First Date with Daniel at Pangea and the Hideaway

After I got back from Europe, I puttered around a couple of weeks, went on a few terrible dates (some of which I will go back and blog because they were so terrible) and then signed up for eHarmony.

My friend Angie met her husband on eHarmony two years ago and literally got married Labor day weekend. I signed up right around that time. I initiated conversations with a few people when a bearded law student caught my eye. He was just my type! Beyond being a law student, he already had a master's degree, was just as dedicated to traveling and adventuring as I was, wanted a family, liked animals, and dreamed of settling down. It seemed perfect. He hailed from the east coast but was pretty committed to Northern California. As I have said many times before- I don't really care where I settle, I'm happy to follow someone, but as I just got into a rental and dating takes time, I'd like to date someone who isn't going to immediately move after they take the bar exam, and then present distance issues in our relationship unless we have already committed by then. So this was all fantastic. On paper, all looked good and he really came off strongly that his "cab light was on," and he was seriously looking for THAT relationship- you know, THE ONE.

It took about ten days to get through the whole "audition" process eHarmony puts you through, and then we got to exchange lengthy emails with each other. Even from our short answers to each other though, it felt very promising. The right answers were coming through. This serious tone kept coming off on both ends, but I think that's just how eHarmony primes you. They mean business, and they want you to take things seriously and to give thoughtful answers. By the time we got to be able to write free-flowing emails, it was like a relief! Daniel did write in his first message to me, that I was able to make him laugh, despite the serious tone though on those essay answers! :)

We exchanges letters for a few days, and then Daniel gave me his number and asked me out. He initially tried to ask me to dinner, but I requested we keep it casual, just in case one of us turned out to be a serial killer. He said he was pretty sure he could trust me, but we could keep it to just coffee or drinks if that was better. He sent me his phone number, and I texted him. And that started days and days of non-stop texting. from early in the morning to late at night we were texting each other all day.

We texted each other about everything under the sun, from our backgrounds and childhoods to our hopes and dreams and life plans. Daniel told me right off the bat he wanted to be married in the next couple of years and laid out a sort of rough plan, assuming he met the right person. Before we even met, I could feel the momentum building and burning. We had a LOT of chemistry and that was apparent even just texting. I said many times, we should probably stop texting because we are going to run out of things to talk about on this date! And Daniel said more than once, no... we aren't.

Our first date was Tuesday, September 29th at 4:30pm at Pangea, a little restaurant/bar in south Sacramento across the street from an ice cream shop my dad used to bike to as a kid.

Here I am in the car, hyperventilating, right before the date. I was freaked out because I was so nervous it wouldn't live up to my expectations- or maybe that it actually would.

I couldn't even get myself to take a nice smiling picture because I was SO NERVOUS. And yes, I recycled my outfit from the bad date the week before, but that's because I really liked that top! I did take my sweater off and put it in my purse until later though.

When I walked into Pangea, Daniel was already there, facing away from the door, but I knew him right away because the bar was pretty empty, and he is very tall. Also, I could just tell it was him. My body could tell it was him. It felt magnetic. He had on a leather jacket and was wearing his glasses, a long sleeved button down shirt and a tie. The first thing I noticed was probably him, himself, and then the jacket (which looked nice), as a means of recognizing him and when he turned, his eyes caught me immediately. They were stunning and caught the light. The brightest, happiest shade of blue I've ever seen in my life. They made me immediately smile at the time and they make me smile thinking about it now. As soon as he said "Hello," I knew this wasn't going to be a repeat of the bad date from the week before. You know when you can just tell things?

We walked up to the counter together and talked about the beers on tap. We have very similar tastes in beer so it was easy to converse about it, and it was comfortable right away. He offered to treat and I let him. I knew that HE knew this was a good sign right away because I had already told him about my bad date the week before and that I wouldn't let a bad date pay for my drinks- I didn't think it was fair. He was pleased right off the bat that I let him pay and we walked together to a cute little table outside with great street atmosphere.

