run for it right now as the plane is starting to taxi down the runway with this man who is absolutely terrifying me sitting next me, brushing up against me, making me jump every time he touches me, making me feel dirty and disgusting... I feel so violated... just so dirty... I want to get away. I have to get away from him... Or if I can get through the next 15 minutes until we hit cruising altitude so I can ask the stewardess to reseat me on this completely full flight. I start frantically popping my head out of the top of my row to make sure there aren't any other empty seats while my chest starts heaving, trying to keep my crying as quiet as possible, trying to keep myself from just totally losing it.

Finally I pressed myself flat against the window, shuddering and crying until the the blessed seat belt sign clicked off, at which point I ordered him and the woman on the aisle seat out, threw myself out of the row and ran to the back of the plane where I burst into tears in front of the flight attendant, whom I'm sure probably thought the plane was being taken over by terrorists or something. But oh, no, it's just crazy Emily having a panic attack because she cant handle sitting next to a guy on a plane for 4 hours. I finally got the words out between all my chokey sobs (just like a little kid) and she just promptly fiddled around in the cupboards for a second and ordered me to "Drink this and Take this" and handed me a cup of clear fluid and some pills. I followed orders and stood in the back of the plane while the flight attendants talked over a private radio about what was going on, found someone to change into my old seat, moved my bags, came back to check on me, found my cup empty, refilled it, told me to drink it and once I did, said I should sleep the rest of the flight.

I had started to calm down about this time; I had been standing in the back of the plane with my head between my knees for about twenty minutes but I started to feel kind of woozy. It was about then that I realized that the flight attendant hadn't just given me any old drink. She'd gotten me drunk and drugged me. OH. That's what that stuff was. OOPS. The pills? Dramamine. The beverage? White wine. Tasted like flat 7up. How I spent the rest of the flight? Drunk and drugged.  Those flight attendants sure do know how to get hysterical passengers to sit down and hush up. Which I did. I spent the rest of the flight passed out in an aisle seat next to two little old ladies planning a trip to Turkey. When I came to HOURS later, the lady next to me leaned over, asked it I was okay and feeling better and chatted excitedly about her trip. I mostly forgot about the whole thing after that.

[shudders]

You can bet I was pretty darn careful about where I sat on the next three flights I took the rest of the way out there and then on the way back. (And carefully sniffed every other drink they gave me... lol Um, drinking alcohol was really not on my plan, nor am I supposed to consume it with all the medications I'm on anyway!)

Video Reunion with Charlie (Wordless Wednesday)

Charlie Brown Bagel sitting on the porch watching the hail.

A week ago I was in Washington DC shooting a wedding for a friend from high school's cousin. Since I was out of town for 6 days, my poor sweet doggie had to go to the kennel for that time. It was his first time being boarded. When I went to pick him up I put my purse and camera on the floor and taped our reunion! I knew he was going to wigg out when he saw me and BOY DID HE EVER. This also has to be the most embarrassing, unflattering, ugliest video of me ever and makes me feel so fat and I look TERRIBLE! UGH! What happened to me since Christmas? Anyway, try not to look at icky me and where I almost flash the camera, and look at my dorky doggie instead.

(Wordless Wednesday always needs an introduction!)

Pretty Pretty Please?

My photography business was nominated by several clients for a contest by a local news stations yearly "BEST OF" contest. I was nominated for "Best Photographer!" So exciting right! Well, the contest ends this weekend, and I am totally going to lose. lol Mostly because, I haven't marketed the contest like other people have. They are doing giveaways to get votes and individually emailing people and begging them to vote, and I don't like soliciting directly like that, or "paying" or bribing people to vote for me. BUT, I am totally fine with begging in a GENERAL sense on my blog!!! :D lol

SO, if you haven't already, would you PLEASE vote for me? You don't have to live locally here in Sacramento and I would SO appreciate it! I so won't win, but I would LOVE to be ranked, and I think you have to make it to the top 10 to be ranked. Spread the word, repost on Facebook, share on your blogs... anything you can think of! I would so appreciate it! My mom has been shameless! I don't feel like I can do it, but you can! lol

THANK YOU!

Meet me on Monday (Peanut Butta Freight Train)

 
1. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?


I like both, and it kind of depends on what the purpose of the peanut butter is. To each just straight out of the jar, I like crunchy. It makes it more like a whole snack because you have to chew it. (I am VERY into chewing things. lol Okay, that's funny, but I swear I am not making a joke. Like, I could live on Slim Fast Shakes if I could chew some portion of the meal...)  When I cook with peanut butter is should be smooth, and I like smooth. I guess you could say that since I am a bonafide peanut butter lova, I am not picky and enjoy it in all forms. You know what would be a good idea? A peaut butter TASTING! We could have a peanut butter party and do a taste test of all the brands and kinds! OOOh! How fun would that be?!

...I think my peanut butter issues are starting to surface.

Here's a peanut butter pie recipe I know you are DYING to try. I went digging for this online after watching "The Joy Luck Club" one too many times and staring at that pie in that one scene... torture.

http://adventuresinemilyland.blogspot.com/2008/07/emily-is-posting-recipe.html
And here is my attempt at Java's (NGO) peanut butter eggs, or Reester Eggs, as I call them. I modified both recipes to my liking. :)

http://adventuresinemilyland.blogspot.com/2010/04/reester-eggs.html

2. What is your favorite color Rose?

Hmmmm. I guess it would depend on the bouquet. Roses really aren't my favorite flower (I love hydrangeas, lisianthus, peonies, rununculus, poppies, etc... FLUFFY flowers!) but I like them, and I would love to receive them. In FACT, I went to church in Virgina last week and they gave all the adult women roses. But the people I was staying with offered to take it back to the house to put it in water and I forgot about it and never saw it again. :( I only got to hold it for a couple minutes.

Oh, I feel sad now.

Oh, right, colors. Um... My favorite used to be the fallish colored ones- yellowish orange with the reddish tips... when I was a little girl I loved "sterling" which is the purple/lavender rose. Now... hmmm. I am having such a hard time! What colors do roses come in again?  Uhhh... Red is beautiful. I dunno, maybe the fall colored ones?
3. Do you remove your shoes when you walk into your home?

I flip 'em off across the room. Is that the same thing?
4. What is your favorite season?

Fall. It is the season of anticipation and new beginnings for me. Thats my favorite. I liked being teased with things to come I guess!
5. Approximately how many hours a day do you spend blogging?
Ugh, on my work blog, on the days I do blog, it can take me 4-6 hours to do a post. WHY? Because of the re-sizing of the images, applying the watermarks, creating iage storyboards in photoshop, sometimes touchups because stuff looks funny resized... redoing things because it doesn't work. Then after you finish the images, you upload them, and write the post (although I try to do it at the same time and usually do.) It's hours. It's a time suck for sure. Sometimes I can do them faster, but blogging is time consuming when you're doing designing as part of the post. For awhile I was doing sooo good and had a bunch of posts pre-scheduled, but that ran out. :(