More Options...!

I was talking on the phone with my friend Carmen yesterday and she started giving me a pep talk about the things I am capable of. I pretty much tuned it out. I really wanted to hear it, and I was trying to hear it, but I just couldn't "hear it." I don't know how to explain it any other way. The same thing happens when the therapist tries to validate everything that happened with Matt. (That it really was a horrible, terrible thing, and a HUGE deal. Sometimes I fall into self-doubt about this. Some days that sounds crazy [that it wasn't a big deal], other days, I wonder if I am playing the victim... I really need to be validated that it was a bad thing. Too many people told me to just pick up and move on but the experience was so traumatizing I can't. So hearing those words ["move on"] essentially just gave me more issues. Fantastic.)  I just can't hear it, or it doesn't sink in, or it goes in one ear and out the other. I really, really want and need to hear what everyone has to say to me, but it just doesn't go in somehow. Does that make sense?

Anyway, she was saying that as long as she has known me (10 years this fall) that I have always been doing and saying and making plans to do random and crazy and impossible things and then just doing them. That I'm a planner and I just make things happen. That with everything that has happened the last six years I have been progressively been beat down, but that I still stayed on top of it all, until it came to this. But she knows that I can still do it. I wish I could hear her say it again so I could really "hear" it.

After talking to her about school and stuff, and hearing about her plans to move to Philadelphia in just three months for her Master's in Public Health, I tried looking at schools again. This time it occurred to me to simply Google "masters, conflict dispute resolution."

I am so dumb.

Why did I not do this in the first place?

I thought Oregon was the only school with a program like this, and from looking at schools individually, it seemed like that was accurate. I was SO WRONG.

Here are some of the schools that have some form of Conflict & Dispute Resolution or Peace Studies Programs:

CA-Pepperdine

CO-University of Denver

DC-Georgetown University

GA-Kennesaw State University

HI-University of Hawaii Manoa

MA-University of Massachusetts Boston

MD-Salisbury University

MD-University of Baltimore

MI-Wayne State University

MO-University of Missouri

NC-UNC Greensboro

NJ-Montclair State University

NY-Columbia University

OR-Portland State University

OR-University of Oregon

TX-Southern Methodist University

UT-Utah State University

VA-George Mason University

WI-Marquette University

 
University of Notre Dame
Graduate School
Peace Studies


California State University Northridge
Mediation and Conflict Resolution


University of San Diego

Master of Arts in Peace and Justice Studies

Eastern Mennonite University

Center for Justice and Peacebuilding - Graduate Program

Harrisonburg , VA , 22802

George Washington University,The

 Master's Internationalist Program in the Peace Corps


 Columbia College Of South Carolina 
Master of Arts in Human Behavior and Conflict Management

New York University

Graduate School of Arts and Science

Program in Trauma and Violence Transdisciplinary Studies ----> I thought this was really interesting, and relevant. George Washington University,The

School of Public Health and Health Services

Graduate School

 
Arcadia University
Peace Studies
Glenside, PA


Champlain College
Graduate Studies

Master of Science in Mediation & Applied Conflict Studies

 Duke University
Masters degree
International Development Policy
Peace and Conflict Resolution  



WOW. Just... WOW. A lot, of at least some of the schools, particularly on the east coast focus on GLOBAL or international peacekeeping, which would not be my focus of interest. I found my interest synthesized best here:

Finally, you may want to obtain a master in conflict resolution if you work with social services or the family court system. In many instances, mediation is the preferred first step toward resolving issues in family court cases in order to avoid tying up courtroom time. Many individuals with a masters in conflict management also become members of, and certified by, the American Arbitration Association.