This is where we stayed. For the next... I don't know how many hours. This date was supposed to be for A beer after he got off work. We sipped on that first beer for it must have been 3-4 hours. It was an extremely long time. When it became clear that we really weren't anywhere close to being done talking yet and were still having SO much fun talking with each other, he asked if we should get another round and I went and got the second round of beer, which we slowly sipped on because we were too busy talking to really care what we were doing. Then all of a sudden, it was dark. This was in September. So it didn't get dark until like 8pm. We sat on that patio forever. It was like no time had passed at all. It was effortless. When I spent time with Luke back in July and I connected with him, it felt special... but that was nothing in comparison to this. Afterwards Daniel called it like a lightning bolt and I can see what he means by that. I've never had an experience like it in all my years of dating. Not with anybody. Not even with my ex partners. It was... Magic.

 

This was the photo I sent my friend on the off chance he murdered me during the date. (Kidding.) But I sent it of the two of us... because we looked so cute together.

 

When we looked up and realized it was dark, Daniel asked me to dinner. I said yes. So we walked up the street, side by side but not holding hands to a little divebar he loves called the Hideaway. It was like walking into a time machine. People wore retro clothing and music played from a jut box (I think) and I felt like I had walked into the 50's. It was so awesome. We ordered at the bar- and Daniel paid again, and I had the most amazing Philly Cheese Steak sandwich with blue cheese crumbles and an aioli sauce. It was AMAZING. We loiter another hour or so before Daniel said, I better hurry- if this date went bad, I had been saying I was going to console myself with ice cream afterwards at Gunther's, and they might be closing soon. I giggled and said he could join me. So At 10:45pm we hustled out of the Hideaway and dashed down the street to Gunther's. The employee inside the locked building gave us the most empathic look when she saw us rush up to the closed store. At that point, we had been hanging out, for literally SIX AND A HALF HOURS. But now, everything was closed. It was a Tuesday. A work night. A school night. It was late. Daniel rather reluctantly walked me to my car. we giggled about how long the date had gone on. I think he hugged me. At that point I got pretty scared he was going to kiss me and was pretty relieved he didn't. We said goodbye and I went home SO PUMPED and excited about the whole thing. Best first date of my life. Hands down.  All we did on that date was talk and connect with each other. We told stories and got to know each other and seriously could not get enough. He was cuter than his pictures, so handsome and just, adorable really. I was so excited.

How could you ever top that?!

When I got home that night afterwards!

The terrible, no good, Oakland Date with the drink stealer

So I had this photo shoot in Oakland.

And I had this guy I had been writing emails to who lived in the area. The emails were kind of boring, but hey, I'm open. You never know who might be awesome in person right? Plus, I was bored.

So I asked the guy out. I think his name was Anthony.

I went and did my photo shoot, and kept Anthony up to date on my whereabouts. His texts were sadly just as boring as his emails. There was nothing really wrong with either per se, just not particularly peppy...

I got dressed up pretty cute, did my make up nicely, and took a selfie. Cute right?

As soon as I get about half a block away from the bar I think... AWW CRAP.

The guy is standing outside the bar (that he picked) and immediately there are a number of problems. I know it's him- he's clearly waiting for me, but he looks NOTHING like his photos. He's at least 50 pounds heavier, furrier, dressed badly and seems to have some kind of body tick.

As I get closer, and reach out to shake his band, he opens his mouth to speak... and he's something is wrong there too. He speaks oddly like he's slow or off or something. The emails are now explained.

AWW MAN!

I'm not going to ditch the poor guy, but I'm definitely not going to let him pay for anything or order food. He must know it's over already too though because I'm already carrying the entire conversation, which is annoying when I'm making an actual effort. I'm disappointed to see the drinks are expensive and the service slow.

