Thank you

I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you to everyone who has tried to be there for me, who has reached out to me, shared their stories and offered your support.

Thank you to the people who prayed for me. Thank you so much to the people who have continued to pray for me.

Some of those prayers have helped me greatly.

In the last week I booked three weddings and I was able to come up with enough money to pay my rent. I also had a friend refer a family client to me, which also helped alot. The weddings are very small, two are elopements, and are taking place in the next couple of weeks, but I am so grateful for the income. Even the fact that they are elopements is something to be thankful for because it is so much less pressure on me emotionally. The third wedding is in November and the couple is taking advantage of some clearance pricing for 2010 weddings I put up to try and drum up some business. They are getting one of my regular packages for almost 50% off. But it is income, and I am so incredibly grateful and thankful and blessed to have received this help right now.

Thank you so much to everyone. And PLEASE keep it up. I still need you so, so much.

But I have a roof over my head for another month because of you.

Conflicting Opinions.

I feel confused.

On Friday, I received this email from a bride who did not hire me for her wedding, nor had I ever met her until the day of her wedding. She was very stand offish and not very eager to participate in photos. I was hired by the groom's mother and sister, whom picked me out based on their taste and style since the bride wasn't interested and wasn't going to have a photographer:


This is the review i have been posting about you...



DO NOT HIRE. I was very relaxed and flexible with my wedding but she ruined photo opportunities i will never have again. My pictures look like the ones my grandmother was taking and she is 85. They are not professional, they are blurry, and worst of all there is only a few of the two of us when there is 900 negatives. She didn't take the time to pose us or work with us! She kept pulling my dress so all my shots look awkward and my dress is off center! She held the camera at weird angles so every time i try to put a picture on the wall it looks sideways even in a frame! I have to photo-shop them myself to try and salvage them. Needless to say i'm still working on it! oh, and how do you make a 95pound girl look fat in pictures?! She refused to take pictures at one point because she was tired, when we only hired her 4 hours. Lastly, she didn't respond to me because she was going through some stupid break up (with a married man) and was whining and complaining the whole wedding! I didn't even get my pictures until 2.5 months later! Unprofessional, childish, awful photographer, and should not be invited to anyones wedding or ever hired.
Your immature and should change your career. You ruined my wedding photos.
Take a hint...
The bride







To be clear, there are 157 posed portraits of the couple together and 400 or more of them in total together. I was only hired for 3 hours. The bride never contacted me or corresponded with me in any way. I emailed her many times and cc'd her on every email I sent to the family because I figured she would want to be included but she never responded. I never spoke with any guests about anything personal because I didn't speak to any guests period. I simply didn't have time. I was only there for 3 hours and I was busting my hump the whole time. We took a 5 minute water break during pictures because it was over 100 degrees and we were in full sun- and I was dizzy and nauseated and on the verge of becoming ill. Water and my head between my knees and I was good to go. I made this clear at the time, and everyone was relieved to take a break since it was so hot, especially the women since they were standing in stilletos in the dirt. She posted this review 2 days after seeing the images online on a site where you can order the images through mailorder. It takes a minimum of a week to receive the images, so it's literally physically impossible for her to have gotten any prints in her hands in that period of time. The only time I ever touched her dress was to fluff the train to the front for the group shots, as is standard and normal. Also, they got married on August 7th. Their images posted online 7 weeks and 2 days after their wedding. She posted this review 7 weeks and 4 days after the wedding. As she had not even been married two months at the time she posted the review, it is physically impossible for her to claim that she didn't get the pictures for 2.5 months and even if she did, the turnover time on the images was 8-12 weeks... I finished them early...! It is also part of my policy and part of my contract with my clients that I do not delete a single image I shoot. So, a blurry image shot on accident, or while I was test shooting would not be deleted or cleared off the card. It's part of their package. They get everything I shoot, good or bad, because it gives them the control to decide what they like and want. Something I think is garbage, they may want. I'd rather let them decide since it is THEIR day, not mine. Many people hire me just because I have this policy.


And you all know I was not going through a break up, and for her to make a comment like that about him being married, insinutating the worst of every circumstance is below the belt on every count. The only reason she knew about that was because this wedding took place on August 7th. I found out that my sweetheart, supposed future husband and father of my future children was living a dual identity under a fake name and had an entire separate family on August 3rd. The week prior, this same couple called off their wedding. Somewhere in the August 2-3-4th range they put it back on and tried to rearrange things with me. This is what I told the groom, and his response:







Hi Guys,




Final confirmation is below. I think you emailed me earlier this week. I am sorry I haven't been able to get back to you. This is sharing way too much information but I found out my boyfriend of the last year and a half whom I was making wedding plans with is married with a child. I haven't really been on my email. I am sorry if I distressed you in any way. It has been probably the worst week of my life. I am looking forward to the distraction of work this weekend... happy people sounds wonderful right now...

