What if there had never been any stroke?

What do you think would have happened to Matt and I? Where do you think we would be- in the world, in our relationship-whatever- if his dad almost a year ago now had not had that stroke?

Because of the stroke, and subsequent hospitalization from complications due to the medication they gave him to stop the stroke, Matt's Dad was in the hospital for a couple of weeks- and gave everyone in the family a big scare since he is the patriarch. Because of that:

Matt rented out his house here and moved 2 hours away and in to his parents house.

He started working out of a new office with new co-workers who all treated him like crap, didn't respond to his calls for back up and overall made his work life (which he had always loved) miserable.

He became depressed because of the two previous items.

Then his dog died- Bailey broke his back (he was a dauchshund) at his parent's house and had to be put down.

Shortly after, Matt lost his job with the force.

30 or so days later, his house foreclosed.

He had to testify, essentially against his co-workers at his wrongful termination hearing in Feburary, the results of which he is still waiting for.

He now lives at home, basically no income, no house, credit ruined by that foreclosure, no job, no dog. He is very depressed and I certainly don't blame him.

A year ago, he had everything. Happy, well adjusted guy, ready to get married and start a family. Very happy in his career, family life, financially secure, just looking for the right woman and then the puzzle would be complete.

If his dad had never had that stroke... honestly, where do you think he and I would be right now?

Currently we are in a holding pattern waiting for things to be resolved... As we approach the one year mark of the stroke in a few weeks, my mind has wandered to what could have been, but it's hard for me to picture anything other than reality. But really, really... what do you think?

"She's cookoo for Coco Puffs"

I have returned from my great advernture in Washington DC for my destination wedding clients Nicki & Dustin, whom are part of my bestie Kristin's extended family and had a fabulous time! It actually made me feel a little sad (I teared up momentarily in the car on the ride to the airport!) because I really wish I had a family like their family. THAT is what I have been missing and wantin all my life. THAT is what made me declare as a Family & Consumer Sciences major (Home Ec) when I applied to school. I wanted to be a mom and have a family ASAP so I could have THAT. It was wonderful to see a REAL family come together...

Anyway, now that I am home, I am catching up on my favorite show. REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY.

(throws self on floor, laughing hysterically)

This is BY FAR the best show of all the housewives shows. If you don't watch it, you should. How else can you get these little one liner gems like "She's cookoo for Coco Puffs" from Bethenny Frankel? Or, if you're missing your daily dose of crazy, how about a "She's trying to killl me in my sleep with a butter knife," from Krazy Kelly? This was the best episode of the entire series and I laughed so hard I cried. These poor ladies are nuts and in the last 5 minutes of the episode they actually realized that the cookoo lady actually needs genuine HELP because something is genuinely OFF. But man, watching her have a nervous breakdown on camera screaming about jelly beans and butter knifes.... ROTFL Oh, my.

LOL

Here is a link to the last episode that aired on Thursday (while I was gone.) It's usually on Bravo at 10pm Thursdays. It is rated TV 14.

Click the "Play Video in New Window" line, and you'll get a pop up with the episode. Click the red play button, you'll get a garbage pop up, which you can just close, and then click the play button again (which will now be green).

http://www.yidio.com/show/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city/season-3/episode-12/1217287

I'm seriously crying I'm laughing so hard. I can't WAIT until Bethenny's new show premeires. LOL LOL LOL

Childbirth Choices

(This is mostly a rant.)

"Women have a right to give birth how they choose, without drugs if they don't want them, without a cesarean section if it's not necessary, and, if it's safe, in their own homes. "

I have a friend who is 41 weeks, 3 days pregnant with her first baby.

I am going to lay a nickel down the on the table right now and bet she's going to have a c-section. (Raise eyebrow).

I can smell it.

They decided to induce her day before yesterday, 24 hours of pitocin and she dilated to a 1. They wanted to continue to intervene, but they also gave her the option of going home, which she decided to take, and is now back at the hospital again I think.

I have been spending WAY too much time on the "Unassisted Childbirth" messageboards on IVillage the last 6 months or so, and the year or two before that, reading stories on the "Negative Birth Experiences Board."

