HELP! I need somebody, HELP!

I am trying to find this darn blog that I can't remember the name of!!! lol It's a big blog, a popular blog, lots of readers and followers.

I'm pretty sure it's a food blog, but I could be wrong. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm not even really sure what the blog is about- which obviously makes finding it through googling alot harder!

I just have this pictre in my head of this blog that I liked and I can't even remember what it was! Likely either food, or homekeeping. Maybe someone can help! The top of the blog is very colorful, I think it shows a picture of a retro kitchen. The background color is white. There is a woman, the writer of the blog in a svelt, form fitting 50's-60's style dress and high heel pumps. I think she's got her hand over her mouth like "Uh oh!" and one foot popped up in the back. I know this is totally random but anybody recognize this? I want to say it has something like "In a cupcake!" in the name, but when I google that, I'm not finding it... I also had the name Lulu pop into my head too but I can't find anything that way either! And it's been so long since I was on the blog it's not in my history anymore. Anybody?

"Coffee Date" Dress (A Frock by Friday)

Funny considering my last post was about my first date at a coffee place and this project I'm working on is called "Coffee Date!"

This week I am participating in the "Frock by Friday" challenge/group project on my favorite sewing website, Grosgrain! I have never made a dress before, but have really been wanting to for quite a few months now- made a really bad attempt a few months back- it did not go over so well. (That may be what happens when you just make it up as you go along. lol)

This time, I am following along with a new post every day this week with instructions from Grosgrain, and I downloaded the pattern for free as a pdf from Bruda Style. I had to print out the pattern, tape it all together and then cut it out, but it was just fine! I barely screwed that part up at all!

What's great about this, is that Grosgrain is doing this to help us less advanced, or beginner, or first time sewers how to put a dress together. We're all working on the same pattern and can leave comments each day when we get confused or stuck on a step. I feel like it's just as good as a sewing class so far and I am pretty proud of myself!

I have the skirt pieced together, but I just wanted to take a picture of the top so far. What do you think?

The pattern we are working off of was a free download, which was great. Bummer is, it is a pattern designed just by some random person- they made the pattern themself, which is totally awesome, but there were a couple of (easy to fix) mistakes. The problem I am having is that the top is way too small. Now, the lady who writes Grosgrain had the exact same problem and she is teeny-tiny- but she's breastfeeding, and commented that she is bustier than usual. Well, I am bustier than the average gal, and I think that's the problem. Because of my bust, it's making the top really short. So I left a comment on Grosgrain to ask her for advice on what I should do. It barely makes it over my chest. I really don't want it to look like am empire waisted dress when it's supposed to be a traditional a-line dress! LOL

Also, this pattern is sleeveless, but so many people asked to make sleeves that Grosgrain made or tracked down a sleeve pattern for us, but since this is my first dress at all, and I am just barely making it through as-is AND I have huge arms, I figured I would save that challenge for the next dress. Which I already bought the fabric for. lol The next one is red. I'm going to use the same pattern as a base and then modify it, which I think I will be able to do just fine on my own since I've got something to jump off of. For that one I am going to do 3/4 length sleeves, hopefully a boatneck, and hopefully some cute pleating/ruffles on the bottom. We will see how the rest of this goes!

First Anniversary

Well, here we are! We have had a topsy-turvy year and maybe it hasn't been a continuous relationship, but today is the anniversary of Matt & I's first date. (Cue "Awwww"'s)

We started talking/chatting the previous February, but we didn't manage to get together until one year ago today, April 27th. It was a Monday and we planned to meet at Starbucks. He had just gotten back from a guy's trip to Hawaii with a married guy friend from college, but I think his sunburn was just about gone by then.

I remember on the morning-of that I was running around trying to get ready, and after months of just texting, he suddenly starts calling me. Like over and over again! I am trying to get ready boy! He kept teasing me and trying to get me to hurry up because he got to Starbucks HALF AN HOUR early! And ok, Emily runs on "Duggar time" if you know what that means. I think our date was like 11am in the morning too... Imagine Emily being conscious at all at that hour being that I work from home. Right... It could have been UGLY! Lucky for Matty I set the alarm!

I wore green loose fitting linen-type cargo-ish capris on bottom and I can't remember what I wore on top now! :-O I think it was a shirt and sweater. I know I had on flip flops and had recently had a pedicure from when I was visiting Kristin in Utah- Matt specifically commented on my fancy toes, so that was easy to recall!

Matt and I talked on the phone while I drove to West Sac to the Starbucks on Reed Avenue by Ikea. Ironically, this was also the Starbucks in which I shared my last beverage and ate my last dinner with my ex-boyfriend, and where I had studied so many hours and was stalked by that horrid man when I was in law school. At least I managed to pave over this site with some more positive feelings!

