So, exciting news, I got pubished on the cover of a magazine. Which you can see over on my work blog--> http://www.eheizerphotography.com/ Which is awesome.
In non exciting news, I got myself all geared up to bite the bullet take the LSAT and start over with law school and now I am chickening out. I don't know what to do.
Beyond HAVING to take a $1300 prep course, which starts on Saturday, which I can't afford and am not registered for yet anyway, law school is a huge expense. I was looking at some legal documents today and I started feeling all freaked out that I am not smart enough to do this and I would be a bad lawyer if I even made it through school this time (third times the charm!) and would get in a huge amount of debt and wouldn't do the things I really want to go, like get married and be a mom.
Sigh.
I have sent in 69 applications in to the state to try and get a job as an analyst, because despite my fame (**big grin**) my income is really not stable and I hate that. I also hate working from home in my pig sty and never going anywhere or doing anything. If I can get a job with the state, all of those woes would be behind me and I could just work, which is something I actually love. I have always loved to work. Getting up and going to work is like, awesome to me. (As is sleeping in on Saturdays). If I got a state job, I would be able to save up the rest of the money for a down payment on a house very quickly. Then I could have my OWN space and my OWN home and it would be so much easier to keep everything sort of clean when you have more than 500 square feet to live in with your two cats and everything you've ever owned in your life right back to elementary school papers and don't forget my entire home based business... Then I could get a dog too, which I really want.
problem. if I go back to law school, am I going to excel in school if I have to work to pay a mortgage?
Mortgage would be pretty low, not much more than I pay for rent now and I have found a home I have absolutely fallen in love with. It's 1100 sq feet, single story, huge back yard, landscaped, has raised flower and vegetable beds and backs to the far field at an elementary school, so lots of privacy. The house is decorated/designed in a very kitschy style, very "Nienie Dialogues" if you know what I mean. the kitchen has yellow cabinets. But it totally works. Most awesomely the current owners have the same couches I do, so looking at their living room looks like I already live there. It's a short sale priced at $139,600. I'm sure it will be long gone before I am able to try to buy it. Which sucks.
But also remember... if I go back to law school, there is only one law school in Sacramento and if I didn't get in there, I would be moving in a year. Stupid to get a house.
I'm confused and overwhelmed. Matt is not doing any better. Now he is starting to like being by himself. He told me he was drinking tonight. At least he is with family so I know he's safe. I am very worried and just pray that CHP comes back to him soon and gives him his job back. We need that SO BAD. He needs it, but I need it too! It determines our whole future right now! Granted, he will eventually find another job if he has to, but getting his old job back changes everything and would happen immediately. With the market how it is, who knows how long it could take for him to find a new job, especially with him rotting in his pit of despair.
Did I mention I was lonely? :(
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