It's turning me into a hippie.

What I get out of all of the information I have gathered, through scholarly articles, midwives, nurses, moms, homebirth advocates, etc., is that the hospital community is sort of working on a deadline with each laboring woman in the hospital. You sort of have only so much time to produce the "goods" (ie, the child) before they are going to start intervening. After a couple of hours of sloooow dilation, you're going to get shot up with pitocin. Everybody gets pitocin.

My question is... WHY?

It speeds things up.

Ok... so WHY do we need to do that?

Unless there is some sort of legitimate medical necessitation to speed up the labor (which I am not seeing), a typical labor where a woman begins on her own, should probably, mostly, maybe, not really need pitocin administered during labor.

Pitocin causes harder contractions, more contractions, and contractions that last looooonger than natural contractions. All of this speeds labor up. But it also makes labor MUCH more uncomfortable for mom. There is no natural progression in pain. It is one minute of my body doing it's thing, and the next of OWWW! Granted, its totally effective. But what's the point, really? (Generally speaking, of course.) Because all that pitocin does, the residual affects should be considered too... The baby is being squeezed, longer, harder and more frequently due to the pitocin than it would in a pit-free labor. This can cause fetal distress. This can cause fetal heart decelerations. In turn, this can make a normal labor go from "normal" to "emergency c-section" with virtually no effort at all. Why would we want to do that?

And c-sections. Now, even before I got on this whole "natural birth" kick (which is really more like a piqued interest because I will likely still have my babies in hospitals, with doctors, and probably drugs), I had these bad feelings about c-sections and how people got talked into them. Another friend had her daughter 3.5 years ago. First baby. She had a c-section. The doctors freaked her out by telling her the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. I forget what else was going on, but I remember listening to everything over the phone and going... wait a minute... that doesn't sound right... I don't recall the overall circumstances, but I do recall feeling very uneasy about the decisions that were made. Luckily, all is well.

Remember THIS: A fetus, a baby in utero is not breathing. They do not breathe. Their lungs are not pushing air in and out. The oxygen is being delivered through the umbilical cord. A cord around the neck is many cases (not ALL, of course) is comparable to wearing a scarf. The most important piece of information about umbilical cords is whether the flow of blood and oxygen is being disrupted. A prolapsed cord, where the cord falls out of the uterus before the baby, and the baby then pinches the cord as it tries to exit the body- well every second you're in that position is another second your baby is suffocating. That would be VERY BAD. Anything that involves a pinched, torn, knotted, etc. cord is very very bad. But the simple fact of the cord being around the neck is not necessarily a cause for concern. It CAN be, don't get me wrong, it CAN be a serious cause for concern, but it is NOT an automatic conclusion. It's not an instant, no questions asked cause for a c-section either.

What really is the need for medical intervention during a regular labor with no red flags? Why do I need an IV? Why can't I wear a bra and my own underwear? Why on earth am I giving birth laying on a table with my legs in the air instead of working with gravity and being upright? Why do you want to rush my labor along with pitocin for the simple fact I'm not dilating particularly fast?

I love doctors. I am so grateful for doctors. I don't really think I'm interested in having a midwife when my turn comes. It's a little too hippie for me. I think I'd actually feel more comfortable in a hospital, than sitting in my bathtub and moaning, personally. HOWEVER... all of this has been very enlightening in the fact that "Women have the right to give birth how they choose" is a revolutionary concept to me. I have never before thought about the loss of control you experience when you enter a hospital, particularly in a birth setting. The hospital has a specific protocol as to how everything is done and they just do it, like a well oiled machine.

But I don't like that. I'm not comfortable with that and I don't want to do that.

There are SO many preparations for "what if's" in the hospital. Let's give you an IV just in case we need to give you medication. Let's have you remove all of your undergarments just in case we need to do an emergency c-section so it doesn't have to be cut off and so there is no additional presence of bacteria. Let's do a cath just in case... blah blah blah.