He had asked what car I drove, so he was all prepared when I pulled up and got out of his truck and met me on the sidewalk the second I stepped up! He appeared like, out of nowhere I remember. I think he had a red shirt on, I KNOW he had lightwash jeans on, and the HORROR- blindingly white sneakers!!! Yelch! And his jeans were like, somewhat tucked into the tops of his shoes! It was awful! LOL Good thing he's cute! I have no idea why he dressed like that when we first met because I have learned he has great taste. He has like every collared shirt Express ever made and I've only seen him wear this great pair of dark, fashionably loose/comfy jeans since. He sort of looked like his closet threw up on him at this particular moment, but you know... I dated my very unattractive ex for three years, whom I referred to as "the ugly cowboy" for the first six months of our relationship. Emily knows that love is blind. LOL

The first thing I commented on was how skinny he was. He seemed miffed. then he accused me of fancy toes. the battle was ON!

We chatted in line, he got a white chocolate fluffy iced mocha with no whip (he said he couldn't afford the calories, LOL) and I got hot fruity blueberry tea with splenda. You know, that was my beverage of choice in law school because it has no calories and is cheap but still exciting because it is all blueberryish, but I think our first date might have been the last time I ever got it. Hmm! I remember my tea was too hot and I had to take the lid off to let it cool. Matt nervously shook his iced drink after basically every sip, which just made me more and more relaxed and calm because I could see how nervous he was.

At some point I had to use the restroom, and when I think of this, I still totally cringe, because for some reason, I just flat out said, "I need to pee." The second the words came out of my mouth I wanted to die. Why did I have to be so crude!! I was so embarrassed. Why couldn't I just say I needed to use the ladies or use the powder room or something like a real lady would! Ugh, the horror!

We talked for around two hours, mostly about his job and criminal justice type stuff. Finally we left! And that was it!

Except the second I pulled out of the parking lot he called me to tell me I rolled through the stop sign.

I said it then, and I still maintain my original statement: I DID NOT!

lol

Things sure do change quickly around here!

In my last personal post, I told you about how I had been struggling with how I should plan out my future since it looked like Matt would be relocating to Oregon after his stint at FLETC in Georgia. And guess what? He's thinking he might not go now! lol



What will I ever do with this man? lol



He's informed me he just has this strong gut feeling that it's not the right choice. That's all he could give me.



With every decsion he makes... I understand him more and more. I don't know why, but he's just starting to make sense to me! lol



I was and am surprised about this new development, and it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I was quite upset when he told me he was accepting the job with ATF because he would be gone so long, move so far away, and would potentially lose all of his backpay from the CHP. But then, as I always do, I got used to it, accepted it, and embraced it. I even designed my own "I love my Apecial Agent" t-shirt! And I ordered a ATF zip up sweatshirt! Here's a picture:





It says "Alcohol, Tobbacco & Firearms: Who's bringing the food?"

lol Obviously I got it just to be funny.


lol So now, what am I going to do with my new clothes?! lol


I looked up the return policy with Cafe Press and I've got 30 days to return them, so I guess Matt has 30 days to decide whether he is taking this position or not!


He doesn't have any new offers other than what I've already mentioned, but that doesn't mean he won't get more. It's totally possible he could get offered a job with ATF much closer to home- like in San Francscio, which would be great- way closer to home, to his parents, to me. I don't know if that's what he is thinking in the back of his head or not, but it's a possibility.

I was driving around a couple of days ago and I was overcome with this flood of memories of when I used to drive out to Fairfield to meet Matt for lunch in our early days of dating. I think one week I drove out there 4 days in a row. Each day I went out he would fuss over me for driving so far and get a puppy-dog look on his face and say how wonderful I was for doing that. Then he'd say how worried he was about me driving out there, the gas, the miles on my car... lol He always paid for my lunch and gave me some hugs and kisses so it felt like a fair trade to me! He still has never once let me pay for anything. Never! Even when he came last week to visit and we walked around the corner to get something to drink he wouldn't let me pay, and wouldn't even let me bring my purse so I "couldn't try anything." lol The gentlemen in him is cute.

Anyway, thinking about those days, last spring.., he was so, so happy doing his job. He never had any discontent or worry when he worked out of the Fairfield office. He saw his folks every other weekend, he got lots of daytime shifts... He was happy there. Meeting him at work, (checking him out in his super cute uniform!) sharing a meal and chatting was so fun. I loved that. Our second date, we met at Kinder's (a BBQ place near his office) for lunch and we shared a hug for the first time! I miss that. I gave him some Kinder's BBQ sauce for Christmas (they sell it, it's so good!) but it's just not the same. The pace of his life here was just completely different.


