Ugh

I feel tense. Panicky. Overwhelmed. Shakey. I do not feel good. I can feel the tension running through my veins. I am on the verge of a big hysterical fit and I know it. And I am trying to hold it off. It hurts too much to feel it. My whole body has been trembling for the last couple of hours.

I am dreading the wedding I have to work tomorrow. Thank God that it is only 3 hours. That is a small piece of mercy for me. I told the couple I was looking forward to seeing some happy people but really I am just dreading having to put on a fake smiling face for those 3 long hours. I dread it with every fiber of my being and my lower jaw is chattering. I feel sooo tense.

All I want to do is crawl into my car and drive out in the middle of nowhere and I don't know. Rot.

I keep having these flickers and flashes of what happened and how his life must have been going back and forth. And the absurdity of the fact I wrote him love letters with the wrong name on the envelope.

My stomach is churning and I feel like there is electricity is running through my veins. Literally- like I'm being electrocuted. Shakey, trembling, freaked out, tense. I hate this.