If and/or when I have a child... I am going to be wearing a bra in that hospital gown. I can't stand not wearing one, and going through something so intense and having to have the additional experience of having my sweaty skin touching more sweaty skin... UGH. I will wear my bra. I will wear some comfy, giant underwear that doesn't get in the way of exams. (Bang fist on table!) I will refuse to remove them. REFUSE! I also don't want an IV. Or constant fetal monitoring. I'm also NOT going to be induced unless there are health risks- like meconium- just because I am overdue. Just let me do my thing. It's my choice isn't it... Isn't it the doctor's job to educate the patient on their options, pointing them in the right direction but ultimately leaving non-life threatening decisions up to the patient?

I do not like submitting unquestioningly to authority and have no idea what's going on. That sounds scary to me. I am very much a blind-trust person... but after all of this... when it comes to childbirth, I think I am WAY too wary of the medical communities thoughts on "normal" and am not comfortable with their definition.

The c-section rate in the United States is around 30%. I believe it is around 2% in other developed nations. We also have one of the highest fetal mortality rates. Why is that?
For the record... I am political conservative, as tree-huggerish as this posts sounds. I am very annoyed by some comments made on said laboring friend's Facebook page which are incredibly ignorant and pretty much attacking anyone telling my friend to be cautious in her decisions. it is extremely frustrating. The best weapon you have, in any circumstance is always knowledge and education. So educate yourself.

This movie is VERY left-wing, conspiracy theory centered, very hippish, etc., but it is also very interesting, and although I can challenge many things said in this film, I also think it's enlightening and enjoyable. Be aware that there is a significant amount of female nudity because the film shows actual laboring women and actual births. (That's certainly not the WHOLE film, not by any means, but there's no way you could miss it, so I didn't want you to not know. So don't click if that's an issue.)

I came up with a link to a free copy of the movie online. Scroll down to the little movie screen, and at the bottom of the advertisement it will say "Click to Play" click that, and then on the lower right hand side of the screen you will be able to expand the video to full screen. it's around an hour and 20 minutes long and compares hospital births vs home births, discuss the history of birth in the 20th century and interviews alot of health professionals in the OB/GYN community as well as the Midwifery community. It was done by Rikki Lake... she's very into the whole touchy feely birth "experience" which I am not into, it hurts, let's get it over with already... but the documentary is still interesting, informative and I highly recommend watching it!

It's called, "The Business of Being Born."
http://www.zshare.net/video/62983863bf35922e/

"ADDIOS lunatic! I'm going over to the Hooters Yacht with some sane people." (B.F.)

The Real Housewives of New York City

I am so hopelessly hooked. I love this show. They just seriously crack me up. They are just REAL people and it is HILARIOUS. The constant bickering? OMG... (face-palm) LOL



Bethenny Frankel is my favorite person on this show. She is just a funny, sarcastic, flat-humored person and I relate to her to no end. She's fantastic.

She has this ongoing conflict with this other woman-Kelly- who is compeltly out of her mind. Pour example:

Last season, Kelly refused to put her name endorsing a charity event for her friend's daughter who has a serious form of arthritis. Bethenny sort of hesitated and they did a little verbal ping-poing about it, and Bethenny said, "Well, I guess I'm more of a yes person."

On tonight's show, Kelly gets in her face (Bethenny just lost her dad and is pregnant with her first child and is in her LATE 30's and very early on in the pg, btw) and says, "You think you're better than me! You said you were a good person and I am a bad person!"
Bethenny gives her the "What planet are you on" look and Kelly elaborates by saying, "You said you were a yes person and I am a no person! I am not a bad person!"

How psycho and dilluded can you be? I love this show. lol

Bethenny, my kindred-spirit/soul mate is on the far right. She's so cute. Next to her, the blonde is my second favorite, Alex.

You can spot psycho Kelly in the back (third from left, the giraffe.)

Hope you didn't go blind.

Bummer

Well, first of all, my sweet little Lulu was adopted by some other family. :( As was her almost-as-cute sister. :( Her brother is still available, but he really looks like a chiahuahua and I just don't swing that way. lol

Next bummer... I found another doggie that looks just like my kitties! Her name is Molly and she is a basset/dauchshund mix! I was so excited! In fact, I was SO excited, I even CALLED the woman to ask about the dog!