And he wrote back :

Im so sorry to hear the news. And like my mom just told me because we sent her the master itineray which has stuff like open presents, pack up car, go pee and GO HOME. No information is too much! HahahaI hope that you feel better and it will be nice to be surrounded by happy people. Oh and just in case I have an amazing amount of single friends ;)

They were the only people outside of two or three people I told that week. We absolutely did not discuss it at the wedding. If we had, I would have crawled in a hole somewhere, under a chair or table and just stayed there. Making it through that wedding at all was a huge triumph. I smiled, I joked, and I did everything I could to be my usual self. I was more my self at that wedding than I was at any wedding since- where I have forgotten to do certain poses and such. Her entire review is fiction.



Her review was posted on a much trafficed wedding website where it would be seen by a huge number of people, whom would of course assume that I am a horrible person with subpar morals and values. I was pretty hysterical over the whole thing. Moreso over the references to Matt than anything else. Why she did this, I have really no idea, except that she is pregnant and it appears didn't want to get married in the first place and is projecting her unhappiness on me. But that is not fair and WHY AM I BEING PUNNISHED AGAIN? She could seriously destroy my business with a review like that. And the entire review, in its entiritey is MADE UP. I also found out that the review was cross listed with an affiliated site, so it was showing up on TWO highly trafficked sites!

Here are some of her horrible pictures.

In contrast, when I forwarded the email to her mother in law, who is my actual client, her response started off with, "I am mortified..." Here is the review she wrote me on the same website:

I have a very different perspective on the August 7 wedding shoot for my son and new daughter than was shared by the bride. I was very pleased with how easy Emily was to work with and how understanding and real she was. She has a very positive encouraging approach which makes the picture taking process go smoothly. She captured the vibe of the wedding and the pictures are beautiful. When issues came up, she very professionally dealt with them. I would highly recommend her services to anyone who wants hassle free picture taking and the opportunity to choose from every single image shot.


The sister in law made some comment about her being on another planet, and that she thought she was a scam artist.

I feel confused. I have received additional nasty threatening emails from the bride, detailing and outlining my unprofessional behavoir, all of which is untrue. In the two responses I have written her I have apologized and told her how sorry I was to hear she was unhappy and offered her several consolations to remedy the matter (more edits, she dictates the edits, I can do them on my own, I can comp them a bridal session or a maternity session, etc). And asked just what can I do to help you, and ignored most of her attacks, except to state that she needed to remove all references to my personal life from the review. 4 days later and it's still there. I reported it to the web master and it's now being adminstratively reviewed.

This whole thing is a huge blow to my ego and I feel grossly insecure. It's easy for me to buy into other people's criticisms of my work because *I* am highly critical of my work. Although most of her complaints are against me personally, and aren't about specific images (this is too dark, this is blown out, my head's cut off, etc) I still focus in on the negativity of my work and although I was happy with it at first the more emails I get from her the more I look at my work and feel not good enough, despite what the rest of her family says.

I feel really down on myself and confused. Basically, I feel like a big steaming pile of dog poo. I also don't know if the review is going to actually be removed or not, and unless I am validated by it being removed.... I feel like she must be right. If it stays up, of course everything she says must be true... although I know she is lying and can factually prove she is lying.

And then of course I find out about things like this:

where weddings I have shot are featured on the front page of local news websites and I am quotes in articles about it and people are sending the link to their friends.

I feel confused.

Wordless Wednesday

How I spent my rare Saturday off...

Yup, I went to Apple Hill again. It was more relaxing this time. I got there earlier, went more places, got more donuts, more carmellows, and laid down in the orchard for longer. It was better.

Sorry for my scandalous attire... I was wearing the sweater during the day but took it off for the picture. My new year's resolution every year is to take more pictures of myself and pay more compliments.

PS I think the angle is very deceptive... Although, those are size 8 jeans. That is a size I have never worn in my life. Please also note I HAD to wear the sweater because of the serious muffin top I had to hide.

On Sunday I was playing with THIS:

Errr, well technically I was working, but it didn't much feel like it. I did seriously contemplate stealing her. And as you can plainly see, I am perfectly capable of taking crappy snapshots, as well as professional pictures. It just depends on whose paying. lol

The full blog post is on my work blog: http://eheizerphotography.blogspot.com/2010/10/strawberry-shorkcake-anyone-baby.html

She was so cute, I loved her. I really hope I get to take her first birthday pictures in January. It would be so fun!