It makes me sad.

There is still a possibility he can go back to the CHP. He hasn't heard from them yet. He had expressed to me quite bitterly that he didn't want to. But he loved his job and if he went back his life wouldn't have to undergo any of these massive changes. It's the simplest solution. I wonder if he is hoping again that that door isn't quite shut yet...

The one year anniversary of our first official date is on Tuesday, April 27th! :)

Reester Eggs (updated)

I got this recipe from the"Never Growing Old" blog, and I gotta say... making the double batch is probably wise... or not if you're dieting... lol Because they are soooo good!

Here is the recipe link to NGO's blog and here are my pictures from the ones I made at Easter!

Recipe for Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs: http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com/2010/03/creamy-peanut-butter-eggs-mmmmmm_23.html

Here is the recipe pasted in below from her blog, but I have added in my notes and changed things here and there, but there are pictures on NGO's blog of the process as you go along if you need it!

Single Batch Recipe

3/4 pound butter (3 sticks) (do not use margarine) Room Temperature
2 pounds Powdered Sugar
13 oz. Marshmellow Creme
2 lbs. Peanut Butter (Jif seems to taste the best)
2 1/2 lbs. Chocolate Coating Disks (see below)



Double Batch Recipe
1 1/2 pound butter (6 sticks) (do not use margarine) Room Temperature
4 pounds Powdered Sugar
26 oz. Marshmellow Creme
4 lbs. Peanut Butter (Jif seems to taste the best)
5 lbs. Chocolate Coating Disks (see below)

These directions are for the double batch!
Once the butter is soft, use electric mixer and beat the butter and 1 pound powdered sugar on medium speed until creamy.
Add the 26 oz. marshmellow cream.
Beat with mixer on medium speed until mixed.
Add the 4 lbs of Peanut Butter
Beat with mixer on medium speed until smooth
Next add the remaining 3 pounds of powdered sugar a pound at a time... take your time, it's going to be a little thick.
Lay wax paper on cookie sheets. Shape mixture into oval eggs. Place on cookie sheets.
Put cookie sheets in refrigerator for several hours or freezer for 45 minutes. They have to be really cold before you can dip them in the chocolate.
After they are cold, melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Or, heat the chocolate at 30 second intervals in the microwave. Stir every 30 seconds until the chocolate looks glossy. Be careful not to burn it!
Once the chocolate is ready use a skewer, a stick, a chopstick, SOMETHING thin and pokey. I forget what I used. I might have used a fork and careful covered up the poke holes by laying the egg down on that side. I might have scooped it instead of stabbing it too.
 Dip one egg at time...let the excess drip off.

You can make your eggs alittle fancier if you want by drizzling some of the excess chocolate over an egg that has already been dipped. My first batch I did that, and the second, third and fourth batches (ahem) I heated up white chocolate, dyed the chocolate some Eastery looking colors and drizzled that on top to make it look pretty and festive.


Some extra tips:
You can't heat all the chocolate at once, it cools too fast...(and you can't do all the eggs at once, they heat up to room temp too fast) ...while the chocolate is heating, put the eggs that you didn't dip back into the refrigerator or better yet, FREEZER...take one tray out at a time..keeping the other trays cold. You can use a paper towel to wipe off your tool after each dip. (I didn't do that though) The colder the egg, the easier it is to dip.

I made a few changes to the recipe, and I was really happy with the outcome. I tried doing closer to the regular way on my second batch, but I think I still prefer my altered recipe.

In addition to the peanut butter, powdered sugar, butter and marshmellow fluff for the filling, I also added a bunch of wheat germ. I didn't measure, but it might have been as much as half of the standard size jar. I just kept adding it under the dough was firmer, but still clumped when rolled. I think the wheat germ really helps mimic the texture of a real reese's and also adds a bit of healthiness to it too. If I make these again, I will also add fiber powder to it too... can never have too much fiber! LOL

The second change I made was with the chocolate coating. Instead of using chocolate melting discs, I used nicer chocolate and just added some vegetable oil while it was melting to get it to the right consistency.

I made a batch with cadbury dairy milk and hershey's chocolate bars, and dilluted a bit down with the cheap "almond bark" brand of chocolate to stretch it and save some money. I did another batch, also with the almond bark brand chocolate, and that other brand of chocolate... not toblerone... Ferrera? Not Ferrera Roche... Whatever the brand of chocolate which makes the chocolate bars in the shapes of oranges? That brand, I got a couple of oranges, but they were plain chocolate flavored. I think those made the best ones, but all were delish. I can't say enough about this recipe- it's awesome!

