FYI- Technical Difficulties

If you are trying to go back and access old posts, or use the links on the side or the widgit linkwithin at the bottom of each post, it will re-direct you to the public blog.

Here's what you do:

Look at the address where you go re-directed. Highlight the actual blog address, since you got sent to the public blog, it should look like this:

http://adventuresinemilyland.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-want-them-to-fit.html

The bold and underlined is the address you need to change. You're just going to copy and paste the new address/name into that bold slot.

So, replace "adventuresinemilyland' with "emsadventuresinwonderland"  Don't change anything else.

http://emsadventuresinwonderland.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-want-them-to-fit.html

You can type or copy or paste!

Hope that helps! Since I plan on eliminating the other blog once I go public again, I won't be updating these links- way too much work. But you can still read old posts if you need to this way!

Why I want to go to court.

My new attorney (NA) has been doing legal research on my case, and working with a few other attorneys and came to me a couple of days ago and said, basically, what he did was wrong, unethical and inhumane, but to make a case for it in court would be really hard- I'd probably lose. Why did I want to go to court?

For the record, I've said to her repeatedly I am totally fine with "losing."

Because no matter what the judge decides, I'm not really going to lose. I won the day I got my suit filed. That is the day I won. The day a public record was begun of the things this man has done.

This is why I want to go to court:

1.) I WANT TO TELL MY STORY. 

 I want to stand up and speak in an articulate way and speak about the outrageous things he did. I want to be heard. More specifically, I want to be heard by a person of authority. That is how our society works. The biggest person I can "tell on " him to is a judge. Ta-da! Even if there is limited (or no) case law to back up our biggest torts, someone with authority will know he sucks as a human being. I win again.

2.)  I WANT TO CONFRONT HIM.

I never got the chance in the house, or in the hours leading up to that moment to confront him with all that he had done. By going to court, I get to stand there and talk about all of the crap he did and he can't say a damn thing. NOT ONE THING. The only person who can interrupt me is the judge. Which is fine, because we'll already have my story written out for him ahead of time. But I'll get at least a couple of minutes to stand there, be put together and call him an asshole, in a polite, legalese type of way. (A tortfeasor. THIS MAN IS A TORTFEASOR YOUR HONOR! Okay, I won't, but I'll be thinking it.)

3.) CREATING A DETERRENT

Thus far, Matt has had really no reason to not do this again. He kept his job, his wife decided really this was no big deal (they were pregnant again within 2 months) and basically, he wasn't punished at all. The bottom line is, you can do anything you want to anyone, and you'll suffer no consequences.

Until now.

Matt, you messed with the wrong lady.

Hell hath NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED.

I want to make sure he does not do this again. I want to create a deterrant and a motivator for him to not ever, EVER do this again to any living creature. I want him to recognize in that pea-sized brain of his that what he did was WRONG WRONG WRONG and he cannot do this, and IF he does this, he will regret it. If nothing else, he will suffer the annoyances of arguments with his spouse, the financial burden of hiring an attorney, the pain of driving to court and the humiliation of having his actions listed out in public. Hopefully, this is enough.

If it's not, there's always LIFETIME.  Or, I hear you can publish your own books on Amazon now.

4.) PROTECTING OTHER WOMEN

This is what is most important. I want to create a public record of his actions. Granted, Matt used a fake name with me, but when I looked him up, he was clean as a whistle. Hopefully next time he won't be so dumb as to use a fake name and a fake name tag. If he uses his real name, and tries to victimize another woman, I want her protected him. If she gets on google, I want hell to open up and for him to be swallowed whole. A couple of weeks before I filed my citizen's complaint, someone else apparently filed a federal lawsuit against Matt for violating their civil rights. (It's called a 1983 violation). It's common, I think with police officers, but I think it's less common for someone to actually file the lawsuit. This now comes up as a search result even though the person was not successful because they, too had a loser attorney.  (He had a disciplinary action from the bar on his record- I know, I checked).  But it's there. I want this on there too. If he tries to go after someone else, if she does some digging, I want her to be able to find this. It may not come up easily, but I want it to be there.  I want to protect other women from being harmed like I was.  I may not be able to send him to jail, but maybe I can still do something.  This hurt me so much at first to hear, but it is probably true: I was not the first and I was not the last. He is a sociopath. There will be more. And if I don't speak up, who will?

