My nightmares are back. I'm having terrible, terrible nightmares. I dream he comes to the house. He hurts me. He comes to the front door with his fist clenched so tight- like he did that day in the house.
I dream he's been suspended from his job. I dream he's angry. I dream he doesn't care. I dream and dream and dream. I wake up startled that he's not there. The dog howling at noises on the porch makes my hair stand on end.
I'm scared.
I'm not sleeping well. I guess I should say I'm not sleeping at all. Last night I was up until 5am, and only after I put in one more call regarding that lawsuit against him. I woke up at 7am. I haven't been back to sleep since.
I have a newborn photo shoot today, thrown together at the last minute, the dad is shipping out- he's military and he's leaving tomorrow. I don't know how I am ever going to make it through. I'm so tired. The session is also in Matt's territory. It makes me nervous. Such happy, sweet memories now turned sour and scary.
Someone else has complained about him. Yes- a THIRD person. He threatened them. The only thing is I'm not entirely sure it's my Matty or not. I think that's triggering me partially. He sounds angry, pent up, and taking it out on the job.
I'm nervous.
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Emily, do you think it would be wise to get a restraining order? You may also want to pick up something for personal defense (like pepper spray) you could keep it under your pillow. Use a night light so if you wake up you can easily see what's around you. I find when hubby is gone, those things help me to sleep.
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