Best of all, did you see it? I checked those darn Colorado schools over and over and over again for a reason for me to go there without success. But I missed one. And apparently, it's the most prestigious one.  UNIVERSITY OF DENVER, Conflict Dispute Resolution Institute offering a Master of Arts program... You can read about just how flippin' awesome DU appears to be, (and how insanely competitive, even though I had never heard of it) right over HERE.  It also happens to be the oldest college in Colorado and in my opinion the most beautiful. It's the college experience I never had and always wanted. What a gorgeous old campus. And a big fancy school. It's a private school, but it's non-profit. I think it just officially became my dream school.  



...But how am I ever going to get there with my undergraduate GPA. looming behind me? Let me tell you, it's not good.  All of the schools also require some type of testing as well, but it varies. Some of the schools will take my old LSAT score, which is fine. But DU, and many of the other schools are going to require that I take the GRE. Which in the past has totally freaked me out. (That thing has MATH on it!)  It's the combination of my undergrad GPA and my GRE score that are going to get me into school here. Like I said, my GPA is nothing to brag about;  overall undergrad GPA was 2.889, with my upper division GPA coming in at 3.1 or 3.01, I forget.  Not impressive for graduate school. My high school GPA was 2.89... Sadly consistent.  I wish I could go back and care about grades... I always just did what needed to be done to get things done. The only classes I really tried in were Math- and that's because I was TERRIBLE at it. I worked really hard for C's, maybe a few B's, and definitely one A in a remedial Pre-Algebra class I "tested" into even though I had already passed Pre-Alg in junior high just fine. (Always my weak point. I'll pass the class and fail the placement exam every time. Did the same thing when I went to college. Back to Pre-Alg! WTFreak? I passed Geometry and Advanced Algebra just fine people, stop giving me placement tests and I'll stop failing them!) So, given my GPA, this means I'm going to need a fantastic GRE score... or go to a school that will take my LSAT score, like University of Oregon. The GRE really intimidates me and is a huge amount of work, commitment on top of my already crazy schedule and let's face it, mental problems. lol I would have to start working on it soon too, like, now. Scary.


For those of you that have taken the GRE, or had spouses or close friends take the GRE... how has it gone? What's your advice or recommendations about it? The test will be changing as of August and they will be making dramatic changes. I read an excerpt about it in a Princeton Review book and they flat out did not have nice things to say about it.  They don't think it has been done well, or sufficiently tested, and the exam has been lengthened from 2.5 hours to 3 hours, 40 minutes. Sort of a dramatic difference. They've also changed the scoring. From a 1600 total  point scale it will go to a 170 total point scale. (Huh?) So now I'm in a bit of a straight... Do I test in the middle of July under the sturdy old testing system,  meaning I have approximately 6-7 weeks to prepare? Or do I have faith in the new test, and can test in, say, September or October. 


Which is the right choice?


And again, is this the right choice for me?


Gotta say again, finding the U of Denver thing was SUPER exciting... That the school was so beautiful and historical... it was just everything I wanted was amazing. But the average undergraduate applicant (coming in from HS) is in the top 25% of their class. That was definitely not Emily. I need a GRE that dazzles... Can I do that in July? Can I do that at all?  If I take the GRE I have more choices in schools to apply to... But it's alot more for me to take on. And is this the right path? Now I feel maybe like Oregon is where I'm supposed to go. But is that because I've been working on trying to give up the CO idea? Or because I want to be by my Mom?


I can't even tell you how annoying it is to be an insecure, wishy-washy, freaked out person after never having been that way. I don't feel confidant in myself or my abilities anymore,  especially my decision making abilities and I need a lot of reassurance. (This is the therapy kicking in here.) I'm so grateful for therapy for helping me recognize this change in myself, and of course I understand that after such a huge shock and deception such as my experience with Matt, questioning my judgement now is only natural. It will take time for me to trust myself again. But right now, I need a lot of feedback and just, well, help. But where do I get that help outside of this blog?


For some reason I haven't wanted to talk about this much with the friends and family I do usually speak to on a regular basis, which is odd. I've just been talking about it here. Apparently, you are a privileged bunch. My dad, whom I am really close to and talk to just about every other day or so, doesn't know anything about it.