Christmas Ornament Wreaths!

I got this project from Michelle's blog, who got it from someone else's blog, who got it from Eddie Ross' blog- a site which I now totally love. This was the best project ever. It was super easy, took no time at all, looked great afterwards; totally rewarding! I loved it!

My sister's house (Kristin) is all purple- she has lavendar walls in her kitchen, deep purple couches in her living room, with dark plum paint from the chair rail down. She is obsessed with purple- has been her whole life! So I made her the purple one. I did that first. I did everything wrong on the first one. I didn't really get the logistics of how you get all of the balls to face the front and stay that way- took me a bit to realize you just pack as many balls on the hanger as you can and then it is full from all sides. Yeah, little slow. Anyway, when I was trying to figure it out, I just started sticking the balls (From the 99 cent store- dollar tree didn't have any) on with the little elastic loops still attached- yeah dumb. Then I had to try and cut them all off after the wreath was assembled. Didn't really work. Oops. Oh yeah, and I for some reason thought I had special balls and didn't have to glue gun down the the tops of the ornaments to make sure they stayed on... so they started falling off. Oh, I am a bright one!!!



The little Snowman ornament at the top is just randomly sitting there. I am going to put a bow there, but I put the Snowman there in the meantime. When I was in high school I used to do craft fairs and I sold little stuffed snowmen with scarfs and hats, and then mini snowmen with a wire loop at the top as an ornament- this is one of the leftover ones from back then! I designed him myself. :) All my snowmen were so cute.

I had it all figured out by the time I did mine, which is blue, to match my house, and I love it.

I ran out of balls right before I finished mine, so I went back to the store to get a couple more acks and in the meantime had talked to my dad about the project and he sounded very interested, and so I ended up getting red and silver balls to make him one too. I am going to run out of hangers soon! LOL

I did run out of glue sticks, so I can't finish his yet, but I will get some glue tonight and finish it, but here it is 2/3's done.

Thanks for the great links Michelle! Kristin, you have to make a pink one! I don't care if you are too busy!!! PLUS if you do it in pink, it will look christmasy, but you could put it up at Easter too! How about that?! So cool! :)

BTW the colors on ALL of the wreaths, but especially the purple one is totally funky and off. I may be a photographer, but I am perfectly capable of taking bad pictures too. LOL I will take some tomorrow in day light and you can really see how pretty they are. The colors in the pictures are way off- they are so cute in real life! And there is no gold in that last wreath- those are silver balls- they look gold in the picture tho. Weird!

Kristin's Visit

OK, I know this is six months late, but better late than never, right?

Kristin came to visit me back in March, I think to do a whole lot of shopping, and eating! Our two favorite activities for sure!

One of the things we did was we went to this burger joint that was featured on the Food Network, and got so popular because of the spotlight on Diner's Drive-In's and Dives, that they are expanding to two more locations- even thought the original location has been sitting there for like 20-30 years!

they are famous for their big burgers, and cheese "skirts." It was amazng, and I ate every. single. bite. Wow. Look at those burgers!!!

A Second Update

I just realized my latest post doesn't make total sense, because I left you hanging last time. Matt came over that day in August, and it was like nothing was wrong. We went to get him a caffinated drink because he had a headache, and went for a little walk, and we went to PetSmart with the cat (he even rode in my car!) and walked him around on a leash, and we picked out a new pet fish, a red betta named Marlin. Actually, Matt picked out one fish, and picked another, and we held both up to Tootie and let him choose which fishy he wanted for a baby brother. He picked Matt's fish, of course. Everything was fine. He told me I was his best friend. He was optimistic about us, and said that he just needed to try and think about the situation differently and maybe he could cope with the stress. He came and visited again in September too, and that was great too. Everything was fine.

And we broke up, over the phone, basically over the long distance thing again. He just can't handle it. Doesn't want to do it. Doesn't want to even try. Just not capable.

So that was it.

Just Plain Old Not Happy

So, you knew it was coming, or some of you already knew it happened, but Matt and I finally actually broke up. We have been broken up for one week- it happened last Monday. We actually never even finished the break up conversation, we got half way through it and he had to go because he was doing an overtime shift at a Cal Trans site. He said he would call back when he could, but never had time. We texted some on Tuesday, and I tried reaching him Wednesday without success, and finally just sent him a final text message, "Be Safe. Good Night. I love you." And that was all I planned on doing, again.

Saturday I did this wedding in Sonoma, in the Napa Valley. I was sitting on the sidewalk outside the bride's room photographing the rings and the bridal bouquet, when my phone started going off. I had a text message from Matt, saying his dad was back in the hospital.

I didn't know how to respond... We're not really together, even though we didn't finish our talk, and so I didn't know what my role was supposed to be. But I didn't want him to feel like I didn't care, because I do.

So I said I was really sorry, and asked what happened, and he said he didn't really know, just that one side went numb and he was on his way over then. So I told him it sounded like a stroke again to me, and that I was really very sorry and to let me know if he needed anything. He said Thanks, and I sent him one last one and asked that he keep me updated.

I haven't heard from him since, so I don't know what's going on, and I am worried. I love him, and I worry about him. Nobody takes care of him, and he just takes on everyone else's stress. It's not good for him. But it's not my place right now to intervene or participate in this... At least I don't think so... I just don't know.

I didn't ever get an update on the situation, so I did decide to give him a call this afternoon and check in. I just left him a voicemail message that I was thinking about his dad and wondering if he was ok, and just that... I was thinking about them.

So it's the middle of the night, I'm laying here thinking about him, and worrying about his dad, and just missing him SO much. I just really do love him, and just can't help but hold on to that so confident thought that I have had these last 5 months we have been together that he is the right person for me. And I feel lost without him. I am handling it very well actually... thanks to my medication probably. But right now, I just feel like part of me is missing. And I don't know how to find it again, and I don't know that I will ever get it back. And that is what makes my soul ache.

