Ughhh.

 Source: http://www.etsy.com/listing/73739086/8x10-recycled-art-print-never-go-with-a

As far as I can tell, they are still working on the "investigation."  As far as I can tell, anyway. 

The last email I had from the sergeant he said that they were at a"pivotal point in the investigation" and that they were  approaching the point of "active engagement." That was a couple weeks ago.

I emailed the sergeant last night some dates he requested- he wanted to know the exact dates that Matt had pulled me over "for fun," and I wasn't sure so I had to research it. I was able to narrow down the dates using email and calendars, but couldn't go beyond that without further help. I ended up having to play hardball with the cell phone company to get my records so I could go through them day by day to pick out a conversation I know I had with my friend Kristin in Utah the day the pull-over/stop happened. She and I were talking on the phone while I was driving out to meet Matt for a lunch date and Matt kept beeping into the conversation. I went through the records day by day within the narrowed down dates until I found a series of calls that matched up with my memory, which I did. I passed that information along to the sergeant. 

He responded to me today, thanked me for the research and said that he would check it against what they had already uncovered- something like that. 

So I'm not entirely sure at this point if Matt knows or not. The good thing is nothing has happened so far if he does. I am getting more comfortable and confidant in leaving the house and I am not so afraid. The bad thing is I have had a number of hang ups from a blocked number on my cell phone. It could just be my Mom, but it's making me uncomfortable... The first three weeks following the interview my phone was broken and I was, for all intents and purposes, protected from the outside world because of it. No calls from parents, investigators or friends. No client calls. No text messages. No middle of the night calls from my night owl buddy to startle me out of sleep. It was like being in a cocoon of safety. And an excuse to keep everyone at an arm's length too. I needed that space. Not only could I "not" talk to anyone because my phone was physically broken (drowned in the dog's water bowl) but I wasn't really capable of doing so, and having this 'excuse,' if you want to call it that, protected me. Fewer questions, more hibernating. I needed that for myself. 

It's been a month now, and I'm starting to come out of my hole. I only worry that I'm becoming comfortable with a false sense of safety- if he doesn't know yet, if his family is unaware, this could blow up at any time and I won't be prepared. 

(Of course, that's why I have an attack beagle.)

My secondary worry with the situation at present time is whether they will be able to verify what I have told them [the investigators]. I hope so. That's one my top 5 list of worst nightmares- not being believed. I want them to find everything I have told them, just as I said it would be. I want to be a good eyewitness. I want to be accurate in everything I remembered. Part of me is terrified I have remembered things wrong. I question myself, it's all so serious, you can't help but do so. Did he really sign his name with the fake name on the credit card receipts? Did he really wear that name tag? Yes, that's what I remember... I can picture him signing the slip in my head... I can see the name tag on his uniform now even... But what if they go and find the receipts at the restaurant I told them to go to and it's not signed with the fake name? What if it's signed with the real name? What if I just thought it had the fake name on it? What if he altered the way he signed his real name to make it look like he was signing his pretend name? Or what if I had the restaurant wrong? What if it was a different restaurant where he signed with the pretend name and I sent them on a wild goose chase? I am so worried they won't be able to verify what I have told them.  And I don't think I can ask if they have been successful so far. Mentally, I just don't think I can... and even if I could... I don't think they would or could answer.

I am so worried.