******************************************************************************

These are the reasons why I want to go to court. If you notice, none of them have anything to do with winning money. That would be nice. And I do believe I have the right to be restored to the position I was in prior to his fraud. However, that's not my primary objective. As long as I get to stand up in court, I'm good. We've got to get him served, and I've got to hold it together in the hallway for probably hours beforehand before our case is called. All cases are set for the same day of the week and the same time, so they'll probably have 20 cases set for the same time, and we'll have to sit there together, and I will have to not freak out. That's going to be hard. So far, my mom has said she would come, my NA has said she would try to take the morning off work. I wish you all would come and be with me too. The more people there, the better. I would give anything for you all to come. ANYTHING. I don't want to be there alone.

My old attorney was a screwball. And my new one made me cry.

So... my old attorney did not work out, and the last couple of months have been extremely stressful. (Hence my absence.)

I will always be grateful to Looney Tunes (her new nn) for giving me a voice when I didn't know how to find mine. She gave me direction and power. She validated the fact that what Matt did to me was wrong, and I was entitled to my day in court. I am so grateful. Unfortunately she was also mental. Such a shame.

She started blowing me off shortly after we sent Matt the demand letter and got the offer. I wanted her to send a rejection letter to them and she did not. According to my new attorney this is going to turn out fine, but this was the beginning of the misccomunication and confusion on my end. She stopped returning my messages nad didn't adhere to the timeline we had previously discussed as to when things would be filed. Everything was pushed until the last minute, she acted like it was no big deal while I was panicking and didn't know what the court rules were and whether this would ultimately work against me in court.

I ended up filing my own suit, (it was a simple one page form, but the atty filed it out- and it was full of mistakes, which I had to correct in white out at the court. Awesome.)  but without additional documents she said she was writing. There was a barrage of text messsages flying back and forth which went something like this:

Emily: "What is the deadline for the amendment to be filed? If we have to file it by tomorrow, why don't we just file everything together tomorrow, rather than me rushing to the court right now? (And filing documents twice and paying filing fees twice.) I'm confused."

Looney Tunes: "It is my legal advice that you to file your simple form today, and if you fail to do so, you are sabotging your case."

E: "But is it due tomorrow? Don't I have to pay a filing fee each time we file? Why aren't we filing it all together?"

LT: "It is my legal advice you file that form today, otherwise you are sabotging your case."

E:" But when is the due date?"

LT:" It is my legal advice that you file today, I really believe you are trying to sabotge your case!"

E" But what is the due date? Is it tomorrow?"

LT:" If you fail to follow my advice, I cannot be held responsible for your sabotge!"

.... I ultimately went tot he court and filed. And what did the clerk tell me? That once I filed, if put a "hold" on that Amendment (super spimlfying here) and it didn't have to be filed for 3 more months.... Meaning my attorney had three more months to write it. She probably hadn't even started it.

When I got home from court and I didn't write her right away and tell her what happened she wrote an emotional plea basically saying she was sure I was going to fire her.

Then she wrote another email two days later (before I could digest what the court had said + her whacked out message) that was even longer saying that she couldn't imagine my clients asking what camera or lenses I use, or what f-stop I was shooting at, so I shouldn't ask her questions about her job/my case.

I wrote her a long email back making parallells between my job and hers stating basically that, YES clients DO ask those questions and it is our job to educate them. Also, the more familiar or interested they are in our field, the more questions they ask. Many photographers post a "What's in our bag" page on their website and list all of their gear. Many photographers who specialize in a different field of photography, ie, studio or landscapes will approach me in a dark reception where i am using no flash and ask what the heck settings I am on and to peer at what lens I'm using because they could never get good results like that. (Different technique- natural light shooters use ambient light and shoot "wide open" aka, big apeture. Totally different style.)  Vice versa aplies too. My landscapes suck. Take a look at ALL of my vacation photos!

Anyway, LT didn't respond, so I gave her three weeks, then wrote her to check in. She wrote a flaming email back to me saying  she had demanded my abusive treatment of her stop or she would be forced to fire me as a client. (WTF?) She said she did not want me to take pictures of her (I had offered as a trade), because her uncomfortable, constipated expression would surely scare clients away (something to that effect) from her website. That for all of her tireless hours of hard work on my case had resulted in nothing but a lesson learned.

....