I very pointedly walk to the bar separately from him to order, and volunteer to pay for my own drink. I very purposefully step away from him so it will be clear to the barback that we will be paying separately. This is bar custom. The bar is empty. It should be obvious. I order.

I step back and hand her my card.

The awkward man who catfished me into this uncomfortable date over an hour from my home suddenly becomes light on his feet and steps closer to me, gestures from me to him as if to say, "Put my drink on her tab" and the barback immediatey runs his drink ON MY TAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was livid. I ended up with a $22 bar tab for the two drinks because he ordered a $15 cocktail. When the waitress brought me the single receipt back he feigned confusion and limply offered to pay me for it- or to buy the next round, which I decidedly declined.

Unfortunately, I had to sip my way through my drink, but once it flipped over to a Karaoke Bar I guzzled it and bailed for the door. Once my rude date began to get excited- apparently this was planned- I had to get out of there. He sort of shouted at me as I ran across the street that he'd like to take me out again, and, not looking at him, I said, Mmmhmmmm BYE!

Angie's Lake Tahoe Wedding

My good friend Angie, who I have known for at least 3-4 years now, and met at the dog park during my low point post-Matt got married Labor Day weekend in Tahoe! I didn't get to be here through much of her planning process, but I recommended some of her vendors to her and helped her find her venue so that was fun to be a part of it in that way! She was so kind to invite me with a plus 1, but I wasn't dating anyone or anything at the time, so I just went solo. Luckily Angie has talked about her friends plenty over the years and I knew a bit about all of the people my age who were there and made some friends! She met her husband on eHarmony right after I moved to Oregon, so I basically missed the entire dating process and I only met him once, right after they started dating, so that was a big bummer. I wish I knew him better! But she loves him and was super happy so I'm happy for them! This was the first wedding I had attended solely as a guest, and not working at all since... 2008 or so? I originally though it was much earlier but I recalled I attended my cousin's wedding in Connecticut in Hartford and Niantic a few years ago, and I think that was the last wedding I attended! It was definitely odd just being a guest, but I enjoyed it!


My wedding gift was a love lock I brought back from Prague, and then hand painted in her wedding colors!

 I dressed in bright colors because that's what Angie loves!

 The cheese table about killed me. I hit my lowest weight on this day and promptly gained like 5 pounds and didn't lose it for like 3 weeks.

 Love giant jenga! But just a note, if you paint the pieces, they get sticky!

 The ceremony was supposed to be by the water... Which is supposed to be where I am standing. This is how much the drought has effected California! All of this should be underwater. The lake was at least 100 yards shy of the ceremony site.

 We might have raided the honeymoon suite....

That one Tinder Guy

So there was this one guy I met on Tinder. I think.

It was the week I moved back to Sacramento and I even think I might have started talking to him before I moved. I was so lonely and so anxious about moving that I just wanted to meet ANYBODY, even a friend right away. We didn't do a ton of get to know you's in advance, but I did call him out on not being a good texter and he said he was a better conversationalist in person.

This was of course was a lie. This is always a lie. Never believe this. If they can't text, they can't talk. Believe nothing else. Unmatch, unmatch, unmatch.

The guy lived downtown, and was walking distance from Rubicon. He suggested we go there. Because he goes there several times a week and it's comfortable for him. ...And being on a guy's home turf is always stellar for the ladies.

I had never been there before and when I walk up to the outside, it's totally cute. The street atmosphere and people watching outside is great. ...But I don't see my date outside. So I peep inside... He's inside. At a laminate table in a corner. Where it's super noisy. He's cute- looks exactly like his pictures for sure. But the atmosphere inside blows.

And oh yeah. We have nothing in common. I order a cheap $5 beer  that I sip and struggle to entertain us both for the next two hours while he eats dinner as slowly as possibly but somehow chugs 2-3 drinks. I didn't realize I'd be the guy's dinner entertainment.

