Things have been happening...

A new client (the groom) asked me today what would happened when/if his friends would hit on me at his wedding.

????

I gave a polite, silly, professional answer and quickly changed the subject.


I then spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing about that worrisome comment the rest of the day.

What exactly does that mean?

1.). Thanks, groom, for thinking I'm not too fat to be hit on. Really, with the weight I gained over LAST Thanksgiving after losing 20 pounds or whatever after not being about to eat for the first 4 months after everything happened last year, I have felt like a parade blimp. Really, that was nice of you to think anyone would pay any attention to me at all.

2.) ARE YOUR FRIENDS BLIND?

3.) ... Or just desperate?

4.) This scares me that he actually found this to be a big enough concern he brought it up. He either a.) finds me extremely attractive (is he blind too? His bride was pretty, was that just luck on his part???) or b.) his friends have some bad habits with flirting, or try to hook up with anything with girl parts. Eek.

Again, Me---> worried.

****

Next, I didn't have to meet with the investigator. 1.) Bullet dodged? 2.) Kind of wished we had. Now we are exchanging emails instead.... Eeeh.

I received the four page (five if you count his note on top) report of my statement from the sergeant. I was "excited" (if you can call it that) to get it, and it was a bit overwhelming/draining to read. Pretty thorough. But FULL of mistakes. Their timeline was all wrong, they were missing some dates... they didn't even mention that he claimed to be single but went into lots of details about Matt's online profile on the dating website where we met. Maybe that's not relevant? So when I emailed him about that specific detail I started off with... "Maybe it's not relevant, but I noticed you didn't mention..."

I also felt they severely downplayed the cuffing incident. Everything else was described to a 'T' so I don't understand why this was downplayed. They described how the cuffing took place in this way: "Mr. Matt had occasion to apply one handcuff to Ms. Emily's left wrist." What were we, casually trying on restraints while watching tv? He vertically wrestled me and restrained me to put it on. (As opposed to wrestling me on the ground, aka, horizontally.)  I wasn't comfortable with how it was described or how they discussed it in the interview either. I again, felt like they downplayed it. It was an awkward situation. Here was this great guy I was dating, had feelings for, everything seemed fine, and then SUDDENLY he tackles and cuffs me, and refuses to remove it unless I go with him out in public. What do you do? Everything was fine up until 5 minutes before... What just even happened? You argue some, he refuses... and then what do you do? For lack of any other ideas, I submitted. I did what he told me to do. About 20 minutes later we were back at the house and he took it off. I was pissed. He never did it again. It was bizarre. The entire thing was bizarre. I tried to forget about it. And I sure as hell didn't tell many (if any? did I ever tell anyone about that?) people about it. I was too embarrassed and shocked over his (and probably my own compliant) behavior. (ick)

They also somehow slipped in something which I have since learned was actually from Matt's statement into my statement. That's right. He's been interviewed. For sure. They didn't say he had been interviewed, but they might as well have. Somebody talked to him about the day I went into the house and everything happened. And they have record of it. How else they would have that? He has been interviewed. He knows.

In the summary, there is a paragraph about my going to the house. It's about half a page, which is apparently pretty brief because there is a notation about another "exhibit" which more thoroughly describes the entire incident. (::shudders::) In the paragraph, it says that Matt's wife calls him, "demands" he comes home, and he "FINISHED HIS SHIFT" and then "hastily" came home.

This first puzzled me. I was in the house about 45 minutes. It took about 10 minutes for me to talk to his wife, communicate what Matt had done, present pictures (which I had left in my car, parked around the corner and had to walk back and get) and then for us to go in the house and for her to call him and start screaming into the phone at Matt. Matt was home about the last 15 minutes I was there. This gives him approximately 20 minutes to get from work to home. Which, on a good day, without traffic (and this was during rush hour, mind you) should take 35-45 minutes, minimum. And he "finished his shift"?  Talking about this with my mom she pointed out I never told them this and that it shouldn't be part of my statement because I had no knowledge of it. At the time I believed him to be unemployed. When I told his wife I was under the impression he had been fired 8 months back, she very wryly said with a sarcastic smile that they were still receiving paychecks. In the weeks following I questioned whether she stayed with him solely to maintain their lifestyle because of how she responded. (He makes quite a bit, over six figures.) I have to remind myself I am not a mind reader, and just like she shouldn't be judging or blaming me, I shouldn't be doing the same to her. Although that is extremely difficult, and even in typing that out, I want to point my finger and screech "SHE STARTED IT!" since she is the one, who, after all, called me the "b" word when I asked if Matt would answer questions for me to explain his behavior. (Now I am making the wry face.)

Anyway, I emailed the investigating sergant, and he emailed me back this:

Officer Matt was working the early shift in August of 2010 and upon receiving the phone call from his wife responded to the Area office and requested to leave early.  He was already nearing the end of his shift and upon turning in his paperwork, etc. left on time.  By his own admission he did drive home at a very high rate of speed.  

 This statement... it put me back in the moment. It almost put me in Matt's shoes, and yet, still in my own. I know that makes absolutely no sense but I don't know how to explain it. It was like I was watching him live out that day, and thereby back in the moment again. I broke out in a sweat and my entire body started to tremble. My shoulders, neck and back tensed and clenched up as tight as they could without me even realizing. I lifted my legs and hips of the bed with the increase in tension and started to shake, hard, uncontrollably, thinking about this, reading those words.

It made me wonder if maybe I shouldn't know more about what happened. Maybe I can't handle it. Thinking about him speeding home to get there before his wife and girlfriend could exchange more information and details with each other... Driving in that car, thinking about his girlfriend standing in his living room, crouched against his hallway, talking to his wife while she screamed and cursed obscenities at him through the phone line... Typing it... it's making me sick again. My whole body... just sick. Sick, sick, sick.

He's sick.