Peace

I don't know how or when or why, but at some point recently, all of the stress and confusion I've experienced in this relationship with Matt... just faded away. It's just mostly gone. I have no doubt that he is the right person for me, and I am the right person for him. We are totally in love and just crazy about each other. I don't know how things will work out; I can flippantly say, maybe they won't work out. But I don't believe that. I believe it will. I just can't put my finger on it, and I wish I could, because I could articulate my feelings so much better if I understood this. I think slowly over time, my insecurities just kind of faded and maybe I just really accepted that there are things in our lives right now that we cannot control. I can't control what happened with our jobs, I can't control our families health, nor can I control either of our emotions or emotional health. The only thing I can control is my reaction to those things. And, I have chosen to celebrate those things worthy of joy... no matter how big or small.

Matty got a fantastic new job working as a special agent for the federal government. It is awesome. The only unawesome thing about it is he will be shipped off for training in the south for about six months. It's going to be hard, but, I think we are better prepared this time for the separation.

After training, his post is going to be in Portland. Pretty far. We haven't figured this out yet, and we do need to have a talk to figure out what we each want to do. Matt doesn't want to live together until we get married (just like as roomates), but I'm not very willing to move to another state where I don't know anyone, and then not be with my partner.

I also have some choices to make about my education. I am going to continue on with a graduate education. In what, I have no idea. The two two contenders are currently a.) law school or b.) a master's in social work. An MSW has been in the lead in the last few months, but since Matt got that job, suddenly an MSW just doesn't seem good enough. Does that make sense? He's a federal agent... married to a social worker? No.... A federal agent, married to an attorney? Now that sounds better... But do I want to go back to law school? The longer I am out of school the more I doubt my intelligence and my capabilities of being successful in law school. But why? The only answer I have for that is insecurity, and the erosion of my stamina due to my depression... It's hard to believe that you are capable of being a dedicated, hardworking student when it's exhausting to just go to the grocery store.

Also... if I were to go back to law school, which state am I going to go to school in? Law school is a 3 or 4 year committment depending on the program. If I don't go to Oregon and live separately from Matt up there, and I go back to school, I will be unable to move or get married for up to 4 years. That's a long time. But, if I moved up there, and went to school, that would be ok for ahwile, but I suspect that Matt (and I) would always have the goal of coming back to California... in which case I would need to pass the California bar. Rule of thumb is you should go to law school in the state in which you plan to practice. If I plan on practicing in California at any time... really it would be much wiser to go to school here because the CA bar is so much more difficult.

If I were to get an MSW, it wouldn't matter where I went to school, and if I needed to transfer, I could. Transfers are possible in law school, but it is much, much more difficult and I don't know if it's possible to transfer across state lines.

I have some big decisions to make, and I really need to talk those out with my partner; my Matty, but if anyone else has any input or advice, that would be wonderful.

My life to-do list right now is as follows:

Find a job, or volunteer opportunity where I could get a reccomendation letter from my employer.

Study for and take the GRE or the LSAT (again)

Apply to schools

Go to school.

I have been stuck on step 1 for a year. Carmen recently emphasized to me how important it was to have volunteering on my resume particularly when I am "unemployed." This is something I haven't really realized in the past, but when she said it, it really made sense and clicked with me. Since then I also heard another random person online say it as well. Hearing it from two totally different unaffiliated sources helps reinforce that in my mind.

I'm stuck on whether I should persue volunteering, or a regular job. I'm struggling finding a job because I don't have the sufficient experience at the levels at which I would like to work, and I am overqualified, and therefore not even considered for the lower positions. Volunteering would give me a loophole, but "giving up" (that's what it feels like) and doing that is emotionally draining and overall, exhausting. It also ties me to my photography work indefinietly. That doesn't make me so happy.

It was funny though, I told Matt, if I was just going to be a stay at home mom, I would totally be ok with being a photographer. Because it would be for fun...

OH! Also, one more thing. I mentioned the tattoo that Matt got a couple of posts ago. It is not as big as he made it out to be. Apparently he was trying to freak me out to be funny. lol It is not visible in a short sleeved t-shirts. Unfortunately, he does not plan on it being the last one. He wants to cover his other arm. I hate this so much... But I can't stop him, and thank goodness, working in law enforcement forbids having any visible tattoos, so he will never get one that shows. So it will just be me looking at these things, or when he goes swimming. Maybe we can hide them from my Dad forever then...