Finally the bill comes. Relief! The guy is attractive but we have nothing in common. The only time I could even get him to perk up was when I got him to talk about a heavy metal concert. It was nice to see him get excited about something, but literally, he showed no joy or excitement about ANYTHING. I wasted at least 40 minutes talking about beers and breweries (yes, Oregon educated me enough to suck up that much air space) and still, barely anything. I don't get it. I figured he'd at least offer to pick up my $5 beer since he ran up at least a $30 tab all on his own- but-- he doesn't. And I don't have cash. So I pull out my credit card (all I have) and he says- "Oh, you don't want to split that, mine was more than yours." (Yeah, by like $25!) So I just ask the waitress to pull out my $5 beer off the tab, which she has trouble doing because he had ordered SO MANY beers...

It was just bad manners. He should have offered to just cover it. The waitress probably took 10 minutes to figure it out and the guy was not hurting for cash. I know this is a double standard on my part but... It was annoying. But I paid for my own beer, and no, I didn't ditch him, even though I knew it wasn't a match. AND I did let him friend me on facebook after, although I have no idea why. (And I have since deleted him, because he never made an effort to strike up a friendship. I told him flat out afterwards- when I was "thanking" him for the "date" that I didn't think there was chemistry, and he agreed, and asked to friend me.)

Don't go out with people who can't text. It means they can't talk, and you have nothing in common!

Moving to Sacramento

Honestly sucked. I went and saw my old therapist a couple of weeks right after I moved because I was so freaked out that I had made a giant mistake. She reassured me that I just needed to get on my feet and I was totally capable of doing this. I just needed to stay busy and get my crap together. I am back dating this post and I can't exactly say I have been entirely successful. I found a running club, and I reconnected with an old friend and did some hiking over the summer, but what I really needed was a day job and it's only now off in the future (November) that I am starting to have time for that.

House hunting was also a nightmare. I emailed and called on I can't say how many apartments, but between my pets and rent limitations it was terrible. I had to solicit a friend to help me with a driveby on a house in an area I wasn't even looking at, and my apartment manager in Oregon advised me to chase down a husband/wife/private landlord rather than a corporate landlord, and that is exactly how I got in. I ended up in a 1 bedroom, 1 bath house in a neighborhood in transition just 1 short mile from downtown. Not a neighborhood I was considering, but it turned out to be the best situation. It's close to everything, affordable, private, and a nice large yard for the dog, and river access for walking! Very good for us.

 

Bizarrely, I had to get my house all settled in an unpacked ASAP... for the housesitter! I drove Charlie and I to Southern California the first week of August so he could stay with my dad and I could fly to Europe for a month! That will probably take me awhile to write about, because there are so many pictures. So expect some back dated posts! I have another story to tell first!

That Guy I met when I was Moving Away...

Driving on I-5 South the Weekend I moved back to California

Fall of 2014 I was going to Trivia a ton with Sarah until I got into a car accident at the airport after a late night at trivia, and never went again. The very last week before I moved, I wanted to embrace life in Eugene and literally took up every invitation extended to me to maximize social time. I felt so anxious and nervous about moving and not having a big social network back here in California... I wanted to fill up my body with as much Oregon as I possibly could! So after a six month hiatus I returned to trivia at a local bar.

And there he was... This guy from the law school that looked familiar but whose name was not really familiar to me. He and this other guy who likes to dress up as Buddy the Elf at the holidays and deck out the law school with paper snowflakes and other non-specific winter decorations (YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SERIOUS HE TAKES THIS) were there, and apparently had been coming for months. They were both cute, and I was roughly 40 pounds lighter than I had been the last two years I had been bumping into them at the law school so neither of them had any recollection of me whatsoever. I was moving, literally, that weekend though, so I didn't really pay them any attention. Plus I was sitting on the other side of the table.