Now what?

Matt is coming over on Friday. He's made it clear we are breaking up because of the stress the distance puts on him. I am extremely unhappy and am having a very difficult time. I feel very defeated and really feel there is no point in trying again with someone else. Matt is the epitomy of what I want in a partner, and I am everything he wants, and it still isn't going to work out. Why bother trying if even the perfect person for me can't be with me? All of my dreams were coming true in one amazing blink of an eye, and with an equally quick swoop they are being taken away, yet again. I can't keep doing this. And I don't want to. Maybe dreams are "dreams" for a reason.

I had an interview last week with a family law firm, which is yet another job I did not get, but the interview itself, and the attorney who interviewed me were very inspiring. I contacted the admissions office at McGeorge School of Law here in Sacramento and had an appointment with the Dean of Admissions about my situation. He said I do not need to take the baby bar exam and in fact, he advises against it. He said I am eligible to reapply to law school as a first time student after a 2 year waiting period. It has already been a year, and he advised me to begin appying to schools this fall. He also told me to take the LSAT (law school admissions exam) again. He said the things that happened to me in school were extreme and the admissions council would be sympathetic to that, but I would still need to prove I have the academic capability of suceeding in school. In other words, take the LSAT again, and do VERY well. he also said having an attorney write my recocmendation letter- personally vouching for me would go far. He was very positive about that firm I applied at, since it's a one attorney firm I would get a TON of hands-on training and the experience would be invaluable. But I didn't get the job.

If I started over, I could REALLY start over... I could apply to any school I wanted- I wouldn't be limited to my state accredited school. I could go anywhere. Even McGeorge. (Where I had my appointment.) But that also means starting over from scratch. Right back to when I was 22, studying for the LSAT with a bunch of other fresh faced college graduates. It feels like a big step back. But it could also be a big step forward... The advisor wanted me to apply this fall, to start in the fall of 2010, but I think that is too soon. My personal situation has not been smoothed over yet and I'm not ready to committ. I'm not well yet and I am still figuring this depression stuff out. At least I can frankly look at my situation and recognize that now. A couple of years ago I couldn't... and that's how I got into this mess.

Now what do I do? School is encouraging... the Matt situation breaks my heart and I feel myself loosing all of the faith I had left in my future personal happiness...

Sick

I am just plain old sick. Not sick with a cold. But sick in that I feel horrible- it's the depression stuff. I had a really bad time a few weeks ago and it was REALLY bad, and then gave me a second medication to try and help me. Which it was, but today I got swept up in some drama with Matt ( maybe not drama, but it made me upset, so that's what I am calling it.) and I completely forgot to take my medication all day, and I am supposed to do two separate doses twice a day of two dierent kids of medication and I forgot all of it until after 10pm, when I was feeling really weepy and awful... and then I remembered. I wonder if just missing it one day like that could make me feel that awful that fast. I don't know. Anybody know?

Anyway, I just feel horrible. Really down, really sad, weepy, unmotivated, exhausted. I'm just so tired. And today it was worse because I laid down and I fell asleep for a moment and instantly woke up startled, like, I jumped a foot off the bed kind of thing. That happened every single time I started to fall asleep. I'd drift off and JUMP! One time I like punched my fist, or hit myself, or the bed, or I don't know what, but it was weird. It was hard to not feel good and then not get relief from taking a nap.

I didn't talk to Matt yesterday, and he started messaging me first thing this morning, and that was great. But after an hour or so he dropped a bomb on me, that he needed to save money because he might buy a house. I got really upset, and he didn't answer my messages for almost 2 hours. I called and left messages and texted and said he needed to call me. And he called and he said, well 99% of the reason he moved was for his dad but it was also because he misses him family and being there these 6 weeks has made him even closer to them, and he wants to keep his options open and save money so he can buy a house, and then he will sell this one.

I feel really deceived. All this time I have taken him at his word that he has been too busy, and that he is miserable all the time and work is awful. And then today he told me he doesn't miss his old office at all and that it is great to work up there because it is so beautiful there, and that he has more friends there than here, because there are family friends there. And being there these 6 weeks has brought him so much closer to his family and if he is down here he can't see them whenever he wants.

I feel like he is forcing himself into choosing between me and his family and that is ridiculous, he doesn't have to do that. If he lives here he can see them whenever he wants. But he says he can't. I don't understand.

I am really, REALLY upset. I picked wrong again. How did I pick the wrong guy again? As a person he is perfect for me, and yet he is so overly involved in his family he would rather be a single bachelor for the rest of his life and live down the street from them than try to build a life and family of his own with me- and still see his family. He can have it both ways... he just can't have it up there like that. If he feels this disconnected and distant from me and so close to them after 6 weeks that he has already gone back on what we discussed about not buying a house there at least until the 6 months were up and only if his dad was in bad shape.... if he is already like this after 6 weeks... how could we possibly be together these 4.5 months he at least has left if he has already pulled away so much? He needs to change what he is doing, since he apparently could call me and communicate with me more than he has. He told me today he is a bad communicator. No, really?

He told me on Friday that his dad is getting back to his old self and is much better.

I feel heartbroken. I don't know what to do. Why does this keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong? How am I picking them wrong? He is so right for me. He was everything I wanted and more. He would be a wonderful partner and father and provider, and he loves me. And... I don't understand. I am so upset. I feel lost. I don't know what's going to happen. I didn't know I could be in a relationship where we were both crazy about each other, and loved each other and someone could tell me things like they love me and think I'm beautiful and want to be with me forever... and then tell me that they are considering moving 2 hours away so they can see their family every day and just cut us off, just like that.

I am so hurt. :(