Frustrated and wanting more.

I took the time to email the investigator the remainder of the information that had not been reviewed in the interview, and forward him all of the images of accidents they had asked for. What did I get in return?

"Received by Sergeant So and So."

That was it.  For ALL of them, including the at least two page note including additional facts and details that had been missed the first time around. I could have used a little more than that. How about a, 'thank you for the additional information, I will add it to our notes, we will contact you if we need more'? Something more than RECEIVED?

I would have been okay with the received until I got the last email from him maybe 30 minutes to an hour later responding to a secondary note I included about the time Matt pulled me over "for a non-enforcement reason" as they called it. I also asked if I could be notified before or when Matt finds out about everything so I would be prepared in case he or someone in his family contacted me. He did respond to that, but what he said was No, and that Matt would be told to not contact me.

 I'm sorry, but that's not good enough. I want to know if he's going to find out about this in six months or in six weeks or six days.  I can't sit here for the next however many weeks not knowing if he knows, and watching my back! I can't drive into Woodland (where he lives!) and meet clients and shoot weddings (of which I have TWO this year) and be afraid if he or his family sees me that they'll come after me because they'll know I turned him in. I can't, I can't, I can't. Not good enough. I need more information, I need to prepare. I feel seriously freaked out and I really do not trust the investigators anymore. I didn't trust them to begin with, but now I feel so freaked out I really don't. I know that I am triggering right now, and getting myself all upset over something probably someone else wouldn't, (gee, thanks Kaiser for the over-education), but this feels real to me and my concerns feel real. Just telling Matt, "You better not contact her!" and waggling their index fingers isn't good enough!

I want an attorney. I feel panicky. I want to file civilly, I want to do it quickly, before he has time to react to this. But I feel like it's already too late to do that because I already interviewed and turned him in.

::waving hands wildly in the air like a hysterical person::

I'm not ready for all this crap, I can't deal with it, I want it to all go away. Make it go away, I can't do it. Somebody else, please, PLEASE just take care of it. Just make it go away. I am begging you, make it go away. I can't freaking handle it for one more second, I need a break! I have been up all night worrying and stressing, I just can't settle down. I just want it to stop. Make it go my way. Please. Make it go my way. Protect me and make it all be okay. Why can't I just know that it will?