There was a point in the game where each table was passed this Xerox'ed paper with random, unfamiliar actors on it... Our trivia team did a pretty good job of identifying a fair number of them, except this one woman- who I immediately recognized and no one else knew. But I struggled for a good 5 minutes to come up with her name. I knew she had been in Twister- and her role and her character name and the DIRECTOR'S name... finally I took a stab at her name and they handed it in. They didn't really think I would have got it and assumed they lost the round. After the sheet got handed in, somebody busts out their phone and googles the answer- Jami Gertz. I got it, spelling and all. The guy, eyes wide and admiring- yells across the table, "You are everything they said you would be and MORE!" Everybody burst out laughing and then glanced back and forth between the two of us while I blushed furiously.

After the game I stalled a little and changed seats and struck up a conversation with this charmer- who was truly a charmer. He had just graduated from the law school, was 30- far closer in age to me than most of my dates the last couple of years, had grown up just 20 minutes from me in Southern California and got all of my jokes and slang. Then I mentioned I was moving back to California the following Monday and the conversation abruptly shut down- and understandably so. I chatted with another girl I didn't really know for a bit, and reluctantly began to leave when he began to talk to me again, and eventually asked for my business card. Weirdly enough, he had also been a wedding photographer. Not as long as I had, by any means, but it was another thing in common that we enjoyed talking about.

I figured he got my card so he could get my phone number- which isn't on my card, so when I got home I got his last name from a friend and friended him on facebook. And then he messaged me- and the flirting ensued. Numbers were swapped, and he invited me out for a drink the next night. But... I already had plans.

Connor was having a house party the next night as an early 4th of July type deal, but also, secretly it sort of felt like a send off for me. I don't know if this was intentional, but it did a little bit feel like a good bye party for me. It probably WASN'T, but it felt like it, and it was awesome. Lots of people came, I saw so many random friends, and I had a blast.

One friend Caitlyn was extremely anxious to go dancing and wanted to close out the house party and shuffle it along to a place to go dancing. She was actually so anxious to do this that she pushed us out of the house and sent us to the dance place- Cowfish - long before any people had arrived there to actually dance. Which was ridiculous. (And super frustrating, because everyone was having fun at the house just socializing, and many people did not want to go dancing and us leaving forced them to go home.) Since Cowfish wasn't ready for dancing yet, we went to another bar or restaurant to hang out until it was a bit later.

... Meanwhile, I was texting the boy updates of where I was and what I was doing. He had his own group of friends he was corralling and heading in my direction so he could buy me a drink and have a dance with me!

Eventually we all ended up at Cowfish together, dancing and having a good time and the boy showed up, danced with me- he actually two stepped with me!- to pop music... lol ... and got me a drink and we talked and laughed and danced and had a great old time. It just got a little bit awkward when I ended up dancing with both him AND K at the same time. You remember K, right?

Another friend of mine who was aware of the whole dynamic going on watched all of this going on was just laughing hysterically and after both boys moved away patted me on the shoulder and said, "You doin' alright there?" And I just put my head in my hands and GROANED! It was so awkward. Of course K had no idea... He probably wouldn't have cared but it was so awkward.

The next day was the 4th of July, and the boy somehow crafted an invitation for me to a total stranger's BBQ- where he was the only guest. So he invited this other girl Diane to come, who he thought I knew. (But I had only met her at trivia, and briefly.) So I texted Sarah and made her invite herself to this BBQ so I wouldn't be there alone, but I very much wanted to go since I liked the guy and we seemed to be hitting it off.  The BBQ was good, and we all drove to a local HS baseball field to watch the fireworks. He and I sat next to each other and talked awesomely, but weirdly, Diane sat kitty corner to us.... she was actually so attached to us I wondered if she had a thing for him, or he had a thing for her and if maybe if I was inventing this whole flirtation in my head. But eventually, she got up and moved and left us to talk and it was good. We talked about all kinds of things, our families and backgrounds and there was just this solid chemistry that I hadn't really experienced before. Things were clicking, and it felt really special. In my other relationships... I hadn't really had that. Definitely personality matches but there was something different about this that I couldn't quite describe and it felt really good. Kind of magic. This connection.

