Have you ever known anyone who successfully ran away [as an adult]?
Obviously, my fantasies of running away to Colorado or some other place I have either never been or only have childhood memories of and have absolutely no connections to have been persisting. I want things to change.
I want to feel safe. I don't want to be near him. I don't want to be afraid of running into him. Or HER. I don't want to be afraid of seeing things that remind me of him or her or us or the future we had planned. I don't want to be afraid that the next client inquiry I have for a wedding will be for an event in a location tied to him, or people that remind me of him, or have ties to him. It's the former that scares me most. The thought of having to drive up to or through Redding for any reason whatsoever makes my heart pound. I don't ever want to pass anywhere near Woodland (where they live) again. I hate that the fact he is a highway patrolmen means everytime I get on the freeway I will inevitably see a squad car identical to his, sending me into panic.
Do you know someone, or know of anyone who just picked up and moved somewhere for no particular reason?
I guess my mom kind of did that. She retired to a tiny town in Oregon for the simple reason she liked it. She had never even been there until she went there to look at houses. But she went WITH someone. And she was retired.
Is it stupid and silly that I want to run away? Am I acting like I'm 4?
Is this going to fade? Because frankly, the more freaked out and messed up I feel here, the more intense my urge to flee the area seems to be.
Obviously, my fantasies of running away to Colorado or some other place I have either never been or only have childhood memories of and have absolutely no connections to have been persisting. I want things to change.
I want to feel safe. I don't want to be near him. I don't want to be afraid of running into him. Or HER. I don't want to be afraid of seeing things that remind me of him or her or us or the future we had planned. I don't want to be afraid that the next client inquiry I have for a wedding will be for an event in a location tied to him, or people that remind me of him, or have ties to him. It's the former that scares me most. The thought of having to drive up to or through Redding for any reason whatsoever makes my heart pound. I don't ever want to pass anywhere near Woodland (where they live) again. I hate that the fact he is a highway patrolmen means everytime I get on the freeway I will inevitably see a squad car identical to his, sending me into panic.
Do you know someone, or know of anyone who just picked up and moved somewhere for no particular reason?
I guess my mom kind of did that. She retired to a tiny town in Oregon for the simple reason she liked it. She had never even been there until she went there to look at houses. But she went WITH someone. And she was retired.
Is it stupid and silly that I want to run away? Am I acting like I'm 4?
Is this going to fade? Because frankly, the more freaked out and messed up I feel here, the more intense my urge to flee the area seems to be.
3 comments:
I don't think it is childish. I think moving away can be very helpful. I moved several states from where i used to live becasue of a situration. The move was daunting and liberating. Now, I live in the south and call it home. I miss where I used to live for a variety of reasons, but I know the moved helped me grow as a person.
Moving won't take away the feelings, but once you have dealt with the feelings, it might be helpful in helping them to not re-surface daily. I was once given some great advice...Don't make any big decisions in the first year after a traumatic event. ((HUGS))
I think moving away and starting a new life (you're young!) would benefit you to the utmost! It's going to take awhile to get a hold of your feelings, deal with them, and let them go. You will ALWAYS have a mistrust for men, but that is something you have to worry about when the time comes. Don't look to far into the future. One day at a time. Deal with now. You can do this Emily!! Don't let this guy ruin your life. He had nerve taking your trust and misusing it! How dare he!!!? If you ever run into him, kick him in the balls!! If you run into her, tell her she has a scum bag for a husband! Let your dander get the best of you now. You have to get your life back in order and live again!!
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