So my therapist thinks that I fail to recognize red flags in other people.

I still offered to take her pictures. I stand by my word.

My new attorney (NA)is a friend from law school and I never felt so put together as when I met with her. I understood everything she was talking about; it was like being back in law school. We were issue spotting, it was like looking at a law school exam rather than me feeling overwhelmed and emotional and lost while LT bounced around ideas I didn't understand. NA thinks in a linear way that makes sense, and didn't mind at all helping because 1.) it's a situation of injustice, 2.) we're friends, 3.) her name isn't going anywhere on this thing so it really doesn't matter anyway whether she's involved. She has a couple of colleagues from her office helping her, and like I wanted with LT, we are working as a team. She wrote an outline for the Points & Authorities for my Amendment, and provided the law, and I just need to plug in the facts and analysis. She'll fix it after I make a big emotional vomit mess of it, I'm sure, or reign me back in, if necessary.

In the parking lot as we said goodbye, she announced she had had tumors taken out of both her breasts. They had done a double lumpectomy right after she graduated law school and is typical of my friend, she told no one. She is too young to have gone through that and it killed me that once again she had gone through something horriffic by herself. I cried in the parking lot and I cried on the way home and I cried that night.

I am so grateful that she's here to help me!

I did it.

Thursday afternoon, at 2:59pm I filed my lawsuit.

My attorney has lost her marbles, I'm not really sure what's going on there; hopefully she finds it. (Her mind, you know. Perhaps under the couch? Perhaps they rolled under there?) But I, myself and I screeched into the parking lot at the courthouse at 2:56pm, and ran through the door just before the court closed at 3:00pm. I had to stand in line and thought for sure they wouldn't stamp my paperwork, but they did, and not only that, they stayed afterwards and talked to me for like, 40 minutes. The clerk was way more helpful than my attorney.

But then again, my attorney lost her marbles.

But we are filed. We are officially suing. TA-DA!

And what a huge relief I felt. I went right out (IN PUBLIC, IN A RESTAURANT!) with my friend and had lots and lots of appetizers and dessert. It was great! Such a huge relief to meet the deadline and just get it done!

August 3rd I hit my 2 year anniversary and I was just numb. 2 years? How is this my life? That's another post.

But that's where we're at.

We got an offer

So I'm a little behind. I am struggling financially right now, and it's got me on edge and that means no blogging, in sum. I should have like 20+ weddings booked for next year. I should be booked 18 months out, but I'm not. I have 1 booked. I don't know what's going on. The part of me that has said it will be fine is starting to get a little panicky.

It's interesting to me that this whole law suit thing is totally separate to me from that issue. Like, despite the fact I'm struggling, this still isn't about money. (Although spending thousands of dollars on therapy is not helping my situation.)  Case in point:

WE GOT AN OFFER.

After my attorney sent the cockroach letter (I hope you enjoyed that), we got a letter back from their attorney going on and on about how we had no case, it would never get past demurrer, blah blah blabbity blah. (They ignored all of the valid parts of our case that are active, and reasonable, and that didn't require breaking new ground, which my attorney is trying to do a little bit, at least as far as I can understand.) Then they said they would give us $1,000 just to make it go away, as long as I signed a FULL release and promised to never talk about it ever again.

Attorney said she couldn't imagine me taking it, but that it was her duty to present me all offers, and that if this was really so stressful for me, maybe I should just take it and start over and try to wash my hands of him. I took a couple of days and talked to a lot of people.

Ultimately I decided I would rather go to court, set $1,000 on fire and lose than take it from him.

It's not about the money. It's about telling my story. It's the cathartic process. It's about telling someone of authority what he did. It's about turning him in, and exposing him for what he is. Even if I lose, even if they don't believe me or think I'm half cracked. Fine. At least I got my 5 minutes.

I hope he thinks not settling is worth giving me my 5 minutes of humiliating him and telling the whole freaking world what a lunatic he is!

(Even if the "whold world" is 5 people comprised of a judge,  a court clerk, a balif and my parents.)

Also, my friend pointed out, they want me to sign a FULL release for $1,000? This is all I talk about!! I'm going to sign a NDA promising to never talk about this ever again? It's like promising to never speak again as long as I live! This is all I eat, sleep and breathe! For $1,000 to give up my right to talk? What else would I talk about? The weather!?