We all rode back to the house together, and then it was kind of time to go home... Funnily enough, I heard later Diane tried to steer me to the front seat to sit next to Luke, but I "ran to the back door so fast she couldn't stop me..." Which is hilarious because I wasn't even aware of it at the time.

The part of this whole story I should probably mention is the fact that this guy (Luke...) had already had a thing with TWO of my friends. One of whom he was subletting their apartment for the summer. As in, he was living in her house. And he had fooled around with her in that same house. The same house I had been in many times before. Incredibly awkward. I felt very uncomfortable with this knowledge and swore Sarah to secrecy that I had hit it off with this guy but she just rolled her eyes because she knew I'd eventually tell them both anyway. I wasn't really sure what to do because we seemed to be connecting so well.. It was confusing.

Anyway, we got back to the house and it turned out that he had driven Diane to the BBQ, because she doesn't drive. So... that was the end of the night. I reluctantly got in my car to drive home.

I can't even tell you how slowly I drove across town. ....With the volume on my phone turned all the way up... just hoping...

And right when I got to downtown and close to the freeway entrance I got the text message. Would I like one more drink with him before calling it a night?

Oh, yes, yes I would!

I turned around, and very awkwardly drove to my friend's house, which he was subletting. He had suggested a pub around the corner- where I had been with my friend a bunch of times. I found myself shaking off the heebie jeebies as we walked across the parking lot together and settled in the cozy little outdoor patio together for another long conversation. Not too long into chatting fireworks starting going off behind him, and as I exclaimed, Luke hopped right up and came over and sat next to me on the picnic bench- smooth move.

We talked for a good couple of hours and I will say how easy it felt. We had a bunch of weird little things in common and it was just simple. With K it was also difficult to connect because he had so many boundaries and walls up all the time and it was always a problem. Here, that was not a factor. He was just open, and that was awesome. I could feel myself being so open too, and also hoping this could be something. And kicking myself that I was moving. Why did I meet him when I was moving?!

As I was teasing him about something, (and laughing hysterically) he suddenly grabbed me in a headlock and kissed me- but I didn't stop laughing. It was just fun! Light hearted and fun.

The next day my dad arrived and the frantic moving process started, which was a nightmare. Sarah and Connor both pitched in to help and our program manager even came by to pick up furniture. Luke offered to come by and help, but having just met him I wasn't really comfortable with that. I fought with my dad all of Sunday, and Monday and it was really unpleasant and I was pretty tense by that point.

Sarah let me know that she and Luke and another friend would be bowling that night and on a whim I went and joined them.

And it was totally different. He was flirty, but not like before. He gave me high fives and teased me but seemed distracted and when I offered to drive him home afterwards (he had walked), he said no thanks and walked home without saying good bye to any of us. My two friends shouted good byes at him and gave me bugged eyed looks as he walked across the parking lot. (What the heck?)

I went back to my townhouse that night, stayed up until 4am cleaning, and then drove a couple of hours to a hotel to meet my dad. I got texts from Luke early that morning wishing me well, but it was all bizarre. I then clued my two friends who had spent time with him and knew him better and one said he connects with everybody and it doesn't really mean anything, and the other said he's probably a player. What was weird was, after I got to California, he continued to text me- and we talked on the phone once- and talked about visits and dates and things. Right up until Sarah alerted me that he brought a date to trivia a couple weeks later. Some girl who lives in his building who he broke up with right after. Since we were communicating heavily at the time, it really was not cool, and he super misled me. My little heart was pretty bruised over that and I'll totally admit to shedding tears.

But the connection... That connection was something to remember. I hadn't had that before.

In retrospect I do think it is something that is a part of his personality- like a friendly puppy who runs around happily jumping on everybody's laps and licking their hands with glee and you just can't help but adore- but that also means the connection on the puppy's side is not necessarily meaningful. Even if you feel bonded to the puppy....