That time I ran into my ex and his ex.

It was a Friday. Over the last couple of months I have fallen into a pretty solid routine. Sundays I go to the Farmer's market. Then Trader Joe's. Then the record store. But this was a Friday, I was home, and I felt this pretty strong urge to go to Trader Joe's. I wanted this chicken salad thing that cost almost $5 and I couldn't really afford. I himmed and haa'ed and finally got dressed to go.

It was around 5:40pm and I pulled up just as the after work rush arrived. I scanned the parking lot with a bit of paranoia, checking for Daniel's car. The closest Trader Joe's to my house is a bit of a drive- and right near his work. I have absolutely no idea what his shopping routine is, and suddenly I felt awash with anxiety that I might run into him. Any time I went out in Midtown I felt this overwhelming anxiety. Worry that I would. Hope that I would. It's not that I didn't ever want to see him again- I did. But I wasn't really ready to. But I also felt this heightened awareness that he was probably going to move away as soon as he graduated. Although that was not part of his plans when we were together, or when he was with his ex, I just had this strong intuition that he was going to bail once he graduated. I felt like time was running out. And yet, I wasn't ready to see him either.

I kept my head down, staring to my right at the cars in the lot as I walked blindly into the store- and straight into a tall, warm body- and their mosquito sized breasts. I stumbled back, fairly startled.

And then did a double take.

In my distracted state, I had walked straight into the exit, and right into Daniel's ex.

She smiled at me, slowly, sort of like a pod person. Like her head was full of cotton. She stepped back easily and calmly and took even, smooth steps again towards the parking lot to her little white car. She had the most perfect hair I had ever seen in my life. Like a fucking Panteen commercial. Each curl perfectly formed and held. They bounced in precision too.

I stared. I probably drooled too. I mean, every brain cell I had cracked out of my head and dumped onto the sidewalk the second I had walked into her, I was so surprised. Never in the months since I had found out about the existence of this person had it ever occurred to me that I needed to worry about running into her. The perfect human. The human who broke my Daniel's heart and rendered him incapable of moving forward in our relationship, and essentially ruined our relationship. Of course, this is also Daniel's fault. Mostly Daniel's fault. But if we are each a little kinder and more adult in our own break ups, maybe the lovers we leave behind wouldn't be so fucked up for the next person

I just stood there, in the exit staring as the little white car backed up and pulled out of the lot before stumbling into the entrance and attempting to shop. Except I couldn't. I was shaking. I called my best friend, Kristin and paced around the store recounting the story. I noticed a middle age woman started following me around eavesdropping on my drama. I didn't even care. I don't remember if I bought anything. I was so out of it.

I head on to my favorite shop to work on job applications but 30 freaked out minutes later I have accomplished nothing and my anxiety is still raging. I stare, I dwell. I replay the moment over and over again in my head. Why the hell was she there? I didn't even think she lived in Sacramento. I thought she lived like 30 minutes away. Then I start ruminating on the fact that Daniel and she probably shopped at that Trader Joe's together as a couple. This makes my stomach churn. This was the relationship I thought I was going to have, and they had it. And I'm not going to get it. We aren't even speaking; we probably won't ever speak again because he is hung up on this woman with the perfect hair who treated him like crap and threw him out like garbage- like he did me.

I stare across the coffee shop and a familiar beat hits my ear. Fleetwood Mac. I sigh. Rhinanon. A song I love and have adored since childhood. I have been looking for the "Rumours" album on vinyl for about a month without success. I take it as a sign. I pack up my shit and head to the record store. I am being totally unproductive and sitting here is a waste.

I drive back across town and try to relax my body. The record store after the break up has become a place of solace for me. It was a place that Daniel introduced to me to, but it became a place that was my own. I parked the car and as I strode up to the door my eyes felt drawn up to a car crossing the intersection towards me. A black volkswagen. My eyes connected with the driver. A man with dark rimmed glasses and a beard. As he began to turn into the lot, our eyes connected and just as suddenly he turned the wheel and turned suddenly down the residential street. I froze. It was Daniel. he had been coming to the record store, saw me, and sped away.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I walked into the store and sped over to the vinyl section. I began to panic again. Did he really just speed away from me? Really? Did he leave or was he waiting for me to leave? Should I leave? Was he coming in here? My thoughts felt frantic. I flipped through the racks quickly. No Fleetwood Mac. I grabbed a Ryan Adams CD and fled the store for Target where I paced around for an hour trying to calm down. What the hell was that? Who does that? Maybe he just panicked. And what the hell is with seeing both of them on the same night? This is really what we have come down to? Running away from each other in a record store parking lot? Really?