But she has an adoption pending too... :(

Before I get really attached to some dog that actually is available, I need to find out the pet limits for my complex. If 3 pets is against the rules, then I cant do anything... I can't risk putting myself in a situation where I either have to move, or give up one of kids. Even though I honestly think my property management would never know... the office is only open with someone here like once a month it seems like...

Next bummer is Matty is totally camped out in the man-cave. He officially turned down the special agent job, and I think it just really depressed him. It was probably the right choice... but it just set him off into that "I'm a failure" downward spiral that I am oh-too familar with personally. There isn't alot I can do for him long distance. I feel bad for him. I wish I could help cheer him up but I don't really think there is anything to do except be available, and "soft" ( you know, easy to come to) and wait.

This sucks for me of course because I miss him. I miss his hugs and kisses and his lovies. I know he loves me, but I still wish I could have him at my disposal at every second of the day.

But I also have faith that this is a period in his life which will pass. As is this period in mine... where I feel lost most of the time. I do feel more at ease in my work lately, and have found myself putting out some really great work lately, with help from the new camera: http://www.eheizerphotography.com I looked at my stuff from the last few weeks and I am like, wow, this looks like it wa shot by a professional! lol But I'm not consistent and I make lots of mistakes, but I am learning from my new camera that interchangable lenses bring power... and I really like what I can do when I have that additional control. I think instead of saving up to replace my camera ruined by waves, that i will instead invest in my (alleged) ability to learn something new and save up for a lens for my fancy camera instead. The two lenses I have aren't actually supposed to go on my camera, and when you look through the viewfinder, lets say you see a 6 by 6 sqaure... well the camera only photographs a 1 by 1 square in the middle because it's not the right lens... Yeah. Not so good when you keep forgetting that it does that.

Anyway, so I am feeling better and stuff, but my sleep patterns are off- sleepin' all day, awake all night- Matty is in his man-cave with his head in the sand, hiding from the world, and I'm pretty lonely. Hmmph. :/

Dragging my feet

to get back on the bandwagon.

I've put on 5-10 pounds in the last few months, which isn't much, but just enough for me to look pregnant naked. Although my cats do not mind, and actually perceive this to be a plus, as there are now more squishy soft parts of me in which to knead their paws, Mommy is not so down with the new "convex" figure.

I was just leaving a comment on one of my new "talking" blogs. (As in, it feels more like a chat about nothing, like a chat with a girlfriend, than about an actual subject, like weddings, which is my whole life and work, so I really like these kinds of blogs and wish I knew of more of them! Here's the link: http://www.nevergrowningold.blogspot.com

Anyway, she posted a bad food list yesterday and it just really bummed me out. I like bad food. Bad food is convenient. Bad food requires little effort. Bad food taste great. Bad food clogs your arteries and kills you at 50. CURSES!

So I want to get back on the diet bandwagon and get as cute and skinny as Kristin, who has way more drive and self control than I do. (Of course, she is still cheating with breast feeding, which is so not fair because I spend at least an hour a day with my cat trying to nurse on my arm and just licking all the skin off instead... I should get extra WW points for that!)

I have been terrible about exercise. I lost all interest in it and have no drive whatsoever. I haven't been since February. And I pay a monthly membership. But I love my gym so I can't quit. It's like going to a spa! But I am seriously lacking in drive.

And food? I know for me food is the key to weight loss. Exercise will tone me up, but has never been an effective tool for me unless I am able to run. And since my knee issues prevent me from running pretty much ever again, the exercise part of the reigm is more for internal health than external beauty. But I know it's necessary. I'm way too sedentary working from home.

But here's my problem with food. I don't want to cook. It makes a mess in my kitchen and after months of cooking every day and the constant mess I am just "done" at the moment. I know I will return to my food network obsession at some point, but right now, laziness is king. I'd rather eat cereal for dinner every night than cook. Dont ask me why because I have no idea.

So there you have it. I dont want to put any effort into my food, but I want to eat to lose weight and be healthy. But I dont wanna do the frozen meals- smart ones and lean cuisine- not only because of the cost, but because of the sodium factor. And I ate those suckers every day for like a year and I'm just not interested.

Ok, so go. Shoot. Solve my problems with brilliant solutions internet.