I am watching this ridiculous movie right now on cable. (John Tucker must die, hence my title post). A couple more things are clicking into place for me right now while I watch these teen movie- about a guy who was three timing his girlfriends.
Matt's a liar. He was always a liar. He lied and manipulated and used me. He knew exactly what he was doing from the moment he came up with the idea and had no intention of ever telling anyone or getting caught and would have just gone on indefinetly as long as it benefited him.
He was an absolute and total liar and manipulator. His make up is of the worst traits a person could possibly be.
When his wife emailed me, before she threatened me, one of the things she said was that she was "still so in love with" her husband and that she "didn't get married for just a little while," she "got married for forever." Fair enough.
But how long did he get married for? He already broke all of his marriage vows. If you break your vows, have no remorse, spent at least half of your marriage living a lie- and that's a MINIMUM of half of your marriage, it could have been more for all I know... They have been married for 4 years and he was with me for almost 2 of those years. What meaning do those vows have for him? He wasn't the one who came clean here, he wasn't the one who stopped the relationship or felt guilty or anything. He got caught and now he's just obeying orders.
What kind of a marriage is that? What does that say about how he is treating the relationship or the marriage or how he values it? Nobody what he is saying, look how he has and is acting? One of the first things his wife said when he got in the house was, "No wonder you never wear your f-ing wedding ring" and grabbed his hand and flung it back at him. He wasn't even wearing his ring then. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks because he had been so "depressed" over turning down that federal agent job he had been offered (all lies) and he wanted some space to figure things out. He wasn't even wearing his wedding ring in his own house, coming home to this mess.
What does that say?
Is this really the example of a healthy realtionship that I would want to be setting for my daughter? That this is how men should treat women? Look at how daddy treats mommy? Look at what daddy did to this woman?
I was driving around the other day and it occured to me that he dragged me, really they both dragged me, into their marital problems. When he came looking for me, they obviously already had serious issues, otherwise what on earth was he doing with a paid for subscription to a dating service? 10 days after his daughter was born? I was looking for the right person for me and I got duped and dragged into some other person's martital drama. How did this even happen?
Something that bugs me about that day in the house... I think about this alot. One of the many times his wife called to scream at him on the phone while he was on his way back to the house, she told him that their daughter wouldn't be there when he got there because He didn't get to see her right now. That just struck me as an odd comment coming from my side of the situation. As soon as his daughter was born, he created an entirely new identity for himself where he had no children, no responsibilities and found excuses to spend days, nights, evenings, weekends, as much time as possible away from his family. Did he really care whether he saw her?
I'm sure he does, it's just one of those statements that just stuck with me.
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3 comments:
Emily, sweetie, I think it's time to remove the pictures of him from your blog. I think it will be a good step in the healing process. Personally, looking at him makes me sick to my stomach when I think of what he did to you.
-Lisa Emerling
Couple of things here.
1.) If I wanted to make any changes to the way my blog looks, I would. If I have not changed it, it is because I do not want to. My blog is not a democracy and I do not accept votes. This is a dictatorship.
2.) If you do not like something, that is something you need to worry about, not me.
3.) First time I posted about this: http://adventuresinemilyland.blogspot.com/2010/08/making-myself-clear.html
Second time I posted about this:
http://adventuresinemilyland.blogspot.com/2010/09/angry.html
I'm just really glad I didn't cry hysterically or threw up when I read your comment. But it didn't hurt any less. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm not trying to pick on anybody. I don't want to single anybody out. But if I wanted to change something or I was ready to change something I would. It has been six weeks and I am barely accepting that he is gone.
I can't pretend that the last 18 months of my life didn't happen. Because it did. And it changed my life, for better or worse I don't know yet. But you don't burn the pictures of someone you're in love with.
What he did to the both of you was totally unfair. You're right, his marriage probably means nothing to him since he spent half of it living a different life with someone else. The two of them have a mess to sort through. I think it's probably just a reaction as wife & mother to protect her marriage, but like you she's going to have to start sorting through all the lies.
I think it will probably take you a long time to sort through everything too. It's hard enough for a good relationship to just end - not to mention finding out a bombshell like this. But you will get through it, & you'll decide when the time is right if the pictures should stay or go.
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