And obviously my story holds some value to them or they wouldn't need me to sign the release.

I told my attorney to tell them they can shove that offer up their a**.

We are going to file instead. So we are really doing this, we are really suing. I'd rather do it sooner than later, but attorney says no hurry.

Ugh. I just want him served.

Cockroaches

The attorneys are going back and forth like waves on a lake shore. Just kind of softly lapping.

Slightly annoying. Very stressful. Ever present.

From my attorney's latest letter,

"citizens have already had their fill of out-of-control police officers spraying handcuffed citizens like cockroaches,"

I admit it. I enjoyed that. And it made me want to go to court. REAL BAD. And 20/20. And where's my Lifetime Movie deal?

Something called the "heartbalm statue" was brought up by retard's attorney, which, my atty has responded to by saying that we can sue in spite of that. (It says you can't sue for a broken heart, in essence.) I'm offended he brought it up at all.

That's not why we're here, and let's be clear about it. This isn't about me being pissed we didn't get married. This isn't revenge and this isn't about punishing him or his family.

The man committed violations of our civil code for which the law provides a remedy. (For one.)

The man crossed all lines against human decency. (For another.) And no one did anything about it.

The man is running around free and clear to do it again. He has no deterant. If anything he's been shown his actions have no consequences. His power as a peace officer has been maintained. He can continue to freely victimize people.

I can't make him be fired. But maybe I can motivate to hesitate before the next time. Is that enough? No. But it's better than nothing.

He has cost me THOUSANDS of dollars in therapy. He forever changed and destroyed my life. I'm sitting here reading about cases of these women... can't be alone with men, can't go in public. They won [in court]. I can't live my life. He purposefully, and with malice, victimized me.  By law, I am entitled to be restored to the state I was in before his actions. That will never happen, or it will take years. But they can try. (With duct tape, and money they can put me back together. Starting with my credit card bills for therapy.)

I told him I had depression. I told him I had been harrassed by another man (an ex-cop at that), and that I had been molested. And he went for it. With gusto. He was senistive, and caring, and used me when he needed me. He told me he was depressed and suicidal and needed space for his own sanity because he knew I would understand, when really, his wife was on his tail and he was trying not to get caught. He knew I would be overly concerned and would do whatever he said because I overly related to what he was telling me.

He financially benefitted from our time together. Not to flatter myself too much, but he physically benefitted too. He had the daily pleasure of my company as I drove 90+ miles a day to visit him on duty wearing that fake name tag. I lost money in gas, wear and tear, time, gifts and who knows WHAT else as he persued the fraud.

I haven't read this in a long time, but I used to have it memorized:

Infliction of Emotional Distress--Elements.

--For purposes of the tort of intentional infliction of

emotional distress, outrageous conduct is that which exceeds all bounds usually tolerated by a decent society, and is of a

nature that is especially calculated to cause, and does cause, mental distress. Ordinarily mere insulting language,

without more, does not constitute outrageous conduct. Behavior may be considered outrageous if a defendant abuses a

relation or position that gives him power to damage the plaintiff's interest, knows the plaintiff is susceptible to injuries

through mental distress, or acts intentionally or unreasonably with the recognition that the acts are likely to result in

illness through mental distress. Moreover, the extreme and outrageous character of the conduct may arise from an abuse

by the actor of a position, or a relation with the other, that gives him actual or apparent authority over the other, or

power to affect his interest. The extreme and outrageous character of the conduct may arise from the actor's knowledge

that the other is peculiarly susceptible to emotional distress, by reason of some physical or mental condition or

peculiarity. The conduct may become heartless, flagrant, and outrageous when the actor proceeds in the face of such

knowledge, where it would not be so if he did not know.




Someone left a comment and said I should listen to the song "Over you." But, I'm not. I'm not over my Matty. This person? The one I'm suing? It's not him. This guy is looney tunes. I don't even know who he IS! This guy is a freak show! A sociopath! He is a totally different person to me. It's not him. It's... I don't know. The closest I can come up with is perhaps an evil twin? LOL My Matty... I loved my Matty, but he is dead. He is never coming back and I know that. I will always miss him (I think), but he is gone. He's like Prince Charming in Cinderella... he was a wonderful fairy tale for awhile... I loved him so much... But he's dead.

Have you ever heard the expression, "Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil,"?

Pass the tin foil.