My Wedding: Wordless Wednesday

I've been thinking about this for a few days... This was part of what I lost too. Weddings really aren't so important, and I only wanted a total of 15 people there. (Ok, I am using the term "wanted" loosely, more like minimum number required...)


Empty luscious green pasture, mooing cows, the Marin French Cheese Company of Novato playing hostess- a place where I fed ducks and ate happy meals as a preschooler. Blues, yellows, greens, a custom dress made by Melissa Blackburn of Utah, a sweetheart bust, short lace sleeves, bridal buttons and tea to ballerina length with lots of fabric detailing- pleating, gathers, ruffles. Parisienne macarons in little boxes as favors. Ravenburg or the Sloans would shoot it and David Perry would film it. I had already quoted and budgeted everything.

I had a sketch of the full dress front and back, but I guess I hid it from myself on the computer. Too painful to look at....


The most important thing to me above all things was the ceremony. I wanted all of the emphasis on the ceremony. On the words said. Words said to us, about us and by us. I wanted a fiddle player- not a violinist... there is a piece of music played as the theme of the character "Gus Pike" on Avonlea... a show from the late 80's early 90's based on the books by LM Montgomery. (Best known for Anne of Green Gables). I have loved that piece of music all my life. I wanted to walk down the aisle to that and only that. It would have been incredibly meaningful to me, and that's exactly what I wanted the ceremony to be. Meaningful. About us, committing to each other, for forever. I wanted to treasure that moment and not rush through it. I was so looking forward to holding his hands and looking in his eyes and sharing all of those sentiments and making all of those promises. My whole heart was joyful in anicipation of that moment.


About a week ago I cleaned out the account I had for the wedding and put it towards bills. It wasn't very much anyway. It only hurt a little to do it. Seeing it empty... it just makes me feel empty.

The very first inspiration board is the one I concisely compiled with specific ideas that I planned on using. I had nailed down suppliers for just about everything. Matt told me... when he got his job back, or as soon as he shipped off to FLETC for his training to be an ATF agent and got his life back on track, that we would be back on track. That he wanted to spend his life with me, that I was the only one for him, the only one in his life, the only one he wanted to be with, or would be with, and I was his match. That he loved me.

I believed him.

These are the actual pastures in Novato...