Bewildered today

I am just... bewildered today.

How did this ever happen?

He did what? With who? What? WHAT?

What are you TALKING about?

No, no, no... That couldn't have happened. No...

I don't believe it today. I miss him. I need a hug! I want to just pick up the phone and give him a call. I feel so casual.. Like nothing happened. Oh, what? That happened? He did all that? Huh? I don't know what you're talking about. Because the guy I was with, he was AWESOME. He loved he so much... I can't even tell you how wonderful he was. How he loved me, treated me, looked at me. We are spending the rest of our lives together.  All this other crap is hoo-ha.

Can we say denial?

Did I mention that they are having a baby together? Oh yeah. They stayed togeher. She had made that choice within less than 12 hours after I went to the house and told her her husband had been cheating on her for half their marriage. And not just that. Not just that he had been with me for the last 18 months, but that he had been living a double life too. With a fictional life story, a fictional relationship with his parents, fake friends names, a pretend friend who was killed in the line of duty, a pretend memorial tattoo for said friend, a pretend job as a special agent for the federal government he had just given up and a bedridden father, debilitated by a stroke. 12 hours... "I got married for forever, not just a little while. .. I can only hope he will get the help he needs..." My therapist cocked her head to the side and said something like, "What about her? Doesn't she need help? Her world just crashed down. And what about them as a couple? They should each be in individual counseling and in couples counseling too. Not just him.. this isn't just about him and this doesn't just affect him, and him going to therapy alone won't fix this situation.  Nothing will. "  Three months after I went to their house, and told his wife everything he had done to US... she was pregnant. It practically made me retch. Three months after I found out... I still wasn't eating or sleeping. Letting that man touch me? Sleeping with him at all, let alone without protection is... WHAT???

 A very smart friend of mine said something like, she couldn't believe they were just going on, pretending like he hadn't been in a serious relationship with someone else. That was key for me. He's married... and he was in a serious relationship with someone else. Me. ME. She also said the whole thing was creepy and that yeah, having a baby the first time around worked out so well, what with him assuming a second identity and trying to basically become a polygamist by trying to marry me- maybe he never would have, maybe he would have stalled forever, but who knows. Yeah, having a baby the first time worked out great what with him running off and starting an affair 10 days after the baby was born. Go ahead, have another one. Sounds like  a GREAT PLAN! Three months. They waited three months. Or I should say she. You know this wasn't his idea. Or if it was, it was used as a manipulative distration. HERE. Get pregnant, focus on something else and get off my back. Then you'll be happy, and leave me alone. Just like last time...

Seriously, this is my life now? How did I get dragged into these people's jacked up marital problems?