The First Supper

As we all know, I've been struggling with eating. Living off turkey sandwiches on wonderbread is not exactly normal.

So I have a big announcement! Today, for the first time since everything happened, I had a Lean Cuisine! I did! And I ate it! and I didn't throw it up!

Let's review THE FIRST SUPPER.

It was a chicken veggie bacon ranch diet flatbread thing for around 350 calories. It was a bit too flavorfull. Too creamy. The chicken was a bit much and I fed some of it to the cats. But I did eat it. So that's good...

Unfortuately, it also made me sick. It gave me a really horrible stomache ache and it went right through me. Not so good.

But I tried something else....

***

Earlier today, or maybe it was yesterday I went over to my blog, this blog. And I saw my header staring back at me. And it surprised me. I felt stunned and a little sick and I had to change the page.

***

Meet me on Monday

1. What is the best dish you can make?

Hmmm. I have absolutely no idea! My favorite thing to make for myself is probably veggie fajitas: red and yellow bell peppers, red onions, summer squash and zuchini dry stir fried with pam and garlic salt, loaded in a tortilla warmed in the pan, and spread with fresh guacamole, made with creamy avodcado, garlic salt, lime juice, little chopped red onion, finely chopped cilantro. Sometimes I do pico, sometimes I do tomatos, salsa. More often than not I just go the simple route.

In my family I am known for my pies.

I'm not really sure if I have a best dish!

2. How often do you change your sheets?

...You're supposed to change your sheets?

3. What is the longest car trip you have ever taken?

We drove all over the western US as a family trip when I was 8. We went from Orange County CA to Las Vegas to Nebraska, Kansas, South Dakota, Yellostone... we went everywhere. More recently with me driving I went from Sacramento CA to Provo, UT. That was over 10 hours.

4. What is your favorite fruit?

I really am not a fruit person. But my favorite would have to be a HUCKLEBERRY! Even though I have never eaten an actual fresh hucklberry. I have only ever had huckleberry jam, preserves, candy, etc. But it's my favorite. Otherwise I guess I would say raspberries or boysenberries, strawberries? Not really a big fruit person. It usually rots in my fridge if I buy it. As an adult I have wised up and now I freeze it.

5. Would you rather have breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast?

Okay, this so confused me at first. But I would rather have breakfast for breakfast and dinner for dinner! Aren't we allowed to think INSIDE the box!? I guess if I have to pick breakfast for dinner is okay. But dinner for breakfast would be okay too. I do that half the time anyway! When you don't get out of bed until 3, or if you just plain old don't eat your first meal of the day until 9pm at night, well then, aren't you eating dinner for breakfast?

Wondering

#1 I am breaking out in hives.

#2 I keep finding approximately inch long white hairs growing out of the top of my head. WHAT? An inch implies new growth, which implies that it is some sort of stress factor related to all of this. So are you telling me I am going to be some balding white haired lady before I'm 30? Are you KIDDING me?

#3 I went to the anxiety class; I had them bill me. I'm not going to go to the depression support group. Of course the second I typed that I now feel overwhelemed with anxiety about not going and I don't know if I can handle not going even though I can't afford it and AHHHHH.

#4 I started wondering today (well it's 330am so I guess yesterday) whether I had betrayed Matt because I went and told his wife when I found out instead of going to him to discuss it and talk about it with him. Did I betray our relationship by doing that? Suddenly I feel like I"ve done something wrong, like I wronged him, like maybe he is angry with me. It made me upset. My thinking is probably convaluted but it made me upset to think about that.

#5 Some man tried to approach me on the street while I was trying to look at a flyer for a house and wouldn't leave me alone. There was probably nothing wrong with him, but I couldn't bear to look up at him and just kept looking at the paper and trying to walk away and make him go away. I don't know what to do. I don't want them to talk to me. I don't want MEN to talk to me. I want them to go away. They scare me, they make me anxious, I'm afraid they are going to do something to me, I'm afraid they are going to hurt me and I want to run away and cry when they approach me but that makes me a crazy person so I have to find something else to do, so what do I do???

#6 Allison, my friend, assigned me the homework of inspecting some random man's shoes in my anxiety class as some sort of desensitizing exercise. I got there late and ended up sitting by the door so while I was staring at the floor, per usual, I got to check out everyone's shoes when they came in. I think I saw work boots and blue flip flops and some nasty old man's bare feet again. Am I cured now?

I want to SCREAM and THROW THINGS I am so frustrated!